


The Algorithm To Infinity

by eauline



Category: Black Widow (Movie 2020), Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov Friendship, F/M, Light BDSM, Not Canon Compliant, One-Sided Attraction, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, Steve Rogers Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:06:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 52,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24425491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eauline/pseuds/eauline
Summary: Steve Rogers thought he was one of the lucky ones but Natasha Romanoff, well, she thought that she was terribly misfortunate and she would love to kick fate's ass. In a world where soulmates are real, unequivocal marks etched on skin signifying an infinite bond, Steve and Natasha try to work with one another, denying the celestial pull and ardor between them. That is, until Steve learns exactly who Natasha is, and it changes everything between them.
Relationships: Darcy Lewis/Pietro Maximoff, James "Bucky" Barnes/Wanda Maximoff, Maria Hill/Sam Wilson, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Steve Rogers/Natasha Romanov
Comments: 52
Kudos: 363





	1. one of the lucky ones

Soulmates were a fickle thing in both Steve Rogers and Natasha Romanoff's lifetime. The unequivocal marks etched on their skin signified an infinite bond - Steve's on his ribcage, and Natasha's on the nape of her neck. Their identical soulmate marks, an hourglass encompassed by a star, glowed on their skin, reminded them of their fate... the person they were destined to meet one day. 

Before Steve's mother, Sarah, had died, she had said that he was one of the lucky ones. Not everyone was as lucky as him, to have someone he was destined to love irrevocably and spend his life with; to have his destiny written in the stars as every path he walked led him to _his_ person. Those who didn't have a soulmate weren't necessarily _unlucky_. Sometimes, they were actually the fortunate ones. A part of their soul wasn't missing when they had yet to find their person, and they didn't have to worry about losing their soulmate; they wouldn't have to spend their lives searching for the one person who would complete their heart. However, those without a soulmate would never have an extraordinary love that could move mountains. They would never have someone who would bring complete joy, calmness, and inspiration into their lives, someone who would love the other until their very last breath.

Natasha definitely didn't think of herself as a lucky one. No. She was the only Red Room prodigy with a soulmate brand on the nape of her neck, and she was one of the only S.H.I.L.D agents with a mark. It was a weakness to her, the _only_ way to be compromised and diverged from her job... the only thing that mattered in her life. The Red Room had tried to burn it off her skin, to even cut it off, but it would come back just as vibrant and obvious. Unable to remove the mark, they convinced her that love was for children and that she had no place in the world but to loyally serve her country and to never fail.

She had never let the damn mark control her life. _Well, she tried not to._ She always kept it covered with her hair and always smeared makeup over it. There were times, however, when her mark would throb and burn, and one particular time had been nearly unbearable. It was actually the day Fury notified her that Captain America had awoken from his slumber in the ice, but she had thought nothing of it and hadn't bothered to see the famous man who had captured America's heart. Sure, he was a hero. There was no denying that but to Natasha, he was just another superhero who had run out of time.

Which was ironic because she was the one with an hourglass on her neck.

No matter how much she tried, she still wasn't able to ignore her mark. There were times when she would travel to a specific place and not know exactly why she was there, only that she was drawn there by a celestial force.

This was one of those times.

She didn't know why she was in Egypt but she had, at least, found something to do instead of wandering around aimlessly like the lost tourist she really was. S.H.I.E.L.D had sent her reports of a terrorist cell in Cairo, and she had been working with the local authorities to bring them down in a fiery fury of flames. She worked at night, infiltrating their base in an old warehouse and picking the men off one by one like a cat playing with a mouse - _a spider playing with a fly._ Her part of the operation was done, and most of the men were now dead, a bullet to the head or their skulls smashed in. Smashing skulls wasn't really Natasha's style, but she presumed the Egyptian authorities had some bizarre technique they liked to use.

The mission was nearly complete as Natasha checked the ruins of the warehouse for any survivors. Her dog, Epic, trotted along beside her, her long, black fur glinting in the flickering lights above them as she stopped to sniff particular areas.

Epic had been her partner for almost four years. Natasha was never much of a dog person and many years ago when she was an assassin for the KGB, she actually had a cat named Liho. However, when Clint decided to retire and Natasha was left without a partner, Fury had mentioned to her that she could supersede a human partner - who would surely strike her every nerve and blatantly get in the way of her work - for a dog. Training a stubborn, German Shepherd puppy was entirely paradoxical, something she never envisioned herself doing, but she loved her dog more than anything and couldn't imagine life without her partner and best friend.

There were many benefits to having Epic as a partner, and this was one of them; the clever dog often sensed things before Natasha did. She watched Epic's muscles tense, her big, dopey ears flattening against her head as she sank to the ground and stalked forward slowly. "Что ты пахнешь?" _[What do you smell?]_ Natasha whispered in Russian, suddenly alert and defensive as her grip tightened on her gun.

Steve Rogers could hear the dog a mere, few feet away from where he hid behind a crumbled, cement wall - the low growling, the quiet sniffs, and the crunch of gravel under its' paws. He had found himself in Egypt and had tried to assist in bringing down the terrorist cell, but he did more harm than good, and the guilt was staggering. He hadn't meant to kill most of the men, but the adrenaline coursing through his veins was entirely potent, and he couldn't control his strength, even months after coming out of the ice. A bullet to his thigh by one of the terrorists had swiftly dissipated the adrenaline and now, he was left with an aching heart and deep pain in his leg. He had no way to contact S.H.I.L.D, and he knew that it would be foolish to try to move in the dead of the night when he wouldn't be able fight well.

He figured that he, at least, would be able to defend himself against the dog, and hopefully not kill it in the process.

A shadow slunk around the ruins around him, and he saw the black, German Shepherd's eyes who were on him as it stalked him from afar. The dog wore a camouflage vest and definitely wasn't a pet. No. It was evidently a working dog who would surely pack a mean bite, and its' handler had to be close by. Sure enough, he heard footsteps from behind the dog, and he braced his fists against the rock, preparing for a fight.

"Steve Rogers... what the hell?" He heard a feminine voice exclaim as a woman ran up behind the dog who still stalked towards him with a malicious intent in her eyes. "Эпично, отойди." _[Epic, stand down.]_ The woman then spoke firmly, and it was as if a switch had been flicked as the dog bounded back to her side, her tail wagging excitedly. "Jesus Christ, what are you doing here?"

Steve was suddenly very confused. One second ago she had been pointing a gun at him and her vicious dog was stalking him and the next second, she was acting as if she knew him. Well, she probably did. He was Captain America, after all, but he definitely didn't know her. He would've remembered her emerald green eyes that looked at him through the niqab veil she wore to fit in with the future. 

"Who are you?" He asked gruffly, dropping back onto his ass as a sharp pain shot up his leg. He truly hoped she wasn't deluding him into a false sense of security before she and the dog attacked using the element of surprise. For some reason, however, some very peculiar reason that made his mind spin, he knew the woman wasn't a threat. _He could trust her._

He didn't know why, but he just knew that he could.

She set down her gun and approached him as she unwrapped the niqab, reveling her beautiful face that immediately took his breath away. Her red hair glistened in the faint street lights and shadows were cast across her angelic features - her high cheek bones, her plump lips, and her beautiful, emerald eyes. _God_ , he longed to know who she was. To draw her to him and learn every detail about the young woman before him. He hardly realized that she was talking, but he was able to swiftly focus on her unique voice with a slight, foreign accent. "I'm Natasha Romanoff, a S.H.I.L.D. agent. I work with Fury." She explained. Her eyes briefly looked him over, and she focused on the bullet wound. "Where is your team?" She asked.

"I came alone." He shook his head, knowing he shouldn't have said that, even though she had claimed to be with S.H.I.L.D. He was putting himself in danger, but he couldn't find the will to care. _Not with this woman, Natasha._

"So did I." She grumbled almost to herself. "Come on, we need to get you out of here. There's a safe house I'm staying at just up ahead."

She reached out her hand to him, and he took it, letting her pull him to his feet. They both felt the vestige immediately. Natasha almost stumbled backwards, her eyes wide as a delicious shiver twisted up her spine as his hand grasped hers. She could feel it all the way down to her toes - the way a connection blossomed between them as heat pooled into her core - her soulmate mark scalding her skin. She suddenly wanted to draw him close, to kiss him breathless even in the middle of the desert. She longed to know exactly who he was and the scariest part was, she wanted him to know who she was...

_No. No. No!_

It couldn't be possible. Steve Rogers... _Captain fucking America_... was not her soulmate! She had to ignore whatever she was feeling, concluding that it was most likely because he was so handsome - nothing more but nothing less.

They pulled back from one another when Epic barked, shattering the entrancing spell as she peered up at them curiously, her tail wagging. "What's her name?" Steve asked, a bright smile on his lips and his azure eyes sparkling as he looked from the dog to Natasha. _It was her._ It all made sense now. The stars had aligned, and he had finally met his soulmate. He knew that it had never been Peggy, no matter how much he wished that she was his to love forever, but things had evidently worked out the way they were supposed to. However as Natasha looked over his bullet wound, she didn't act like he was her soulmate. What if it was one sided? What if she had already settled down with someone, and they couldn't be together? Why was he even thinking about being with her when he didn't even know her middle name?

He desperately needed to focus; he wasn't living in a fairytale. In fact, he was living in more of a nightmare.

"Her name is Epic." Natasha replied dryly, her hands on her hips as she glanced at her dog who looked at Steve as if he was an old friend. "She seems to like you but anyway, can you wal-... Эпично, нет!" _[Epic, no!]_ She gasped as her dog leapt up at Steve, licking his face obnoxiously and prancing around him, blatantly ignoring Natasha's command. She had _never_ seen her dog excited to meet a stranger. She was trained not to greet anyone but Natasha, much less jump all over a stranger.

He laughed joyfully as Epic jumped up on him again, wiping the slobber from his cheek as Natasha grasped her dog's leather collar and pulled her away. "God, I'm sorry." She exclaimed, shaking her head to herself as she bit back a smile. If Epic was already in love with him, surely Natasha herself could take a liking to him.

_Or, at least, trust him._

He shook his head, smiling at the dog as he picked up his shield and strapped it onto his back. She gestured for him to follow her, and he walked beside Natasha and Epic through the desert, trying to ignore the ache in his leg as the bullet ground against his femur bone. He hoped that she knew what she was doing and that she wasn't leading him into a trap. Her gun was around her shoulder as she walked beside him, occasionally looking him over while he pretended not to notice. He could feel her eyes on him, gazing into his soul and dragging him under like a tidal wave pulling him out to sea.

_He didn't fight it._

They were silent as they walked to the safe house, and Natasha was grateful that Steve was smart enough to know that they were in hostile territory and still in danger. She longed to ask him a hundred questions, but he walked with a significant limp and his leg looked painful... questions wouldn't ease his anguish. Although, the super-serum had closed the wound, it was most likely doing more harm than good if the bullet had grazed the bone. She had read enough about him to know the serum was both a blessing and a curse.

When they reached the safe house - a small but sturdy shack in the middle of nowhere, Natasha led him inside and bolted the door shut before she looked at him. "Go into the bathroom down the hall. I need to find a first-aid kit." She told him. She heard his footsteps fade down the hall and her dog clung to his side. "What a traitor." She mumbled to herself even though she thought it was sweet how Epic had taken a liking to him.

She found a kit stashed in the closet and strode into the bathroom where Steve sat on the edge of the bathtub. Suddenly, she felt apprehensive and butterflies fluttered in her stomach. She wasn't afraid of him, but she was _terrified_ of how he made her feel, the way her soulmate mark sparked to life and warmth spread through her every time she looked at him. It was hard to deny what was blatantly obvious. "I won't be able to take the bullet out, but I'll wrap it up and then contact Fury to get you home." She said, sitting across from him on the closed toilet seat. She pulled out scissors and gauze before she began to cut away the fabric around the bullet wound. She could feel his beautiful, azure eyes on her, the way inclination twisted up her spine and made her cheeks flush.

His muscles were tense under her hands as she swiftly cleaned the wound and wrapped it tightly. She wasn't a doctor by any means, but it would do for now. "Didn't you come out of the ice a few months ago? Why are you already out on missions?" She blurted out, unable to help herself. The curiosity was killing her like it killed the cat.

He bashfully looked down at Epic who lay at his feet, shrugging his broad shoulders. "I'm not supposed to be out." He murmured.

She couldn't help but laugh. "Well Rogers, you're caught in the act." She teased, standing to her feet and wiping her hands on the robes she wore. 

"I guess I am." He smiled at her, his heart skipping a beat as he heard her laugh. He perceived the flush rise to her cheeks, and he stood as well, following her out of the cramped bathroom and into the diminutive living room.

He sat down on the only couch in the room, knowing he needed to keep weight off his leg. He watched as she pulled out a handheld communication device; he was still amazed by the technology nowadays, but he tried not to stare at Natasha as she contacted S.H.I.E.L.D. Instead, he focused on Epic who relished in the attention he gave her.

✉️ _I have an injured Captain America in the Cairo safe house. Extraction needed ASAP._

She typed into the phone, turning on the notifications before she sat down beside Steve, careful to leave plenty of space between them. "Must've been a shock, huh'?" She mused quietly, glancing at him as she took off her widow bites and removed the weaponry belt around her waist.

He knew exactly what she was referring to. "That's an understatement, but everyone has been nice so far. Other than the guy who shot me." Steve replied.

She bit her lip, finding his retort amusing even though it wasn't exactly appropriate to laugh at the predicament they were in. Before she could reply, her phone buzzed, and she looked at the text from Fury.

✉️ _Extraction in route. ETA: 1 hour. Tell Rogers he has some explaining to do._

"Fury says you have some explaining to do." She voiced, setting her phone down and leaning back into the couch. _One hour._ One hour with her sou-... _no_. One hour with a man she found extraordinary attractive and seemingly kind. She could survive... she'd survived a hell of a lot worse.

Steve chuckled huskily. He knew that already. "I'm just sick of them keeping such close tabs on me. I fought for freedom, but I don't get any." He replied. Epic jumped up on the couch to lay in spot between he and Natasha, and he mindlessly scratched her ear as he thought about how fate had such a twisted sense of humor. He couldn't have even met his soulmate under relatively normal circumstances.

"So you' figured that you'd sneak off to Egypt and get yourself shot in the process?" She quipped, her infamous smirk tugging at the corner of her chapped lips. She had read about all the audacious things he did back in the war and although, things usually worked out for him, he was _reckless_. She could read him like an open book and evidently, he hadn't changed.

"I could ask why you're here, you know?" He smirked back.

_Oh, so he had game._

Natasha raised her eyebrows at him. "What makes you think I'd answer that?" She said. Even if she wanted to, she didn't have a logical answer. She had just traveled to Egypt without needing a reason. She was drawn there, a voice in the back of her mind telling her something - _someone_ \- was there who needed her help.

"I don't know..." He was silent for a moment before he spoke again with a handsome smile that instantly stole the breath from her lungs. "Because your dog likes me. Is that a valid reason?"

She laughed, scratching Epic's belly as the dog laid her head in Steve's lap. Suddenly, Epic jumped off the couch and growled lowly, slinking to the dusty floors as she glared down the hallway of the shack. "You think this place is haunted or are we about to get murdered?" Natasha said dryly, grabbing two of her handguns and holding them tightly. She wasn't scared... she had always handled herself and gotten out of the most dire situations relatively unscathed. However, defending Captain America? That was definitely a new one.

"I think the latter." Steve sighed, grabbing his shield on the floor as he stood up.

"Sit back down. You're going to get in my way and get us both killed." Natasha hissed at him, jumping to her feet and extending her arm, her gun in front of her and pointing at the threat Epic had sensed. The dog turned and tucked herself behind her legs in the way Natasha had taught her. They inched forward, and she heard Steve shuffle behind her. _Damn him._ He was reckless _and_ didn't heed orders. She turned to yell at him but just then, there was gunshots.

Bullets whizzed past her head, the loud _bang, bang_ making her ears ring. Steve reacted before she could, grasping her arm and shielding them protectively. Even though she was pressed to his side and her mind was already spinning - and not from being shot at - she was able to aim her gun over the top of his shield and strike the man in the head who ran down the hallway at them. They moved like the beat to her favorite song, seamlessly and effortlessly as if they could predict one another's moves.

The terrorist dropped dead, blood splattering on the wall and pooling on the floor around the man. Steve and Natasha stared at one another, surprise flickering in both their eyes. "We should see if there are more." She said thickly, shattering the silence between them.

"Lead the way, Natasha." He murmured, his azure eyes glancing down at her lips.

_God, she was completely and utterly fucked._


	2. whatever it takes

The gym was old, dusty, and rusty. Inside the building, the fading sunlight beamed through the dirty windows, shining in Natasha's emerald eyes. Underneath her shoes and Epic's large paws, the cement floor cracked and crumpled with loud _creaks_. Natasha couldn't resist the urge to look up, squinting against the bright sunlight as she examined the ceiling, wondering how in the world the massive edifice was still standing. More importantly, she wondered why Steve Rogers' was training there. She, at least, understood that it was in his beloved city, Brooklyn, but that was about it. Surely, he could afford a membership at a private gym or even build one of his own. He was Captain America, after all. Men threw their money at him while women threw their panties at his face. _Not Natasha, however._ She was still vexed that Fury asked her, of all people, to recruit Steve for the Avengers Initiative.

_"He remembers you from Cairo, and he still asks about you... he just did yesterday! Recruit him and that's an order, Agent Romanoff."_

Damn, Fury.

Natasha wasn't even sure if she wanted to be apart of it herself. Truthfully, she just wanted to save Clint and help him get home to his family. It was never that simple, however. _No_. It never was. There was extraterrestrials involved, a man who emerged from The Tesseract - someone who had superpowers and could control minds. The situation was much bigger than Natasha could comprehend, something even she herself had never been trained for. At least, if Fury thought she could handle that, certainly she could handle seeing Steve Rogers again and omit the vestige that had sparked between them in the Cairo safe house.

As she walked down the gym's long hallway, she could hear the sound of chains swinging violently, the distinct sound of fists hitting a punching bag over and over again so forcefully that she knew it was bound to break.

There was only one person who could punch like that.

Epic suddenly halted beside Natasha, her nose in the air. She could hear her dog - _sniff, sniff, sniff_ \- then Epic took off running to where Steve was training in the other room. She rolled her eyes, her teeth sinking into her bottom lip as she watched her dog run into the room, her tail wagging excitedly. Sometimes, Natasha was convinced the dog had a sixth sense, and it was reassuring that she trusted and clearly loved Steve. She could never love him, even if he was her soulma - _no, he wasn’t_ \- but she could trust him. If she could convince him to be apart of the Avengers Initiative, they would be teammates, and teammates had to trust one another. That, she could not deny.

"Epic!" She heard Steve exclaim, and she stepped into the doorframe of the training room to see the solider on his knees, the massive, black, German Shepherd cradled in his arms looking as if she was a tiny puppy.   


* * *

As Steve had slammed his fists against the punching bag, the bag swinging around him violently, he felt his muscles strain and sweat drip down his heaving chest. It wasn't enough to beat fifty shades of red into the punching bag, however. _It never was._ He never left the gym feeling tired, his muscles never straining with exhaustion, and it was entirely vexing. He wasn't contrived into a super solider to train in a rundown gym. He was made to fight, to fight like the solider he really was, to win wars and help those who so desperately needed it. He didn't belong, not in the gym and not even in the decade. He punched harder and harder, thinking about the life he'd lost, the dreams that had to be forgotten.

However even through his affliction, his heightened hearing perceived the sound of nails scrapping against the cement floors and from the corner of his eye, he saw a black flurry of fur running towards him. He dropped his hands at his side and turned to look at the dog, wondering how it had gotten into the gym. However, he swiftly realized who the dog was.

_Epic._

That could only mean one thing...

Nick Fury had told him to expect a visit from a S.H.I.L.D agent, and it was no secret that Steve hoped it would be the beautiful red-head, Natasha. He had been longing to see her ever since she had saved him in Cairo a few weeks ago. There was just something about her, her beautiful eyes that drew him in, her enigmatic persona that he longed to understand - the extraordinary sparks between them that he had never _ever_ had felt before. It was everything about her, her smile, her laugh that he'd only heard once but swiftly come to love... _God_ , he wanted her, not just in a carnal way either. He wanted to fall asleep with her and wake up with her in his arms, to make her breakfast and kiss her breathless...

Although, he would surely never get to do any of those things if he continued staring at her the way he was. 

She smiled - evidently a fake smile - as he drew back from Epic who bounded around him and stood to his feet. His body thrummed in her presence, but he focused on unwrapping his hands instead of focusing on how his soulmate mark on his ribcage began to twinge as their eyes met for a breathtaking moment.

Natasha smirked at him, omitting the way her breath hitched in her throat as his azure eyes met her emerald ones. "I'm surprised they didn't lock you up for your terrible decision making skills." Natasha smirked at him, her eyes perceiving his hard-ridged muscles through his thin tee-shirt, his flawless skin glistening with sweat and when he smiled, she could've swore her heart skipped a beat.

He laughed at her quip and threw his wraps to the side before he turned to look at her. "They were pretty pissed at me." He mused. "Is that why you're here, to lock me up?"

She shook her head, and she perceived the way the corner of his lips turned up in a handsome smirk. "Quite the opposite, actually. I'm sure you've heard about the incident with The Tesseract.” He nodded in response. Well, we're trying to put together a team to bring home those who are under its' mind control, as well as bring down the man who is controlling them. The project is called the Avengers Initiative." She explained. 

Steve nodded understandingly. He had, in fact, heard about what happened at S.H.I.L.D headquarters, and he wasn't surprised that Natasha had come to recruit him. However, he wasn't sure how much help he would be and how Captain America could ameliorate the team. "I've never fought aliens before, and I don't know if I want to get tangled in this mess that came about because people dug around in things that shouldn't be poked around in... I haven't fought since the war either."

"I'm sure you haven't forgotten anything." Natasha quipped. She turned away from him and walked to the padded fighting ring in the corner of the room. "Even if you have, I'll remind you." She said, smoothly climbing over the ropes and raising her eyebrows at him.

He looked at her bemused. He didn't know her past or rank as a S.H.I.E.L.D agent, but he knew she was good at whatever she did. However, he was a super solider with super-serum coursing through his body, and she was a petite agent. He couldn't control his strength - she had seen how he brutally killed the terrorists in Cairo - and he didn't want to accidentally hurt her.

_Or worse._

"Don't start that sexiest shit with me. Just get in here." Natasha snapped, her hands on her hips as she perceived his reluctancy; she could read him like an open book. 

He sighed and glanced down at Epic who stood beside him, her dark eyes looking up at him with her tail wagging as if she was saying, _'My owner knows what she's doing.'_ He nervously tugged at the hem of his tee-shirt as he walked to the ring and climbed over the ropes, looking into her emerald eyes and perceiving the way her leggings and her sweater embellished her toned body. "I don't want to hurt you." He murmured. He had never fought a woman before, and he didn't want Natasha to be his first. He would much rather take her out to dinner and walk her home, to treat her like the extraordinary woman she was and revel in how she made him feel.

"You don't have to worry about hurting me, Rogers." She said and then, she leapt at him before he could even react.

Her leg hooked around the back of his knee, and she punched a spot on his lower chest that knocked the breath out of him. She didn't pull her punch and although, she couldn't win a fight with brute strength, she knew the body's weakest spots, and she fast as hell. He stepped away from her and after he got over his initial shock, he countered her attack. He grasped her lower arm, twisting it behind her back, but she struck underneath his chin with her elbow, making him jerk away as pain shot up his jaw.

"If you don't want to go home with a bruised ego, I suggest you try harder." Natasha smirked at him.

Steve chuckled at her remark and then he lunged forward, hooking his arm around the back of her neck, but she was significantly faster than him. All of a sudden, he was on his back with her knee on his chest as she looked down at him, her hair cascading around her beautiful face. He didn't even know how she managed to get on his shoulders and drag him down to the mats but she had, and he was entirely star struck. He had never fought someone like her, so lithe and quick. For a brief moment as he stared up at her, he wondered exactly who she was and how she had been turned into such a fierce fighter. He wanted to know her past, her history that was most likely as dark as his but had led them to one another.

_His soulmate._

He didn’t doubt that she was his, and he was hers.

"I can predict your every move, Captain. You're a solider and soldiers don't know how to fight tactically." She stated, lifting her knee from his chest. She looked away from him as she sat back on the heels of her boots, feeling her soulmate mark on her neck throb as he stared at her intently. Every time she touched him, the twinge and vestige of her soulmate mark made her pulse jump, and she hated the way he looked at her. His azure eyes regarded her with such curiosity and perception like her ledger wasn't dripping with bright, red blood, like she had made a difference in the world and that she _belonged_. However as soon as he discovered who she was and what she had done to many innocent people, she knew he would never look at her in such a way again.

"Then teach me." He said, sitting up beside her.

She wanted to laugh bitterly, but her expression remained passive as he looked at her. Captain America was too pure to be trained by an assassin, too kind and too earnest. Steve Rogers was a _good_ man, a man who would rather hold out his hand in reconciliation than continue fighting a war. He was solider, but he fought for those who couldn't fight back and was the voice of those who didn't have one. Natasha, well, she was far from that. "You won't need to tactically fight aliens. You would be fight to kill which you can do perfectly." She said, trying to think of a response that would deter Steve from pressing her to teach him. Even if she wanted to, she would struggle to keep her hands off him, and there wouldn't be much teaching going on.

 _Well_ , she may teach him a thing or two, but it wouldn't be about tactical fighting.

"If I join your team, will you teach me how to fight after all this is over?" Steve conferred.

She sighed. "What if I don't?" She asked although, she already knew the answer.

"Then I won't join your team." He replied resolutely.

"God, Steve... if you really want me to." She mumbled. Fury had given her a mission, and she had to complete it no matter what she had to do, even if it was teaching Captain America how to fight. 

He smiled, holding out his hand to her. She took it without hesitating, and he pulled her to her feet. "I do."


	3. deny until you believe the lie

Steve Rogers had seen many beautiful things in his lifetime, but there was nothing like the view from the Stark Tower. High up in the clouds, he could see Manhattan and beyond, the skyline stretching endlessly as life carried on in the city below him. He had never thought that he would find himself working in a skyscraper, but Fury had instructed him to scrutinize everything they had gathered about Loki - the augury man who had emerged from The Tesseract - and meet his teammates, the Avengers, as Fury had called them. The glass windows surrounding the conference room offered a breathtaking view, and Steve had spent over ten minutes staring out them, perceiving every small detail about the world around him. He had really only dreamed of views like this. 

The only thing more beautiful than the view from Stark Tower was Natasha Romanoff who sat beside him at the massive, glass table. She stole the breath from his lungs every time he looked at her, his body thrumming in her presence and his soulmate mark kindling with heat whenever their hands accidentally brushed or their legs touched underneath the table. It was just them and Epic in the quiet conference room while the others drifted in and out, making remarks about Loki or offering ways to stop him.

He was glad to be in Natasha's company as he wasn't sure what to think of the others yet; Bruce Banner was unnervingly quiet, Tony Stark was obnoxiously outspoken, and Thor was well, downright _weird_. Natasha had assured him that Clint, who was like her brother but had been apprehended by Loki, was one of the normal ones. She'd mentioned, however, that they all were trustworthy and he would also learn to drown out Tony's vexing quips eventually, but Steve wasn't so sure. The man was just an incredibly eccentric person.

The room had been quiet other than the sound of Epic chewing her bone as he and Natasha had been reading through the hundreds of files Fury had gave them to look over. Well, they had been reading them until over two hours had passed and the words had begun to blur together, muddling Steve's mind into asininity. He had sparked conversation with Natasha and now in a surprising turn of events, she was teaching him Epic's commands in Russian.

"No, it's вниз." _[down.]_ She laughed at Steve's attempt to speak her native language, the words rolling off her tongue effortlessly while Steve slurred and stumbled over them.

He was fluent in French, Spanish, and German but for some reason, Russian wasn't coming easy to him. He knew it had something to do with the beautiful Russians front of him who he simply couldn't take his eyes off of.

Epic, already in a down command, tilted her head at Natasha in confusion. Steve couldn't help but chuckle at the dog's expression as he looked down at her and then back at the beautiful woman. "Tell her to stand." She told him encouragingly, leaning back in her leather chair and propping her feet up on the table as if watching Steve try to speak Russian was entertaining to her. Well, it probably was. He was sure he sounded ridiculous.

"Эпично, стой." _[Epic, stand.]_ Steve said, focusing on the words that felt so unfamiliar on his tongue. His blonde eyebrows creased in concentration as he watched Epic. Her dark eyes shifted to him as he spoke the command and then to his utter relief, she jumped up to stand beside him, her tail wagging excitedly. " _Oh_ , you're such a good girl." He praised the German Shepherd, combing his fingers through her long, black fur and smiling as she pranced around him. Before Project: Rebirth, he had never been able to have pets because of his allergies, but he had always wanted a dog. It wasn't feasible now, but he hoped that if he ever retired as Captain America, he would be able to adopt a dog from the city shelter and discover the joys of having a loyal companion.

Natasha watched them closely, sinking her teeth into her bottom lip as she stifled a smile. She had never thought in her lifetime that she would hear Captain America baby-talk her dog but in a strange, unnerving way, she found it entirely adorable. To her, he was more of a God than Thor with his flawless facial structure and his chiseled muscles like that of a Greek, marble statue. She could appreciate beauty and when it came to Steve, beauty was quite an understatement, but there was more to him than that. He was reckless in a way that he would save anyone who needed help, and he had already showed her what a vital asset to the team he would be simply because of his pure, kind heart. As much as she tried to shrug off her protectiveness over him, she still hoped he wouldn't get hurt in the mess S.H.I.L.D had made.

She knew her vigilance had absolutely _nothing_ to do with her soulmate mark that she repeatedly covered with makeup.

As she watched Steve and Epic, she didn't hear the quiet footsteps behind her that she typically would've perceived if she wasn't so focused on the delightful sight of Steve and Epic. All she felt was two hands grasp her shoulders roughly and like a bolt of lightening, fear and adrenaline surged through her. She gasped with fright and just as she was about to leap out of her chair, Steve jumped in front of her protectively, his arm around her waist, as Epic bared her teeth and lunged at the person who had grabbed Natasha.

"Holy, _shit_!" Tony Stark yelled, backing away as Epic snapped her teeth at him, missing his flesh by mere inches. "Shit, shit!"

Natasha quickly realized who had snuck up on her - _damn, Stark_ \- and relaxed as Steve did as well, drawing his arm away from her. "Встань!" _[Stand down.]_ She commanded her dog, and Epic swiftly composed herself, her hackles flattening on her back as she turned away from Tony and trotted back to Natasha's side as if she hadn't been ready to attack a colleague of hers. "You too." She smirked facetiously at Steve who stood beside her, his muscles still taut for combat and his ocean, blue eyes flashing with vigilance. There was something about it - _about him_ \- protecting her that sent a delicious shiver up her spine. She didn't need his protection, and he knew that too. However, it was evidently instinctive for him just like it was for her. Very few people had stood up for Natasha, to fight at her side or shield her when her guard was down but Steve had, and there was just something about it, something so alluring, about seeing that. He chuckled in a silent response as his cheeks flushed with color, glancing down at her and then reaching down to pet Epic. It was clear to her that Steve didn't trust Tony Stark yet, but he trusted her and that's what mattered.

"Is that dog rabid? I wasn't going to kill you!" Tony exclaimed, his nerves evidently shot as he stared at them with his eyes blown wide from adrenaline.

Natasha shook her head, biting back a chaste laugh and hoping Tony had learned not to mess with her, Steve, or Epic.

* * *

"So, that's him?" Clint Barton glanced at Natasha with his infamous, knowing smirk that always drove her up a wall. Even as they navigated a Quinjet through New York City amongst a raging battle against extraterrestrials and virulent androids, her best friend _still_ managed to vex her. She knew exactly what - _who_ \- he was talking about too and that's what infuriated her the most. Of course, even after having his mind warped by Loki, Clint would perceive the vestige between herself and Steve, no matter how much she tried to omit it. 

"How do you know?" She mumbled, flicking the switch that controlled the wheel gears. The Quinjet lurched underneath them as the wheels dropped for landing, and Clint angled the wings of the aircraft as they flew between the towering buildings of the city, getting lower and lower to the street. It was nothing they hadn't done before although in the past, they hadn't been fighting aliens with a team of genetically engineered superheroes. "He's not my soulmate, but I won't deny that I'm attracted to him." She said carefully. She couldn't deny that to Clint. Somebody else? Maybe. But not her best friend. However, she _could_ deny the way her soulmate mark twinged whenever she was with Steve, and she would deny, deny, and _deny_ that until she believed the lie.

"Tasha,' I've known you for _too_ many years. You're different around Steve and not in a bad way. You can hide your mark all you want, but you can't hide how you feel. At least, not from me." Clint said, multitasking like a pro as they dodged flying androids and aliens. As they flew deeper and deeper into the fray, the battle was intensifying, and adrenaline began to surge through Natasha's body. She had never done anything like this in her line of work, and she hadn't even considered bringing Epic who was safe at home; it was truly way over her head, and she wouldn't dare put Epic's life at risk like that. Natasha hardly got nervous about missions with so much experience under her belt, but this time was an exception as she had never fought extraterrestrials before. 

"We aren't soulmates." She snapped, glancing at him with acrimony glinting in her emerald eyes that would make anyone - _but Clint_ \- back off.

"Okay." He sung playfully. Just as he was about to push her buttons and drive her further up the wall, a massive, snake-like android came flying around the building adjacent to them. "Shit, that's a mean lookin' thing." He grumbled, swiftly changing the course of the Quinjet as their conversation about Steve was put on hold.

_They were both truly in way over their heads._

"We need to land. Get close enough to the ground so we can jump, and hopefully that thing will follow the jet instead of us." Natasha said, swiftly coming up with a plan to get them out of the dire situation unscathed. The Quinjet was military grade but was no match for the android from space, an alternate universe, or wherever the hell it had come from.

Clint nodded, and they both unbuckled their seatbelts as he pressed a button that dropped an escape hatch behind their seats. "Yes ma'am." He quipped, and Natasha momentarily thought of when Steve had greeted her with the word _ma'am_ as he landed in New York a few days after she had recruited him. If it was any other person, she would've slapped them but because it was Steve, she found it rather flattering. On the other hand, as much as she wanted to slap Clint, now was definitely not the time. The jet descended lower and lower and as soon as they were close enough to the ground where the fall wouldn't be fatal, they jumped together. Clint landed and rolled onto his side, but Natasha was lithe enough to land gracefully and just as she had predicted, the android followed the Quinjet through the narrow buildings.

A few moments later, there was a defeating _boom_ when the Quinjet and the android crashed into a parking garage. "One down, God knows how many to go." Natasha mumbled to Clint.

A few blocks away, Steve Rogers fought the extraterrestrials with the intent to kill. He didn't feel remorse - they were mere robots programmed to seize earth and prevail over mankind. He did, however, feel sorrow for the city and the millions of people who resided in the buildings reduced to rubble. It would take months, if not years, to rebuild but as long as they - _The Avengers_ \- prevented the fall of human civilization, the restoration would be worth while. His frayed nerves had long dissipated as he fought expertly. The aliens were predictable, but they just kept coming! Now, Loki had released massive, potent androids that only The Hulk could destroy. They were significantly outnumbered, but their fight hadn't waned. They did, however, need a new plan. The one they had evidently wasn't working. Even The Avengers couldn't fight forever.

"You know, this won't mean a damn thing if we don't close that portal."

He threw his shield that ricocheted back to him, delivering a fatal blow to an extraterrestrial that charged at him. He then turned to look at Natasha, who had spoken, and Clint quickly walking towards him, their weapons drawn as identical determination glinted in their eyes. The soot and ash from the crumbling city settled on their sleek uniforms that already coated Steve's, darkening his hair and varnishing the features of his face. As much as he longed to gaze at Natasha and admire how beautiful she looked amongst the war, he had to focus. If he didn't, people would die, and he would never forgive himself if that happened because of his own costly mistake. "You'll need a ride." He murmured in agreement, looking up at the swirling, dark portal high above the city. Dozens of extraterrestrials and their warfare circled in and out of it, and Steve knew that Natasha was right. 

They needed to close that portal.

"I got one, but I'll need a boost." She smirked at him, her lips lifting into that little smile that drove him wild.

 _Focus!_ His mind said, admonishing his heart that began to race, and it had nothing to do with the battle waging around them. 

He followed her gaze to the robotic aliens that circled above them on hovercrafts, and he knew what she was planning to do without having to ask. "Are you sure about this?" He mused. It was dangerous, borderline insane, but what wasn't? They were fighting aliens, after all, and Natasha hijacking one of their UFOs was definitely not the craziest thing he'd seen that day.

"Yeah, it'll be fun." She shrugged casually.

_Well... if she was sure._

She took a few steps backwards and gestured to the totaled car behind him. He braced himself against it, holding his shield flat out in front of him for Natasha jump off of. They waited patiently until a alien was about to fly over head and then Natasha ran at him, jumped off his shield, onto the car, and then impressively grabbed onto the hovercraft. She was swiftly whisked away as the aircraft turned a corner, and she was out of their sight.

Steve looked at Clint, evidently starstruck at her extraordinary bravely and selflessness. He had never doubted Natasha, but he had been incredulous of her petite stature and history as a spy, as she had told him a mere few hours ago in the Stark Tower conference room. She had proved him wrong in every way possible; he had truly never met anyone like her, and he wasn't sure if he ever would.

"Yeah, she's pretty awesome." Clint said as if he'd read his mind.

That might've been the biggest understatement of the century.

* * *

"Did you see the dumb face Loki made once we finally had him cornered?" Tony exclaimed, throwing his head back with laughter before he drowned another shot of vodka.

Natasha was convinced he had mixed it was something else Pepper wouldn't approve of, and it was certainly doing the trick, getting Ironman, as well as Hawkeye, drunk off their asses. Although, she figured after all that Clint had been through in the past forty-eight hours, he had earned a night off before he returned home to Laura and the kids tomorrow night.

Tony had invited them to his tower to celebrate saving human civilization with his grand gestures and lavish services. Even Maria Hill and Fury had come to unwind after the day's events, and Clint had all but dragged Natasha, along with Epic, out of her apartment and into the heart of Manhattan. She sat on the plush, leather couch beside Maria and for the first time in a long time, Natasha was able to have a conversation with her about something other than work - like Brett, a S.H.I.L.D agent who Maria was sleeping with, and Natasha's own non-existent love life. Love was for children, as she had told Maria, Loki, and so many others. It had been instilled in her by the Red Room at such a young age, the four words forever engraved in her mind; ones she still believed to be true. _Sure_ , she loved her dog but loving a human was entirely different.

"I think your dog replaced you." Maria murmured to Natasha, breaking the comfortable silence between with a smirk tugging at the corner of her lips as Natasha followed her gaze to where Epic lay on the floor. Her head was in Steve's lap as he mindlessly combed his fingers through her fur while he conversed with Bruce Banner about the significant changes to the world and how eye opening it was.

Her heart thrummed at the sight. Epic wasn't a callous dog by any means, but she trusted very few people and in the past, she had only sought attention from Natasha. It was heartening to see her bond with another person - Captain America of all people - and relax in a place that wasn't her home. "Yeah, I think she has. Maybe she should be his partner instead of mine." She mused although, Maria knew she really didn't mean that.

Her friend was quiet for a moment, the wheels seeming to turn in her head. "What if it was all three of you? If Rogers sticks around, he will need a partner." She finally said. 

Natasha's pulse pricked. No, no, _no_. There was no way she could spend hours, days, _even weeks_ alone in hotel rooms and safe houses with Steve. There was no way she would be able to omit the vestige between them, to deny everything she felt for him and focus on her job as a spy. He was a solider, after all. History had even delineated that they weren't supposed to get along. "I don't know..." She shook her head, inhaling deeply as she looked away from Steve and back at Maria.

"You did promise to teach me how to fight..." Steve quipped, glancing back at the women and taking them both by surprise.

"Were you listening to our conversation this whole time?" Natasha glowered at him, vexation glinting in her emerald eyes as his azure ones looked into hers.

"Super-serum... super hearing..." He shrugged abashedly, crimson flush darkening his cheeks. 

"I wonder if something else is super." Maria whispered to Natasha although, she wasn't particularly quiet about it. 

Natasha gaped at her as Steve swiftly flushed even more vividly.

"Even I heard that." Bruce laughed.


	4. bye-bye bikinis

"Seriously, Nat?" Steve Rogers spoke dubiously, looking at the brazen woman in front of him as her captivating, emerald eyes met his azure ones. _God_ , she was stunning, making his heart thrum and inclination twist up his spine. "What is it with you trying to set me up with every woman you can think of?" He asked, trying not to let his angst seep into his voice. 

_Now, it was evident she didn't feel the same way about him._

After neutralizing Loki and saving human civilization three weeks ago, he had joined S.H.I.E.L.D's strike team and been paired with Natasha and Epic, just as Maria had suggested many nights ago at Stark Tower. It wasn't really what he thought it was going to be; they had only been assigned two missions, both completed in a breeze with Natasha's stealth, Epic's sharp senses, and Steve's brute strength. He hadn't expected to be charging into the fray of battle every weekend when he had accepted the job offer, but he had anticipated more action. However, Natasha had kept her promise to teach him how to fight tactically and every other day, they met in S.H.I.L.D's state of the art training center to spar. Today had been going well - _he actually felt on top of his game_ \- until Natasha suggested he ask out S.H.I.E.L.D agent, Rachel, then Samantha, _and then_ Ali. 

It had completely thrown him off. He was only interested in one woman who clearly didn't want him and _clearly_ wasn't his soulmate. He had been trying to cross the lines of professionalism with her, to earn her trust and, at least, see her outside of work once in a while. Last week, he had even inveigled her to go out to dinner with him, and he had reveled in it all. However, no matter what he felt for her; the potent vestige, the spark of his soulmate mark, and the unduly - frankly unprofessional - protectiveness, he had to face the music. Natasha wasn't his soulmate like he thought she was.

"Come on, Rogers. You need to get out more... go out with some twenty-first century women and get laid." She retorted, taking advantage of Steve's dismay and landing a swift kick to his abdomen. The words even left a sour taste in her mouth - every woman she mentioned, every place she suggested he take them - it all made her heart ache painfully and her stomach twinge with envy. The more time she spent with Steve; the long nights on missions, the wonderful evening he had taken her out to dinner in Brooklyn, and the days they spent training combatively, the more she had come to adore him. He was an utter gentleman, but he didn't treat her like she was just another pretty face. He genuinely cared about what she had to say and she did as well, reveling in his stories from the war, the way he smiled at her, and the way they could talk for hours about anything and everything.

 _God_ , she was so far gone, but she had to protect him from herself. _She could never have him._ A sinister, former KGB assassin and the glorious Captain America weren't even supposed to be friends and that's what they were becoming.

"Who says I don't... go out, I mean?" He mumbled, swiftly recovering from her kick and grasping her arm in his strong grip. He was heedfully not to restrain her too tightly as he kicked her leg out from underneath her in the tactical way she had taught him. She gracefully landed on her knee and twisted her arm out of his grip before taking a step back.

"You need to hold tighter and stiffen your arm so the person you're fighting can't twist out of your grip like I just did." She told him, bracing herself for his next move. "And I know you're not going out, much less getting laid. What's the harm in going out on a few dates?"

Steve shook his head, trying to recall discreet moves they had worked on while attempting to conjecture a response that wouldn't delineate how disheartened he was. "Why don't I set you up on a date then?" He said after a few moments. _No_. The words sounded erroneous as soon as they slipped past his lips.

He quickly stepped forward and aimed a pulled punch to her rib cage. His knuckles brushed the fabric of her tee shirt, but he tried again and managed to land the blow. The breath _whooshed_ out of Natasha's chest, and she groaned internally, trying not to show Steve just how much the blow had stung. She knew how hard he tried to pull his punches with her, but he was still learning and occasionally, his vigor overtook him. Anytime that he perceived he had accidentally hurt her - even if it was something she had taken plenty of times before - he would refuse to spar with her for the rest of the day and insist she sit down with an ice pack. The last thing she needed - _or wanted_ \- was him doting over her. "I'm in a very happy relationship with my dog. Only now she has a side chick - _you_." She said through a sharp exhale, pulling her shoulders back and gritting her teeth.

It was too late, however. He had already perceived that he had hurt her. "God, Nat. I'm sorry." He mumbled, letting his guard down and stepping towards her to make sure she was okay.

"I'm fine." She snapped. As soon as he was close enough, she pulled her infamous, Black Widow move that always took him - _well, anyone_ \- down. Leaping forward, she hooked her leg over his shoulder and threw her weight backwards, making him fall down onto the mat. She swiftly turned on her heels and put her knees on his heaving chest, her hands above his head as she stared down at him. "When I tell you something, I mean it and that goes for when I say I'm fine." She smirked down at him, gazing into his azure eyes that she swiftly found herself drowning in.

_She was so far gone for him._

Heat suffused through her core all the way down to the tips of her toes as he stared up at her, his pupils blown wide, and she knew it wasn't from their spar. As much as she longed to lean down and take everything he could give her - a brazen, passionate kiss, his cock that was surely super - just like everything else - and gentle caresses from his large hands, she had to _focus_. "Now, try again." She told him firmly, shattering the entrancing spell between them.

* * *

S.H.I.E.L.D. had fallen in a fiery fury, bringing down everything in Natasha's life with it. Fury was gone - _dead_. The man who had believed in her more than she had ever believed in herself, the man who had protected her from the United States government whom wanted to jail her for her crimes. The man who was the fatherly figure in her life and had _trusted_ her when no one else but Clint would. She had thought that she had gone straight, wiping out the red in her ledger with the goodness she had done for S.H.I.E.L.D. but come to find out, she was doing someone's dirty work, and her ledger was gushing crimson blood, staining her hands red that she would never be able to wash away. All her connections and those she trusted were gone, replaced with liars, two-timing heinous people who were determined to watch the world burn.

She had no one left, not even Epic.

She knew something was amiss when Fury had diverged her from a rescue mission to download S.H.I.E.L.D. intel onto an encrypted hard drive, and she had asked Maria to take Epic and keep her safe. She knew her friend was one of the few people left who she could trust. _She had to._ Even if she didn't, even if she had her doubts, she had to take a chance. Now, she had to take a chance and get her hands on the flash drive Steve Rogers had. She knew it had _everything_ to do with S.H.I.E.L.D.'s downfall and of course, the glorious Captain America had it. Things between her and Steve had been taut since their mission to save hostages on the ship. Well, that had been Steve's mission, and she knew her partner - well, ex-partner - didn't trust her anymore. She couldn't blame him, however.

She hardly trusted herself.

After her poignant goodbye to Fury - _God, he deserved better_ \- she had gotten a taste of how bad of a liar Steve was and watched him hide the flash drive in the hospital vending machine. It wasn't necessarily a bad, provisional hiding spot, but she knew he would have to get it within the hour before someone else noticed it.

Of course, she beat him too it.

Rolling the sweet bubblegum across her tongue and swallowing thickly, she watched him step up to the vending machine, perceiving the way trepidation and dismay crossed his handsome face when he saw that someone had taken the flash drive. She had been planning to take it and run, seeking out the answers by herself just like she'd done in the past. However, there was something deep inside her that told her to trust Steve, to not leave him in the dark because he most likely knew as much as she did, if not more. He had never given her a reason not to trust him. After all, he stood for all the goodness in the world, and he had believed in her to protect him in Cairo.

Now, she had to believe in him.

Inhaling deeply, she walked into the stark, white hallway and stood behind him, catching his azure orbs in the reflection of the vending machine glass. She popped her bubblegum, and his eyes flashed with animosity, something she had never seen in him before. He turned around and grasped her arm in an unyielding hold, swiftly backing her into a break room across the hall. She let him; she didn't fight. She let him back her against a wall and pin her to it with his hands underneath her arms. She let him get in her face like she had never let anyone before. She let him because she trusted him, because no matter how angry he was, he would never truly hurt her.

He didn't trust her anymore, but she trusted him.

"Where is it?" Steve demanded quietly, his voice strident and husky as he pinned Natasha against the wall like he should've done while they sparred.

"Safe." She shot back, staring up into his swirling, azure eyes. He didn't scare her - he was trying to - but she knew him better than he even knew himself. He was driven to protect those who couldn't defend themselves, and he would do anything to do just that, even if it meant rattling her around and drilling her for answers she didn't have.

He leaned in close to her, their noses mere inches from one another's. Her soulmate mark on the nape of her neck twinged with scalding heat, momentarily drawing her attention away from the situation at hand as she convened on the vestige between them. "Do better." He spoke through his teeth, and her assiduity was swiftly pulled back to where they were and the danger they were both in. The person who had killed Fury - _she knew exactly who it was_ \- wanted those allied with him dead as well. It was only a matter of time until the assassin found them.

"Where did you get it?" She asked although, she already conjectured how he had gotten it. She just needed the affirmation.

He hesitated, and _there it was_. "Why would I tell you?" He snapped, but it was too late. The Red Room had expertly trained her to scrutinize people, and she could read right through the little show Steve put on.

"Fury gave it to you... why?" She knew who had given it to him, but she wondered what her boss had been thinking. _Sure_ , he was Captain America, but his knowledge of S.H.I.E.L.D.'s network was finite, and Fury had kept multiple missions and proceedings hidden from Steve; if Fury hadn't kept Steve in the dark, he and Natasha might not have been interrogating one another in a hospital break room.

She knew there was undoubtedly logic behind Fury's reasoning, but she had to speculate exactly what it is. It was arduous to, however. The lines between professionalism and friendship were blurred, she didn't know who she had been working for, and the person who had all the answers was dead.

"What's on it?" Steve asked, genuinely believing that she knew.

Natasha wished that she did. "I don't know." She shook her head, glancing over his shoulder as someone walked past the room although, they were incognizant to her and Steve. 

"Stop lying!" He hissed, pushing her further up the wall.

She was forced up onto the tips of her toes, vexation twisting up her spine as she glared at him. They were getting no where yelling at one another in a hospital break room; she didn't have the answers he wanted, and he evidently didn't trust her. "I only act like I know everything, Rogers." She retorted, hoping he would perceive that she was telling the truth, and they could work together to at least figure out who they had been operating under. 

"Bet you knew Fury hired the pirates didn't you?" He quipped.

_How did he know?_

"Well, it makes sense. Fury needed a way in... so do you." She said, striking a nerve of his just as she had intended.

He pushed her even further against the wall, holding her even tighter. "I'm not going to ask you again!" He growled.

Even then, she wasn't scared of him. "I know who killed Fury... most of the intelligence community doesn't believe he exists, the ones who do call him the Winter Soldier. He's credited with over two dozen assassinations in the last fifty years." She said.

_That got Steve's attention._

"So, he's a ghost story." Steve mumbled, letting her go although, he didn't step away from her.

She sighed with relief as he apprehended that she was there to help him, that for the first time in a long time, she was telling the truth. "Five years ago, I was escorting a nuclear engineer out of Iran. Somebody shot out my tires near Odessa. We lost control - went straight over a cliff. I pulled us out, but the Winter Soldier was there. I was covering my engineer, so he shot him straight through me." She explained, pulling up her shirt to show him the scar on the side of her stomach. "Soviet slug, no rifling. Bye-bye bikinis." She said.

He glanced down at the scar - the one of many she had. "Yeah, I bet you look terrible in them now." He retorted sarcastically.

She smirked. So, he had checked her out just as she had to him. As much as she would've reveled in teasing him about it, they didn't have time. The Winter Solider was after them. "Going after him is a dead end. I know, I've tried." She pulled the flash drive from her pocket and held it up. "Like you said, he's a ghost story."

"Well, let's find out what the ghost wants." He murmured.

"Didn't we do that in Cairo?" She quipped.

"Natasha... you're not funny."

She laughed and pushed past him.

* * *

In just under three hours, Steve's world had been tilted on its' axis. In under three hours, he had began to question everything he thought he knew about the world he lived in, about S.H.I.E.L.D., _about Natasha._ She had lied, manipulated him - _they all had lied_ \- and he had been left in the dark about everything, watching from a two-way mirror. Now, Fury was dead, S.H.I.E.L.D. wanted him dead, and he had to put his trust into a woman who had deceived him multiple times.

"First rule of going on the run is, don't run, walk." She told him quietly, her head ducked low as her hoodie shielded her face from him. He walked beside her, dressed in the ludicrous outfit she had instructed him to wear while they tried to find out what was on the hard drive in a shopping mall of all places.

"If I run in these shoes, they're gonna fall off." He mumbled, looking around for any S.H.I.E.L.D. agents as if they had already found them. He and Natasha could run and hide, even fight their way out of the mess they were in, but the innocent civilians around them couldn't, and they were putting them in danger by using the store's computer. He hoped that whoever had inundated S.H.I.E.LD. would, at least, have compassion for those who weren't involved. He didn't think they would, however.

From the corner of his eye, he saw her roll her emerald eyes, and she pressed into his side, gesturing to an Apple store adjacent to them. Heat twisted up his spine as her hand brushed against his, and he inhaled sharply, feeling the vestige he had tried to omit ever since he had realized she wasn't his soulmate. _It wasn't fair._ It was like there was an invisible force field around her that drew him in every damn time no matter how hard he tried to disdain everything he felt for Natasha. It wasn't fair that she wasn't his to love but even if she was, he didn't know if he could.

He felt like he didn't know her anymore.

Turns out, he really didn't. 

He knew she was adept undercover and under pressure, but he didn't think she was this good. Even as she whispered what to do and how to act, she was still composed and worked swiftly to find out where the hard drive had come from and of course, it had to be where he was trained in the military. Fate was truly a fickle thing and as fate had it, a dozen, armed S.H.I.E.L.D agents were already searching the shopping mall for them when they walked out of the store. He had been trained to engage methodically, to never back down from a fight and to do whatever it took to protect those he fought for. Divergent to Natasha, she was lithe and cunning; if she didn’t have to engage, she wouldn’t, and she had saved them when those hunting them like vermin had come right towards them. When she had instructed Steve to put his arm around her, he hadn’t even hesitated. _He had to trust her._ He had been thrown in the deep end, but Natasha wasn’t letting him drown.

He had thought that they had gotten away, that maybe, _just maybe_ , they had a chance. If they could just reach the lower level that led to the parking garage, he could hot wire a car, and he and Natasha could head to New Jersey to find out what was on the flash drive.

However, Steve knew something was amiss when she turned to look at him with wide eyes as they took the escalator down to the ground floor. “Kiss me.” She whispered.

Surely, he had to be dreaming. “What?” He asked, entirely bewildered as he wondered what in the world she was thinking and how a kiss would aid in their getaway.

“Public displays of affection make people very uncomfortable.” She said hurriedly.

“Yes, they do.” He quipped, still not understanding her reasoning. He was too convened on her to see Rumlow coming up the escalator adjacent to them, too convened on thinking about how much he had been longing to kiss her ever since they had sparred in the obsolete gym in Brooklyn. He definitely hadn’t envisioned kissing her on a mall escalator while running from S.H.I.E.L.D, however.

She quickly wrapped her arm around the back of his neck and pulled him down to kiss him. Their lips brushed, his eyes closed, and suddenly, nothing around him mattered. It didn’t matter where they were, who was after them, and that their lives were on the line. It didn’t matter that she and Fury had lied to them, that he was left in the dark about everything and now, he had to find the light. All that mattered with her soft lips on his was that she was in his arms and for the very first time in a long time, he felt _home_. Voluptuous heat spread from his soulmate mark on his ribs throughout his body like wild fire, his hands grasping her hips, pulling her even closer. Closer, closer, _closer_. It wasn’t enough, and he knew he wouldn’t ever be able to get enough of her. He swore he saw a bright light behind his closed eyelids as his tongue caressed her bottom lip, and she submissively opened her mouth to him. 

A fleeting, adoring kiss swiftly turned passionate, blooming with fervor and need as they kissed harder - _deeper_. Her small hands grasped the collar of his jacket, and she moaned into his mouth. His cock hardened, his soulmate mark burning with vestige but suddenly, it was all over as Natasha was jerked away from him.

He swiftly composed himself and realized she had stumbled when the escalator had reached the bottom. He grasped her arm to steady her, ignoring the glares from those around them and the man that grumbled for them to ‘Get a room.’

“Let’s go, Steve.” She mumbled, swiftly turning into the refined and professional spy she had been only moments ago. He would have thought that he had envisioned the kiss if she hadn’t grasped his hand and pulled him forward.

He didn’t even have the time to think about how his soulmate mark still burned bright like a flame. 


	5. in the wrong business

The words rung in Natasha's ears, even as she dreamt. 

_"I am afraid I have been stalling, Captain. Admit it, it's better this way. We're both...out of time."_

S.H.I.E.L.D. had tried to kill her and Steve - _Captain fucking America_. The organization who had recruited them to be apart of something she had believed to be great. The people who had saved Steve from the ice and helped him acclimate to the twenty-first century, those who had seemingly cared but had never really given a single fuck. Her and Steve were unknowingly aiding in the murder of millions of people, helping HYDRA impose it's reign on the world in the utmost sinister way. Not only that, but she felt entirely responsible for dragging Steve down with her, for leading him through the dangerous path to destruction right into the open arms of HYDRA. He had _died_ to protect the world from the regime, and it was her fault that they were trying to kill him again.

Behind her closed eyelids as she slept, she saw the hundreds of people she had murdered in cold blood, the innocent lives she'd stolen as the devil's mistress - the Red Room's perfect, little assassin. She saw the hospital fire she ignited. The burning children. The doctors trying to save those they could reach. The terrifying, unforgettable screams. She felt their anguish, the flames licking at her heart as they engulfed her in flashbacks she tried so hard to forget.

Beside her in the driver's seat of the car, Steve was startled awake as Natasha thrashed next to him in the passenger seat, twisting and turning with the flashbacks that haunted her like the demons in her mind did. "Easy, _easy_!" Steve pleaded, his hands grasping her shoulders as she awoke suddenly. "You're okay. We're safe." He said soothingly, drawing back to cup her face with his large hands and brush her fiery, red hair from her face. He stared into her emerald eyes glistening with something akin to fear, and he watched her slowly regain her composure as she pushed the memories to the back of her mind. She slowly pulled away from him, exhaling shakily through her parted lips. 

"Where are we?" She asked quietly, glancing around at their surroundings. There was nothing to see but towering trees and thick thickets that kept the car hidden. It was then she noticed he had draped his jacket across her in a kind gesture, making her wonder why he had even saved her life when the bunker collapsed. She surely didn't deserve his benevolence and forgiveness he was so willing to give.

He sighed, leaning back into the leather seat and rubbing his eyes that were still heavy with exhaustion. "Somewhere north of Jersey. I just needed to rest for a of couple minutes." He replied. Although, a couple of minutes had turned into an hour when his body had relinquished to the sleep he so desperately needed, even as a super-solider.

She looked at him closely, perceiving the wounds on his body, the dark circles under his eyes, and the soot on his clothes. She knew she looked significantly worse than he did, and she wondered how he still managed to look so handsome after all they had been through. "Are we going back to D.C.?" She asked, her heart twisting even more painfully as she conjectured that he had protected her during the explosion, carried her God knows how long to find a car, and evaded S.H.I.E.L.D. - _well, HYDRA_ \- all at the same time. She owed him her life yet she didn't know how she would ever repay him; he deserved everything the world was too cruel to give him.

"Yeah. I know somewhere we might be able to crash for a while and figure out what to do." He said, starting the engine of the car, pulling out of the thicket, and onto the road. Beside him, Natasha tilted her head back against the headrest and looked at him as he drove. He could feel her eyes on him, the moonlight casting shadows across her flawless features, and he resisted the compelling urge to reach for her hand. He could trust her, even though she had lied to him. She was on his side, and he knew that now. He didn't know her past, but he knew who she was and that's all that mattered to him.

She pulled his jacket around her shoulders and relished in the heat that blew from the vents, along with Steve's presence that made her body thrum as they rode in comfortable silence until she spoke. "Do you want me to drive for a while?" She asked, already expecting him to renounce her offer.

"Do you want to end up in a ditch?" He quipped. She sat up to glare piercingly at him although, a soft smile tugged at the corner of her lips. He winced visibly, not seeing her smile as he kept his eyes on the winding road. "You've been unconscious for about three hours. If everyone wasn't trying to kill us, I'd take you to a hospital." He explained, knowing she was only trying to be helpful.

"You're still an asshole." She said although, that was evidently far from the truth. "... My God, you carried me for three hours?" She then sighed, shaking her head to herself. She would forever be in debt to him but since it was Steve, she didn't think it would be so bad. She would do just about anything for him - he had her trust, and very few people did.

He smiled softly, glancing at her momentarily before he looked back at the road. "No. Just two. Luckily, you're as light as a feather." He replied.

"I don't know whether to be insulted or take that as a compliment." She murmured.

Before he could respond, she reached over and took his hand that rested on his thigh. Her thin fingers fit in between his, and he held her hand as if it was the simplest thing in the world, as if it hadn't taken a formidable amount of bravery for her to reach out both physically and emotionally. He simply brushed his thumb over her knuckles soothingly, smiling to himself as he pressed his palm against hers, and Natasha felt heat blossom from her soulmate mark, chasing away the demons that were trying to bring her down.

* * *

Sam Wilson was undoubtedly shocked as soon as he opened his front door to find the Black Widow and Captain America on his doorstep looking utterly exhausted and disheveled. "Hey, man." He said, his brown eyes kind and understanding even as he looked at them with his eyebrows raised. 

Guilt twisted it's wicked grip around Steve's heart as he looked at the veteran who he considered a trustworthy friend. The last thing he wanted to do was drag Sam into the mess that he and Natasha's life had become, but she hadn't known anyone else to turn to and neither did he. "I'm sorry about this. We need a place to lay low." He murmured, glancing up into his friend's eyes and then looking at Natasha. When S.H.I.E.L.D. had fired the missile at them, she had hit her head as the building caved in around them and fallen unconscious. He was worried about her, and he knew he was doing a terrible job of hiding it. If she could just take a few hours to rest, he hoped it would be enough for her to continue fighting a battle much bigger than themselves. "We won't stay long at all." He said.

"Everyone we know it's trying to kill us." She spoke quietly as she looked up at the man Steve said they could trust. She hoped he wasn’t mistaken. 

Sam shook his head, opening the door for them and stepping aside. "Not everyone. You guys are welcome to stay as long as you need too." He replied assuredly.

Natasha leaned into Steve's touch when he placed his hand on her lower back as Sam led them through his house to the guest bedroom. It was a small gesture, trivial to others, but it eased her frayed nerves. She was stepping - _no, leaping_ \- out of her comfort zone. After Clint retired, she always worked alone with her dog, always running the show and making the decisions on her own. That all had changed when Steve stepped into the picture. Now, she was trusting him to make choices that would either save or end their lives and as much as she trusted him, it was nonetheless daunting.

She didn't listen to Steve and Sam's conversation as they talked. She had nothing to say other than, 'Thank you,' but that didn't even seem to be enough to express her gratitude. The two men hovered in the doorway of the guest room as Natasha locked herself in the bathroom to shower, stripping of her soiled clothes, tossing them outside the door, and washing away the dirt and soot that turned the water brown. The hot spray eased her jarring headache, and she took her time to muse over everything that had transpired over the last forty-eight hours. The more she thought about S.H.I.E.L.D. actually being HYDRA, the more she perceived inkling that she should've noticed long ago that would've saved many lives if she wasn't so callous. It was all in front of her yet she had overlooked the obvious, never questioning the missions or orders given to her because she thought she was doing what was right, even if she was lying - _while being lied to._

"You' alright in there, Nat?"

She heard Steve ask, and she realized just how long she had been in the shower. She turned off the spray and wrapped a towel around herself. "Yeah, I'll be out in a minute." She called, drying herself off and putting on the clean clothes one of the men had set on the bathroom counter for her to wear for the time being. She stared at herself in the mirror, trying to comb her fingers through her curly hair as she looked over the cuts and scrapes on her face. "Fuck." She whispered under her breath as her finger brushed over her soulmate mark. The makeup covering it had been washed away, and she didn't have anything to conceal it with. Turning over the collar of the hoodie she had been given, she hoped it would suffice and emerged from the bathroom.

She mustered a smile as Steve looked at her while he laid on the bed, his azure orbs glazed over blearily. "You look like shit." She hummed. "Go take a shower. Heaven knows you need it."

He chuckled softly, sitting up and running his fingers through his tousled, blonde hair. She sat down beside him, and he gazed at her, perceiving her despondent, emerald eyes as she looked away from him. "What's going on?" He asked, reaching out and taking her hand just as she had done in the car. She didn't pull back, and he pressed their palms together, relishing in how it felt to hold her hand. He tried to comfort her, to at least assure her that he was on her side and willing to listen to whatever was going on in her mind. Although, he knew he wouldn't be able to ease her grief no matter what he did or said.

She sighed, looking down at their hands as she spoke. "When I first joined S.H.I.E.L.D., I thought I was going straight, but I guess I just traded in the KGB for HYDRA. I thought I knew whose lies I was telling, but I guess I can't tell the difference anymore."

He felt her anguish, wishing more than anything he could take hers and bear the weight on his shoulders so she didn't have to. He knew her past. Well, some of it. He knew she had been used and abused by those she had once trusted, and it had all been a vicious cycle they both were caught in. "There's a chance you might be in the wrong business." He mumbled, wishing he knew the right things to say. He had never been in her place before. _Sure_ , he had done heinous things in the war and murdered dozens, but he always knew who he was fighting for and whose side he was on. _Well, until he joined S.H.I.E.L.D.._ She smiled softly at him, and he smiled back as he shifted closer to her. "I know you're not a bad person. I knew that from the beginning. I didn't trust you, and I'm a jerk for not believing in you from the start. Despite all that, I never really questioned your drive to do good in a world that has been so cruel to you."

She leaned forward, dropping his hand and wrapping her arms around his neck. He held her closely as his heart thrummed in his chest.

"I owe you." She whispered.

He shook his head, rubbing her back comfortingly and feeling her taut muscles under his hand. "No, you don't."

"If it was the other way around, and it was down to me to save your life, and you be honest with me, would you trust me to do it?" She asked tentatively.

"I know you would, and I'm always honest." He replied with the utmost confidence. He believed in her just like he had believed in Bucky and Peggy.

She pulled back, but he reached out and brushed her hair over her shoulder. His heart began to pound as she leaned back into him, her eyes gleaming with vestige as he gazed at her with utmost respect. "Yeah, I know. You're a terrible liar. We should probably work on that." She quipped.

He laughed softly, closing the space between them and kissing her gently. It was simple, _sweet_. Nothing but a fleeting brush of their lips but that didn't make it any less enthralling. After a moment, he pulled back and pressed another kiss to her forehead as she placed her hand on his chest, feeling his heart race under the palm of her hand.

* * *

Natasha wasn't blind to the looks Sam and Maria shared. _No, not even slightly._ When Sam had offered his hand to Maria to help her out of the van, she had perceived the same ardent gaze her and Steve often shared. Even with a bullet in her shoulder, sticky, warm blood dripping down her jacket, and pain twisting it's way up her spine, she had noticed the ardor between them. She was a spy, after all.

Now, the dust had settled, and she could see clearly. Now, she had to stare reality in the eye.

Fury was alive, but he hadn't trusted her - _probably thinking she would turn a blind eye to the catalyst they were facing_ \- and they had to fight a battle much bigger than themselves. They didn't have a team. Well, not a proper one anyway. It was simply her, Fury, Maria, Sam, and Steve, who had to fight his childhood best friend whom he thought was dead. The only thing they had in common was that they had one prevailing goal: bring down HYDRA and save the thousands of people that the regime planned to murder. They didn't have a strategy, and time wasn't on their side, but they had one another... it had to be enough.

In the compound's lounge where Fury had taken refuge, Natasha sat on the couch with Epic lying across her legs. She was reunited with her dog and to her, that was more than enough. Her fingers combed through her thick, black fur as she thumbed with the bandage around her shoulder, trying not to eavesdrop on Sam and Maria she heard conversing in the makeshift kitchen.

"Where is yours?" She heard Sam ask inquisitively and then there was the sound of a zipper.

 _Oh, lord._ Natasha thought to herself, hoping they wouldn't jump one another in the kitchen.

"Wow... I can't believe I really found you." Sam said after a long pause.

Maria hummed in agreement. "Neither can I."

They were evidently soulmates.

Everyone could see it, and Natasha was elated for them. Love was for children, but who was she to deny them happiness? Soulmates didn't have to love one another although, it was said to be harrowing without the other half. She hoped HYDRA wouldn't tear them apart and that after all this was over, they could fall into one another's arms and never have to look back, contrasting to her and Steve who would never be able to do that, even if they wanted to.

_Which she didn't._

"Hi."

She looked up from her phone as Captain America himself walked into the lounge. Epic wagged her tail when she heard his voice, and Natasha smiled softly. "Ma'am." She quipped, repeating what he had said to her months ago when he had arrived in New York.

He gave her a bemused look, and she mustered a laugh, shifting closer to him as he sat down on the couch. He had been there when she needed him - when he was all she had - _and now, it was her turn to do the same for him._ She perceived the sadness in his ocean, blue eyes, the way his broad shoulders rounded forward as he leaned into the couch. She didn't know who the Winter Solider was to him, just how close they had been, and how much their pasts were intertwined. She did know, however, that the guilt Steve felt was staggering. "It's not your fault, возлюбленная." _[sweetheart.]_ She said quietly, nudging Epic off her and wrapping her arms around Steve's neck.

"Yes it is." He mumbled, holding her close as he pressed his face into the nape of her neck. She slid onto his lap, her legs on the side of his waist, holding onto one another as if it was the hundredth time. "I let him go... I thought he was dead and didn't try hard enough to find him. I just gave up." He said, his heart twisting painfully as he remembered feeling Bucky's hand slip out of his, watching his friend plummet to what he had thought had been his death. _It was his fault._ He could've held on longer - tighter. He could've tried harder; his best wasn't enough. It never seemed to be. 

"Steve, you can't play God. You are a super-hero, but you can't stop every bad thing from happening. You can, however, make amends." Natasha told him. "He doesn't remember you, I know. He had his brain wiped but after all this is over and HYDRA is destroyed, maybe you can figure out a way to help him."

He sighed, and his hands gently squeezed her hips. "Thank you, Nat." He murmured, his lips caressing her skin in a way that sent a delicious shiver up her spine, dulling the ache in her shoulder.

"I've always got your six, Rogers." She replied earnestly. 

"You too, ma'am."

" _God_ , don't call me that." She said with a soft laugh as she began to pull away from him.

He chuckled, drawing her back to his chest and holding her close. 


	6. puzzle pieces to the heart

The heart monitor beeped steadily as Steve Rogers slowly awoke from his slumber. His eyes were heavy, the sheets rubbing uncomfortably against his skin as he shifted in the hospital bed and tried to gather his bearings. Soft jazz music played from a speaker near his ear, and he opened his eyes to see Sam Wilson sitting in the chair beside the bed, a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth as his friend perceived that he had awoken. "On your left..." Sam said, setting down the magazine he had been reading as Steve sat up against the pillows behind him. The memories of how he ended up in a hospital came rushing back to him like a tidal wave, dragging him out to sea and swiftly pulling him under. He recalled the desperate moments to stop HYDRA's attack on the world, the final countdown... _3, 2, 1_... and then freeing Bucky in what would've ultimately been his last and final death. 

It had almost been Steve's as well.

That was until Bucky had remembered him. Even though the haze of his mind - _the brain washing, the torture and affliction_ \- his childhood best friend had remembered who he was and chose to save his life instead of killing him. Steve didn't remember anything after that, but he knew he had to help his friend.

However, there was someone else on his mind - someone who meant just as much to him. "Is Nat okay?" He asked Sam, apprehensiontwisting up his spine as he wondered where she was and praying she wasn't lying in a hospital bed as well. It had been afflicting to leave her side, to fight without her when he had been fighting with her for months now. Not only that, she was more vulnerable with her injured shoulder although, she was still capable of defending herself. She was the Black Widow, after all, but she was breakable. They all were, and Steve would be despondent if she had gotten hurt.

_Or worse._

"She's pissed but yeah, she's alright. She said something about killing the Winter Solider." He replied nonchalantly.

Relief washed over Steve, only to swiftly dissipate as he realized what Sam had said. "What?" He frowned, his blonde eyebrows creasing in worry. He didn't want Bucky assassinated, and he didn't want Natasha hurt trying to murder him. However, he was confined to a hospital bed and if she had gone after Bucky, there was nothing he could do until he was discharged. Panic and helplessness bubbled inside him as he thought about Bucky being killed or losing the woman he had come to adore. He didn't know which was worse.

"Sam! You weren't supposed to say anything to him."

Steve sighed with utter relief as he heard Natasha's voice, and she strode into the room with two bags of fast food in her arms. She smiled beautifully as if nothing was amiss - as if he wasn't in a hospital bed. It was as if he was at home waiting for her to lie down his arms, as if he was right where he belonged, and she was right by his side. Her emerald eyes met his azure ones as she walked to the bedside, sat down in one of the chairs, and placed the food on the table.

"Are you okay?" Steve asked, reaching out to take her hand.

Natasha couldn't help but smile, squeezing his hand softly and shifting her chair closer to the bed. "I'm perfectly fine." She told him assuredly. She hadn't been earlier; finding Steve on the riverbank as he desperately clung to the life he had left had been terrifying. She cared about him deeply just like she cared about Clint and his family... like she cared about Epic. It had been frightening that no matter how hard she tried to wake him by shaking him and shouting his name, he hadn't stirred. She could still feel his faint pulse under her fingers, but she knew if she reached out and felt it now, it would be strong and steady just as it had always been. "On the other hand, you gave us quite a fright."

"I'm just glad you're okay." He replied, his thumb brushing over the back of her hand as he gazed blearily at her, medication still coursing through his veins.

She leaned back in her chair, relishing in the heat and vestige that twisted up her spine as he pressed his palm against hers. She gazed at him, her emerald eyes watching his hazy, azure orbs flicker around the room and take in everything around him. For a moment, it was just she and Steve. For one quiet moment, she felt safe and relieved that he was by her side, even after everything they had been through in the last forty-eight hours. The steady _beep_ of the heart monitor softened her frayed nerves, and she mindlessly rubbed her thumb over his.

"What about me?" Sam asked playfully, swiftly drawing Natasha from her daze as he reached for the food she had brought for them.

Steve chuckled softly. "You too, man." He said, and Natasha smiled.

* * *

"You'll listen to the doctor, do you understand me?" Natasha snapped, glancing back at Steve as he walked into her flat, his azure eyes taking in the place that had been her home for over two years now. "You'll take that damn medicine."

"I will. I promise, Nat. I'll have you to remind me, anyway." He replied with a chuckle, setting down his bag as Epic sniffed his feet.

Since Steve's apartment had been ransacked after HYDRA infiltrated S.H.I.E.L.D., she had offered him a place at her flat while he healed from his injuries and searched for another apartment. It was entirely daunting to open her home - _her heart_ \- to him. It was nothing like sharing a hotel room on an overnight mission. This was intimate; Steve seeing who she really was and how she lived. Not that she really lived, anyway. Her flat wasn't a _home_ , a place full of heartfelt memories and love. It was minimalistic and simple, a building for her and Epic to return to after a long day and for now, it was Steve's as well.

"The spare bedroom is down the hall." She said, setting her keys down on the kitchen counter and snapping her fingers at Epic who swiftly returned to her side. "I'll order something for dinner. Whatever you want, I don't care."

Steve quickly perceived the tension in Natasha's shoulders. He was grateful that she had opened her home to him, but he hadn't expected her to. He had come to know her well, her small quirks and habits that made her the woman he adored and he knew that because of her past, she was reticent and guarded in the same way he was. The last thing he wanted to do was impose upon her privacy and make her jaded around him. If that meant him booking a hotel room for the next few weeks, he would. "Do you want me to leave? If you're uncomfortable with this, I will, and it's not a problem at all." He said, and she turned around to face him as he walked into the kitchen to stand beside her.

He reached out to take her hand and when she didn't pull away, he slid his fingers between hers. She squeezed their hands together as vestige sparked between them, and he smiled softly as her captivating, emerald eyes gazed into his. He curved his arm around the small of her back, stepping closer as the tension left her body. She stole the breath from his lungs without even trying. Every damn time he pulled her close and held her, his world tilted on its axis, and he had to ask himself how he got so lucky. "You can kick me out anytime." He told her, reaching up and brushing a strand of her red hair behind her ear.

The air around them crackled and sizzled as Natasha leaned even closer to Steve. She had told herself to not fall for him, to not cede to the heat dissipating through her soulmate mark and to omit how good it felt to be in his arms. However, it felt _right_. She knew it was wrong... he deserved so much better, but it just felt _so_ right. "I'll keep that in mind..." She whispered and when he leaned down to kiss her, she didn't pull away.

Their lips fit together like the last missing puzzle piece to her heart, and she reached up to run her fingers through his tousled, blonde hair as he grasped her hips. For the very first time, she could kiss him without a care in the world; HYDRA wasn't after them, they weren't on the run, and no one was around to tell her what was right and what was wrong. For the first time, she could relish in everything she felt for Steve and how he made her feel like she wasn't a cold-blooded murderer... that she was someone who could _feel_. Each slide of her lips with his and each delicious caress of their tongues sent exquisite shivers up her spine. She saw fireworks behind her closed eyelids and as she inhaled sharply, Steve backed her against the wall. She jumped up to wrap her legs around his waist, and his hands grasped her thighs, bracing her against the wall as their kisses morphed into searing passion that sparked through the evening like fireflies.

"Natasha, you are so beautiful." Steve whispered against her skin as he sponged kisses across the arch of her jaw. Beautiful didn't even begin to describe how stunning she was, and it wasn't just her beauty that went skin deep. It was her kindness, her selflessness, her drive, and her passion for what she believed in. He knew she didn't see it in herself, but he did.

"I want you to show me just how beautiful I am." She moaned as his soft lips brushed over her soulmate mark on the nape of her neck. Torridity and desire shot straight to her core, surprising her and taking her breath away with a _whoosh_. For a moment, she hoped her makeup would cover it well enough and then, she wondered if he had the same mark she tried so hard to hide. _If he was really her soulmate._ "Take this off." She urged, lifting the hem of his shirt over his head and throwing it on the floor behind him. She saw his sutures and bruising from his fight with the Winter Soldier and then, she saw it. 

_The hourglass encompassed within a star._

"Oh, my God..." She breathed, leaning back against the wall to look closely at the small mark glowing softly on his ribcage. She traced her finger over it, perceiving goosebumps that rose on his skin as she touched the mark that connected them... _her soulmate_ \- the thing she couldn't deny anymore.

"Where is yours?" He asked sounding as breathless as she was. He looked at her ardently, a soft smile on his lips as he watched her.

She froze in apprehension. What if he didn't want her forever? That's what soulmate marks entailed... _forever_. Surely Captain America wouldn't want the cruel Black Widow as his one true love. Surely, he would be better off with someone like Sharon Carter, even if she wasn't his true soulmate. Suddenly, Natasha was terrified of him rejecting her, severing the bond he didn't know they had but was evidently presuming that he was hers to _love_. "... I don't have one." She choked out, her heart twisting painfully as hurt flashed across his face.

" _Oh_." He sighed, disappointment and despondency rushing through him as if a bucket of ice water had been dumped on him. It chilled him to the bone. He had thought that she was the one, that everything he felt for her was real and not fragments he envisioned. He had thought that he was finally on the right path, _finally_ finding the one person who would be a constant in his life. He had been falling deeply in love with Natasha, but she wouldn't be able to catch him, and it hurt like hell.

She cupped his cheek, drawing his focus back to her as he looked into her emerald eyes shining with something he couldn't quite put his finger. "Steve... it doesn't matter. I need this. I need _you_ , even if it's just for one night." She said imploringly.

"Promise me one night." He murmured. He didn't know why he said yes; why he was agreeing to just one night with the woman he was falling for. Maybe it was because he longed for her to be his. Maybe he needed to feel her touch and worship her body in every way he knew how to. Maybe he wanted to know what it felt like to be hers, but maybe he would never quite know.

"One night..." She breathed.

He kissed her deeply, drawing her away from the wall and stumbling down the hallway to the bedroom. As she unzipped his jeans, he pulled off her sweater and laid her down on the bed, taking in the sight of her below him. He tried to engrave it into his memory, every scar, every constellation of freckles, and every mark on her body that made her who she was - _beautiful_. He leaned down and kissed her stomach, her ribcage, the swell of her breasts, all the way up to her lips as a part of him prayed he would find a soulmate mark amongst her scars, even though she didn't have one. Her hands slid up his back and around to his chest as he kissed her again, savoring the taste of her lips as if it was their last kiss.

She abruptly pushed him onto his back, and he yielded underneath her, gazing up at her as she sat astride him, a smirk on her lips that drove him wild. "You are just a... specimen." She laughed, echoing what the salesman had said in the mall.

He chuckled, running his hands up to the underside of her bra as she arched into his touch. He watched in enthrallment, wondering how many ways he could make her laugh _and_ moan his name.

Suddenly, she grasped his wrists and pinned his hands above his head. "I'm in charge." She winked chastely, letting go of his wrists to move towards the end of the bed and take off his jeans.

"For now..." He titillated, and she quirked her eyebrows at him in response.

Pleasure twisted up his body as she boldly grasped his cock in her hand and leaned down to kiss his soulmate mark. He swore he saw heaven as her tongue caressed the mark and her finger rubbed over the slit of his unbearably, hard cock. "Damn..." He breathed, his hips arching as his hands shook above him. All he could focus on was Natasha and how she massaged his cock as she kissed down his abdomen, her lips brushing over the tip and then her tongue running down his length.

"Maria was right... that super-serum left nothing untouched." She quipped before she took him into her mouth as far as she could, bobbing her head slowly as she sucked him.

He moaned, squeezing his eyes shut as his abdomen tightened and heat dissipated through his body. The pleasure struck his nerve endings, intensifying each stroke of her hand and her tongue as she hollowed her mouth and sucked him _hard_. "Natasha, I swear..." He gasped. She pulled back to laugh before going down on him again, and he pulled her hair back from her face, watching through his amorous, azure eyes. She looked up at him, and he longed to touch her, to tease and taste her, to make her feel as good as she made him feel, and just like that, he _snapped_. He grasped her hips, threw her down onto the bed, tore her leggings apart, and dove between her legs in one smooth moment that made her squeal with surprise. He couldn't help but moan as he tasted her silk, sucking her clit and tonguing her deeply knowing he was the luckiest man in the world. 

"Oh, _oh_... Steve!" She cried, her legs shaking as she twisted and turned beneath him as he held her down just where he wanted her. "Oh, _yes_!"

He wrapped his arms around her thighs, pinning her hips to the bed as he pulled back to kiss her clit softly before he spread her folds with his tongue and took all that she gave him. He didn't stop, not even as her walls tightened around his tongue and her hands trembled as she grasped at his hair. Her moans and cries spurred him on, and he didn't stop. _He couldn't._ He had only dreamed of this, to taste her as she came and to make her orgasm again and again until she was _his_. "Natasha." He moaned against her clit as he felt her on the crest of her orgasm, listening to her body as he pushed her closer to the edge of mind blowing pleasure until all that she could think about was him.

She arched underneath him, but he held her down as she came, caressing her clit with his tongue and kissing her through her orgasm. "Fuck! Steve... Steve!" She cried, throwing her head back against the pillow, her hips bucking as searing flames diffused all the way down to her toes, and she became extraordinarily sensitive as he sent her into overdrive. He sucked her clit harder as she barreled to another orgasm, but she wanted him - _needed him._ "Mhm... okay! I can't take anymore!" She exclaimed as her hips jerked, giggling like she had never before as she came down from her second high. He pulled back slowly, licking his lips and looking at her as if she'd given him something exquisite. 

"I love your laugh just as much as I love hearing you moan." He breathed, kissing up her body. He fumbled with her bra and managed to unclasp it after a few tries, his fingers brushing over her nipples that hardened as the cool air rushed over her breasts.

She smiled, touching his soulmate mark that seemed to glow more vividly then before. "I could say the same thing. You should laugh more often."

"You should too." He hummed, her hand wrapping around his cock. She stroked him slowly as she guided him between her legs, and he closed his eyes.

His length slid between her wet folds as she drew her hand away, and her legs hooked around his thighs. "Let's learn together then." She whispered, a ball of heat tightening in her core as the tip of his thick length sunk inside her. Pleasure struck her nerve endings as he slowly moved deep inside her, and she kissed his lips gently.

"Wait... condom." Steve froze, beginning to draw away from Natasha, but she tightened her legs around him. 

"Just pull out." She whined, arching her hips into his. She needed him - _everything he could give her with nothing between them._ She needed him like she needed air to breathe, _like she needed her soulmate._

He groaned as her walls tightened around his length. It was such a bad idea... she was so tight, so hot, and so perfect that he could lose himself in her forever. "I don't know if I'll be able to... God, Natasha!" He moaned, thrusting inside her once, twice, and then starting a steady, slow rhythm.

"You're a super-solider." She moaned, throwing her head back as he thrust inside her again, hitting a spot deep inside her that had her seeing stars. It was as if he knew what she was to him as he leaned down and sucked her soulmate mark, as if he knew it was there even though she knew the makeup covered it. She cried out, and he buried himself inside her as he sucked and caressed her skin with his tongue, his cock striking every spot inside her that made her cry his name as they moaned and came apart together.

One night turned into two, then four, and then one blissful week that ended much too soon.


	7. far from over

_Steve,_

_All my covers have been blown, the Red Room is after me again, and well... I'm officially fucked (and not in the good way like you fucked me). I'm sorry I had to leave so suddenly and I'm sorry I have to sever all my connections. The last thing I want is the Red Room coming after you._

_I do hope I'll see you again._

_But do me a favor... call that nurse. I mean, she's not a nurse but whatever. Give her a call. She's nice, you're nice, and it's a perfect match. I loved our week together, and I wish it didn't have to end, but we are just so different, and we both know we can't be together._

_Anyways I wish you the best and please be careful while you try to find the Winter Solider. If I come across him I promise I won't kill him, but I can't promise I won't hurt him for hurting you! Karma's a bitch... let him know that for me._

_\- С уважением, Нат и Эпик [Sincerely Nat and Epic]_

_PS: I hope you remember Russian_

_PSS: Epic wishes she could stay behind with you. Well we both do <3_

Steve hadn't known when Natasha had gotten a phone call in the middle of the night six months ago, she would leave and possibly not return. He hadn't known that might've been the last time he would make love to her, kiss her breathless, and even _talk_ to her. She wasn't his soulmate - _no_ \- but what he felt for her was real and ardent and when his soulmate mark kindled with vestige whenever they touched, he knew that he could love her for the rest of his life. He longed to hear her voice, to know she was, at least, alive, but he had no way to contact her and not even Clint knew her whereabouts.

_All he had was the damn note she slipped into his bag, the note he carried with him everywhere._

He and Sam had set off to find Bucky Barnes shortly after Natasha left, but their leads had been futile, and they returned to New York three months ago defeated and disheartened. Time had passed slowly - long missions that seemed idle without Natasha, galas at Stark's Tower where his friends insisted he ask out a multitude of women, and demanding days at a revived S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters that Fury and Maria built from the ground up - a small but momentous feat, a new start so many of them longed for.

That night was a new start for Steve as well... he was taking Sharon Carter on a date like Natasha had implored him to do in her letter. They were going to dinner with Sam and Maria, who had swiftly connected with their soulmate bond. It was a simple date, something that was supposed to be easy and something that wasn't supposed to hold any obligations, but it still felt _wrong_. There was only one woman he longed to be with, and it wasn't fair to Sharon to string her along like he felt like he was doing. Nonetheless, Sam had assured him he would enjoy himself, and Steve grudgingly dressed in his best and drove his new truck to pick up Sharon, remembering what Sam had told him as he pulled into her driveway. _'Natasha left you, man. Didn't even leave a way for you to contact her. I like her, and I think she's a good person, but you've got to move on. She said in her letter you guys can't be together, and you can't spend the rest of your life pinning for her.'_

Steve knew Sam was right. If Natasha wasn't returning, he couldn't spend his life longing for someone he could never have, no matter how much it felt like he needed her.

Sharon came from her house as he parked the truck and smiled brightly as she strode towards him while he held the passenger door open for her. Before she lifted herself into the truck, she leant up on her heels to kiss his cheek, and he felt flush rise to his cheeks. "It's great to see you again." He said, shutting the door and then getting back into the drivers seat.

"Under much better circumstances, am I right?" She laughed.

"Yes. That's maybe a slight understatement." He chuckled, backing out of the driveway and heading into the city. She reached across the center console and took his hand - _just as Natasha had done months ago_ \- and he pressed his palm against hers, hoping to feel the potent vestige he felt with Natasha. There was nothing, however. Nothing but the warmth of her hand and her silver ring pressing against his skin. His heart sank, and he knew then that he needed to stop comparing them. Sharon deserved better, and the least he could do was give her his kindness and respect.

As he made the short drive, they made cordial conversation, the lights of the city shining bright and illuminating the sky as he pulled up to the embellished restaurant where they had reservations. As he shifted the car into park, Sharon unbuckled her seatbelt and reached for the door handle.

"Wait, let me get that for you." Steve said hurriedly, putting his hand on her thigh.

She smiled at him and leaned back in her seat. "I always wondered how you would treat a lady." She quipped.

He swiftly got out and rushed to the other side of the truck, opening her door and helping her out. "Do I meet your expectations?" He asked, perceiving the way her dress shimmered in the lights. Sharon was pretty, sweet, and flirty in a way that didn't make him uncomfortable... he could and _would_ enjoy his night with her and their friends.

"Steve, you completely exceed them." She said with a wink. 

He smiled, taking her hand as they walked to the restaurant, and he hoped the night would only get better.

* * *

"Эпический... Эпический... Эпический!" _[Epic... Epic... Epic!]_ Natasha shouted as her dog barreled towards her, nearly knocking her over as the massive, black German Shepherd caught the tennis ball and bounded back to where Fury sat at his desk. She perceived Fury's laughter as he threw the ball again, and it rebounded off the wall, almost hitting Natasha in the head. "Иисус Христос," _[Jesus Christ.]_ She grumbled to herself, sitting down in the chair in front of his desk, even though her legs were stiff from their long flight back to America. She was elated to be back however, and so was Epic.

After months of running from the Red Room, she rekindled her relationship with her sister, Yelena and with their family's help, they destroyed the last of the regime that had once tore them all apart. Along the way, she found herself in the wintry tundras of her home country, the place she had once hated. Now, she knew what she stood for. Now, she could face the heinous people who had turned her and so many others into monsters. Although, she would never banish the demons from the dark recesses of her mind, she knew that she was strong enough to defeat them every time they tried to drown her in their repentance and now, she had found the strength to face the people who cared about her - _Clint, Fury, and Steve_ \- when it had once terrified her.

That is, if Steve was even still around and didn't hate her for how she left things between them.

"Long flight from Russia, Agent Romanoff?" Fury asked, breaking the silence between them.

She hadn't told Fury about the Red Room hunting her like it was their sole intent, but he _knew_ ; he had eyes and ears everywhere. "She slept the whole time..." She replied, knowing she should've played with Epic on the Quinjet because now, her dog was teeming with energy, and she would be paying her dues with a long run through the city, when all Natasha really wanted to do was soak in a hot bath.

"You're in for a hell of a night then... did you complete your personal mission?" He asked, a knowing smile on his face as he looked at her.

For a moment, she wondered how much he knew and if he actually had a hand in bringing down the Red Room in fiery acrimony. "Yes. Yelena is doing well and says hello." She replied quietly. She would never say it aloud, but she already missed her sister.

"Did you let her know the offer still stands?" Fury asked. He had never met Yelena, but he had offered her a position as a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent simply because Natasha spoke so fondly of her.

"Maybe one day I can convince her." Natasha mused, looking away from Fury to gaze at Epic. Her dog looked into her eyes, her tail wagging as her dark eyes shined with inquisitiveness and loyalty. Her heart thrummed as she thought about how brave Epic had been and how many times the dog had been willing to lay her life down for her as they fought the Red Room's new prodigy of Black Widows. She couldn't imagine losing her dog - _living without her partner and her best friend_ \- and she couldn't imagine Epic dying because she had heedlessly put her in danger. She loved her dog and as she sat there gazing at her, she swore to herself that she would take a bullet for her if it ever came down to it.

The sound of the door opening drew her attention from Epic, and she looked over her shoulder to see who was working at such a late hour.

_She should've already known who it was._

Her breath hitched in her throat as her emerald eyes took in the sight of Steve Rogers, who had yet to perceive her sitting in the corner of the office. It was as if he'd gotten even more handsome, his chiseled features that made her swoon, his vast, powerful muscles that had once moved over her so gently, and his _oh-so_ kissable lips she longed for the moment she had to force herself out of his strong arms that she felt so safe in. God, she had missed him.

_She had missed her soulmate._

"Fury, did you read over thos-... Nat!" He exclaimed, his azure eyes wide as he looked at her in disbelief. Even the sound of his voice made her soulmate mark on the nape of her neck kindle to life, warmth spreading through her like wildfire. 

_Please don't hate me, she thought to herself._

To her utter relief, he didn't. He smiled joyously, and she stood quickly as he walked towards her. She met him the rest of the way, wrapping her arms around his neck as he embraced her tightly. Her world righted itself as he held her, and she pressed closer to him, hearing his heartbeat as she rested her head on his broad chest. _Home_. It was an unfamiliar concept to her, but sometimes home wasn't a place. _Sometimes it was a person._ As they held one another in the middle of Fury's office, Epic trying to squeeze between them as she begged for attention, Natasha wondered if she was right where she belonged, if she was with the person she belonged with.

"I missed you." Steve murmured, running his fingers through her hair as he nuzzled his nose against her neck.

"I missed you too, Steve." She choked out, squeezing him tighter as she was overwrought with sentiment she had never experienced before. She wasn't sure how long they had held one another until Epic finally pushed her way between them, and Steve leaned down to pet her. She longed to fall into his arms again, to kiss him until she entirely omit the revulsions of the last six months without him, but she still had business to take care of. She didn't want to act like a love struck woman either, but she figured that after spending so much time away from her soulmate - _even if they didn't belong together_ \- she was conceded to cut herself some slack. "I'll finish up with Fury and then we'll catch up." She said as Steve stood, piercing her with his altruistic gaze that struck her core.

"I'll see you in a minute." He smiled handsomely, Epic happily trotting beside him as they left the office together.

"I had wondered who fate would destine Captain America with. I can honestly say I am surprised." Fury spoke once the door shut with a _click_.

Her heart leapt into her throat as she swiftly realized what Fury was implying. "How do you know?" She asked sharply. Fury knew everything just like Clint; there was never a cogency to deny the truth. However, she hoped it wasn't _that_ obvious she was enamored with Steve, much less his soulmate.

"I've seen Captain Roger's mark. An hourglass? I mean, come on. You've just confirmed the theory I've had since the day I saw it, and you don't even hug Barton, much less like that." He replied.

"You're a know-it-all, Fury. You know that? It's infuriating." Natasha snapped, vexation rising inside her as she glared at Fury although, she had no reason to be angry with him. It wasn't like he had been the one to fate her with Steve, branding her with a soulmate mark she utterly despised.

He crossed his arms over his chest, looking at her conceitedly. "I know, Agent Romanoff. As your know-it-all boss, I give you orders to enjoy the rest of your night and take tomorrow off with Rogers."

"Understood, boss." She nodded quickly, her heart thrumming as she thought about spending the day with Steve if he was inclined to.

They shared a smile, and she turned to leave his office. "Natasha, you deserve to be happy." Fury said just as she passed through the doorway. "Don't deny yourself that."

"Thank you." She sighed, his words bearing down on her shoulders as she shut the door and walked down the hallway where she could hear Steve playing with Epic.

Her boots clicked on the polished, tile floors as she strode towards them, new and old photographs lining the walls that caught her attention, ones of her, Steve, Maria, Clint, Sam, Epic, and their teammates who had fought for all S.H.I.E.L.D. was supposed to stand for. There was one particular photo that caught her attention, and she stopped to gaze at the picture of her and Steve. She remembered when Maria had lifted the camera as Steve and Natasha stretched on the mats before their workout. She had thrown her arms around his neck, and Epic had licked his face. His face was scrunched adorably as she smiled at the camera, only for a moment she remembered, before she had began to laugh. It was a fond memory, one that would be infinitesimal to others but one that was entirely meaningful to her.

"We all know Steve can do so much better."

She turned on her heels as Sharon Carter came up behind her and hissed in her ear.

"What are you talking about?" She frowned in confusion, glancing into the blonde's eyes that swam with acrimony.

Sharon rolled her eyes as if Natasha was acting. For one of the first times in her life, she wasn’t. "The little thing you two have going... you're a murderous whore, and I don't know why Steve is stooping so low." She retorted before she turned and continued down the hall. 

Natasha clenched her fists as anger bubbled inside her like hot oil. How dare Sharon make a snide remark like that? She was the one who tried to implore Steve to ask her out! Maybe he had, and it hadn't gone well? However as the seconds began to pass, and she watched the woman walk further and further down the hall, her heart sank. _She was right._ Steve deserved so much better; he deserved the world, and she would never be able to give it to him. It didn't matter that she was his soulmate. She was a Black Widow, a mere armament who had no place in the world, and she definitely didn't belong at Steve's side. She knew then that she needed to be honest with him, to tell him that although, their fates were written in the stars, she couldn't follow that path. The more time that passed, the harder she knew it was going to be. She figured however, that one more night wouldn't hurt.

"Everything okay?" Steve asked, perceiving the tension in Natasha's shoulders as he walked up to her. He hadn't heard what Sharon had said, but he noticed that it had rubbed Natasha the wrong way. 

He longed to draw her close, to relish in the fact that she was _alive_ and had returned to America. He longed to kiss her, to put every fragment of emotion on her lips as they held one another. However, so many things had changed in six months, and he wondered if her feelings for him had as well. She had said that he could only have her for one night, after all. 

Although that had turned into the best week of his life.

"Yeah... wanna' get out of here?" She asked, her emerald eyes looking up at him as the vehement flame faded from her orbs.

"Hell yeah." He smiled. "Do you like the picture? I missed seeing your smile every day." He said. It hadn't taken much to convince Fury to hang the photo. Actually, it had taken none at all; almost everyone had missed Natasha and Epic.

"I'm tempted to steal it." She laughed.

* * *

" _God_ , Steve. You are amazing." Natasha moaned as she sank into the steaming bath water, her aching muscles immediately soothed by the water that rippled around her.

He chuckled, his eyes respectfully on her beautiful face before he looked away to hook the leash onto Epic's harness. "We'll be back in an hour." He told Natasha although, he really didn't think she cared how long his run with Epic would be as she tilted her head back against the towel he had put behind her head, her eyes closed peacefully.

"I owe you... I owe you so damn much." She murmured.

She owed him her life. _That and so much more._

"You owe me nothing. I will do anything for you, and I will love every second of it." He said imploringly, leaning down to kiss her forehead before he led Epic from the bathroom and headed downstairs with the dog prancing at his side.

Natasha couldn't have been more grateful for Steve. She had thought that she wouldn't have anything left after she fled America; she had left everything and everyone behind in the dust. She didn't even have a place to return to... until Steve had insisted she stay with him. Of course, she couldn't refuse his offer when her heart desired him so fervidly and as soon as he showed her around his new, modern flat in the heart of Brooklyn, he had ran a bath for her and offered to take Epic on a run to tire her out. Her heart was filled with veneration as she soaked in the water, her eyes closed as she mused over his words. _I will do anything for you, and I will love every second of it._ She knew he deserved better just like Sharon had said, but she wanted him and sometimes, it felt like she needed him. Sometimes, she needed him like the sun needed the moon, like the universe needed stars and stardust. She knew she was selfish, and she needed to muster the courage to be honest with him. However, she _needed_ to be with him tonight, and she didn't want him to hate her because she had been deceiving him for almost a year.

She ruminated over her friendship with Steve - if one would even call it that - for so long, the heat waned from the water, and she was forced out of the bath. She dried herself off and slipped on a Dodgers tee-shirt Steve had given her to wear before settling down on the couch to wait for he and Epic to return. The Office played on the television, but she paid no mind to the show she had always found amusing. The weight on her shoulders from lying to Steve was too heavy, too staggering for her to even muster a smile.

A while later, Steve and Epic bustled through the door, her dog panting hard but wagging her tail as she went straight for the water bowl Steve set on the floor. "Did you have fun?" She laughed as her dog looked back at her with tired eyes.

Steve admired Natasha's beauty as he walked towards her and sat down on the couch beside her, his skin clammy with sweat that stuck to the leather. She wrinkled her nose at him and he laughed. However, her smile swiftly dissipated, and he didn't hesitate to reach over and take her hand. "Are you okay?" He asked, gazing into her piercing, emerald eyes that swam with sorrow. He knew he'd never be able to understand what she endured in Russia, but he would try his hardest to.

"Why are you always asking if I'm okay?" She rolled her eyes, but she didn't pull her hand away. She couldn't, not when all she could feel was the vestige between them, and her soulmate mark kindling with ardor. Not when all she wanted to do was lean closer to him.

"I worry about you." He murmured, squeezing her hand gently.

She drew her legs underneath her and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Steve, you can hardly handle me." She smirked, the air sparking between them when Steve brushed a lock of her damp, red hair behind her ear.

"That... that is only slightly true." He flushed, his heart thrumming as he leaned in to kiss her.

She stopped him however, her hand on his chest as his nose brushed against hers. "Wait... I-I... I don't know..." She sighed. _I'm lying to you about everything._

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to cross any lines." He said, hurriedly pulling back from her.

She grasped the collar of his damp tee-shirt, holding him against her as he tried to draw away. Her heart told her to love him, to show him how much he meant to her while her brain told her to run, to go off the grid again just so she didn't have to tell him the truth. "No, you didn't. I'm just curious if you asked Sharon out..." She murmured, glancing down at his soft lips even as she mentioned another woman.

"We went out with Sam and Maria, but there was nothing between us. I felt nothing like the way I feel when I'm with you." He replied imploringly, his arm curving around the small of her back as she moved over top of him.

"You should really... _oh_ , fuck it. I adore you." She gasped, kissing him hard - _bruising_ \- as she caught his bottom lip between her teeth and her tongue soothed the bite. Her core clenched achingly as he kissed her back fiercely, heat flowing down to her toes as she felt his hard, thick length between her thighs. It had been too long - _far too long_ \- since she had him and relished in their soulmate bond.

Steve grasped her hips as he kissed her deeply and guided her back onto the couch as he laid between her legs. He held himself over her to not crush her with his weight while he thumbed with the hem of his shirt that she wore. "May I, Natasha?" He asked hoarsely, trying to reign in his fervor to savor the taste of her lips, her body toned from battle, and the way his soulmate mark flared with searing torridity.

 _Slow_.

He had to take things slow, but his head was spinning, and it felt so right to be with her.

"Please do." She gasped, twisting in his grip as he pushed the shirt over her hips and kissed down to her bundle of nerves. He was bold and merciless, making her moan loudly as his tongue rubbed her clit in slow circles, and it took _everything_ inside her to not grind on his talented mouth as she combed her fingers through his tousled hair. "Да, Стив. Да!" _[Yes, Steve. Yes!]_ She cried, pleasure swiftly mounting inside her as he thrust two fingers inside her while he caressed her clit with his tongue. The shrill ringing of her phone swiftly drew her away from the cusps of her orgasm, and she groaned in vexation as Steve lifted his head, his azure eyes gazing up at her.

"Answer the phone." He said firmly, continuing to pump his fingers against her tight walls before he bowed his head to suck her clit again.

At first, Natasha didn't understand what he was saying. "Wh-what?" She frowned, her hips jerking as her legs trembled over his broad shoulders. She was close, _so close._

"Answer it." He demanded, his voice dominating and husky.

 _Oh, fuck._ She had never been submissive, always imperious and strident as the Black Widow. However under Steve's gaze, under his control, she was wholeheartedly his with her soul on the tip of his tongue. Her life had been all about control, all about keeping herself together but when she was with him, she could finally let go and let him tell her what to do. Her hand shook as she reached for the phone and answered it, seeing that Maria was calling. "Hell _oo_." She said, biting back a moan. 

"Hey, Nat! I heard you were back from Russia... wait, are you okay?" Maria spoke into the speaker, evidently hearing Natasha's arduous voice as Steve pleasured her.

"Yes..." She said, her voice high pitched and desperate as his long fingers struck a spot inside her that had her seeing stars. "Can I see you tomorrow? We'll talk then. _Fuck!_ " She cried, her orgasm striking her every nerve as ardor rolled through her abdomen, her toes curling into the leather. He licked her right through it, holding her in place as he worshipped her body. 

"Are you okay?" Maria asked, sounding concerned. 

Natasha wanted to _scream_. "Yes! I'll see you tomorrow." She said quickly before she hung up the phone and threw it aside. 

Steve chuckled against her clit, the vibration the thing that sent her over the edge. "Oh my... Steve! Yes, baby." She screamed as she came around his tongue, her vision darkening around the edges as every muscle in her body seized with pleasure. She already knew his neighbors were going to be infuriated with the noise she was making. 

_Entirely infuriated because the night was far from over._


	8. how to live without you

"Sam, watch your six!" Steve shouted at his friend. 

The terrorists were on their left and their right, yielding weapons they should've never been able to get their avaricious hands on. Gunshots pierced the air as they lunged at Steve and Sam with sharp, glinting knifes, but the two Avengers dodged them effortlessly just as they had been trained to do. Although, they had been ambushed, it hadn't come as a surprise to them. In fact, it was all apart of the plan while Natasha and Epic apprehended the dictator who ran the illegal weaponry trade. Meanwhile, Bruce Banner aided the women and children the terrorists were trying to smuggle across the southern border. It was Steve and Sam's first mission since they had returned from searching for Bucky Barnes, and it felt _good_ to be back out in the field. Every punch Steve threw was potent, every time he hurled his shield, it hit his mark, and he was able to recall every tactical move Natasha had taught him.

Although, they weren't fighting side by side, he knew she and Epic were just a few blocks away, and he could reach her through their earpieces. It felt like he had finally found his place in the world, that he had finally made friends and knew who to trust and knew who he shouldn't, that he finally knew what and _who_ he stood for.

"Got it, man!" Sam called, sounding as if he was having a grand time while he fought the dozens of men.

However against Steve and Sam, they were no match. As Steve hurled his shield, he threw punches and kicks at the men who shot and slashed at him. As Sam took out each sniper, he descended to the ground to help Steve before flying back up. It was easy, something they had practiced and executed many times. It was a success just as it had always been. Within the blink of an eye, the men were down and the gunshots had ceased.

Steve smiled at Sam as he landed on the ground beside him and clasped his shield onto his back. "That wasn't so bad, was it?" He said, high on adrenaline from fighting and completing another seemingly, successful mission.

"Nope. It felt pretty damn good." Sam grinned, pressing the button that folded his wings onto his shoulders as they began walking towards the base station they had set up. "You think the others are done yet?"

"Probably. I just don't want to distract Natasha. She'd yell at me for it." Steve mused, thinking fondly about the woman who had his heart in the palm of her hand. To him, she was his soulmate even if she really wasn't. To him, it was her that he meant to be with even if the stars hadn't aligned for them.

Beside him, Sam chuckled. "So you and the Black Widow, _mhm?"_

Steve rolled his eyes although, his cheeks flushed with color. "We aren't together. I wish we were though..." He mumbled almost to himself. "But what about you and Maria? I'm really glad you found her." He said.

"Maria... I think I love her." Sam smiled. "But have you, at least, asked her out?" He asked as if it was that simple. If it was, Steve would've already taken her out to dinner and tried to give her the world, just like she deserved.

He shook his head in response. "We haven't had any time. Fury sent us off on this mission two days after she got back from Russia." He replied. "Saving the world isn't really a nine to five job, as nice as that would be."

"Yeah, that's for sure." Sam agreed. "Listen, if you aren't going to touch base with them, I will." He said, reaching up to press on his earpiece. "Are you good, Natasha?"

"You're impatient, Sam." Steve grumbled as they awaited her response.

There was only silence, however. Panic slivered it's way up his spine, seizing his heart as it began to race. He knew he had to think logically no matter how much as he wanted to run through the streets and find Natasha to make sure she and her dog were safe. "Banner?" He asked cautiously into his own earpiece, hoping the doctor would respond and let them know exactly what was going on.

Bruce finally did, speaking solemnly through the communication system. "Epic died..."

* * *

Natasha and Epic's side of the mission had been going smoothly... until it wasn't. The dictator was quickly apprehended along with his bumbling comrades, and Natasha was tying up loose ends with local authorities as she searched the men's tents. She had been told that there weren't any others, that the situation was secure, and she could holster her gun. She had kept her gun out, _just in case,_ but her guard was down. Epic's wasn't, however. It never was. She alerted Natasha to the rogue terrorist that had gone undetected with low growls, and Natasha whipped around as she raised her gun. The burly man had the element of surprise, however.

"Эпично, спрячься!" _[Epic, hide!]_ Natasha yelled at her dog as the man tackled her to the ground, wrenching her gun out of her grip. From the corner of her eye, she saw her dog flee and relief rushed through her knowing she would be safe, even if Natasha was fighting a losing battle. She could never win a fight using her strength; she always won with her stealth and wit. Pinned underneath the man, his hands around her throat as he drew a knife from his pocket, she knew she was entirely _fucked_. Repeatedly bucking her hips and twisting her torso, she tried to free herself from his unyielding grip. Twisting and turning, she tried to reach for her knife tucked into her boot, to fight him off as he squeezed the breath from her lungs that burned for air. Fear and adrenaline surged through her as he tried to plunge the knife into her chest, but she jerked underneath him and by pure luck, he grazed her shoulder. 

Her vision darkened around the edges, black spots dancing in her eyes as he squeezed the last drop of life from her. She had imagined death before but never like this. Never so weak, pathetic. Never before she told Steve the truth and told him how much he meant to her.

_This was it, however. This was how she would go._

Suddenly, the man cried out in pain and released Natasha as he rolled off her. She began to cough violently, gasping for the air her lungs desperately heaved for as she pushed herself up and scrambled for her gun. Her vision cleared, and she saw who had saved her - _Epic_.

"Спрячься, эпик ... спрячься!" _[Hide, Epic... hide!]_ She shouted through deep gasps, but her dog didn't heed her commands as she violently tore at the terrorist's arm, splattering blood around the tent. Natasha felt utterly useless as she felt around for her gun, still trying to recover from nearly being choked to death. Just as her hand closed around the gun, and she squinted her eyes to aim, time slowed to a standstill.

_The man raised the knife and stabbed Epic in the chest._

The dog yelped, but she still didn't let go of his arm, nobly defending her owner as a loyal, selfless dog, not as a military partner. Natasha cried out as she shot the man in the back and only then did Epic release him and collapse to the ground.

Natasha scrambled to her feet and rushed to her dog's side. "Эпично, нет! Пожалуйста, оставайтесь со мной." _[Epic, no! Please stay with me.]_ She cried, heart wrenching sobs shaking her shoulders as she held her dog and applied pressure on the wound. It was no use, however. Blood gushed between her trembling fingers, and Natasha knew she was going to bleed out within seconds. "Мне очень жаль, Эпик. Мне очень жаль ... Я так сильно тебя люблю." _[I'm so sorry, Epic. I'm so sorry... I love you so much.]_ She cried, leaning over her dog as she pressed her face against her fur.

In Epic's final moments, she licked Natasha's cheek and wagged her tail once, _and then twice_ , and then exhaled softly as she took her final breath.

"Я тебя люблю." _[I love you.]_ Natasha cried, her heart twisting with the greatest pain she'd ever known as she held her dog to her chest.

She didn't know how much time had passed because for her, it had stopped. For her, her world had stopped turning, and her heart was achingly empty. She would never hug her dog again, never feel her licking her face as she woke up in the morning. She would never wake up on the edge of the bed with Epic sprawled in the middle and hogging all the blankets. She would never fill her food bowl or play fetch with her... she had lost her best friend, the one thing in the world she had never imagined living without. She would've taken Epic's place in a heartbeat, if only she had been good enough, because Epic should've never died defending her.   


Others crowded into the tent, but she wasn't ready to let go. Her dog always had her back, and Natasha would have hers until the very, _very_ end. 

Eventually, Bruce came into the tent and placed his hand on Natasha's bleeding shoulder. “She's gone, Natasha. I'm so incredibly sorry." He told her as he held gauze to her bleeding shoulder. 

The pain she felt was in her heart, however. She felt nothing else.

* * *

Steve and Sam pushed their way through the crowd around the tent once they finally found it. It was sorrowfully quiet and as Steve shoved his way into the small tent, he could hear Natasha's quiet sobs, and he saw her on the ground, covered in blood as she cradled her dog. He barreled past police officers and moved around Bruce to kneel beside her, his heart twisting painfully as he saw Epic in her arms. Natasha looked up at him as his thigh touched hers, tears staining her cheeks as her emerald eyes glazed over with heartbreak.

"She saved me." She choked out.

He held out his arms, and she gently placed Epic in them. He brushed his fingers through her long, dark hair like he had done a dozen times before as he leant down to whisper to her. "You are the bravest dog in the world, Epic. You are so loved." He told her, hoping she could hear him across rainbow bridge. Tears pricked his eyes as he thought about the dog he had quickly come to love. His bond with her paled in comparison to Natasha's, but she had touched his heart, and he would hold her in his memory forever.

_She would never be forgotten._

"Do you want me to take her body to the Quinjet or do you want to?" He asked Natasha who had seemingly composed herself as she kneeled beside him. He knew however, that the affliction inside her was harrowing, that she was only mustering a brave face as her world crumpled around her. He swore then that he would be there for her, that he would give her his world until she rebuilt hers.

Natasha took Epic from his arms and stood to her feet as he did the same. "I will. I'll meet you back at base, okay?" She murmured.

"Natasha, your shoulder..." Bruce said quietly, shuffling his feet as he looked down abashed.

Steve frowned, looking her over for injuries. She was covered in blood, but he didn't know if it was hers, Epic's, or the man who attacked her.

"I'll be fine." Natasha snapped, shifting Epic in her arms as she turned and left the tent, the people around them stepping aside respectfully.

Steve sighed, his chest achingly tight as he, Sam, and Bruce walked back to their assigned base, a small hotel in the heart of the city. They weren't scheduled to leave until tomorrow afternoon, and he knew it would be a long night for them, especially Natasha. They walked in silence, the heating sweltering and humid, the sand deep and draining. As soon as they stepped into the lobby of the hotel and the air conditioning wafted over them, Steve sighed with relief as the sweat that dripped down his back began to dry. "If Nat isn't back in forty-five minutes, we'll go check on her." He said to Sam and Bruce before they went their separate ways to their suites.

As soon as he shut his suite's door, he dropped his shield and stripped of his uniform. The weight on his shoulders was staggering as he showered, vigorously scrubbing away the sand and blood that turned the water red. The ache in his heart didn't fade, however. It would take months, if not years, to wane. They took it to heart when a partner was lost on a mission, but Epic wasn't just a partner. She had died protecting Natasha, protecting their teammate and defending the one she had loved. It wasn't fair that she had died, that she had been murdered by someone who wasn't worth a damn. "Fuck." Steve hissed, his fists clenching with resentment as he slammed them against the tile, a loud _crack_ echoing through the bathroom. "Fuck." He grumbled again as he watched the tile crumble underneath his fists. He turned off the water and quickly dried himself off before he tugged on a tee-shirt and shorts.

Just as he was about to text Sam and Bruce to get ready to check on Natasha, there was a knock on his door.

He opened it, and Natasha stepped past him into the suite, her wistful, emerald eyes glancing into his own. His heart twisted painfully, and he reached out to draw her into his arms.

"I'm not going to hug you until I take a shower." She mumbled quietly.

Blood was splattered down her uniform and across her face, but he didn't care. It could be washed away. A broken heart could not. "You can hug me, it's okay." He replied softly.

She merely shook her head and headed into the bathroom; he didn't follow. He was simply relieved that she had returned safely to base and hadn't locked herself in her suite. He knew her grief was formidable, but she shouldn't have to bear it alone. Even if he was just her shoulder to cry on, he would be grateful that she hadn't shut out the world as she drowned in her sorrow.

He changed into the clothes he'd worn last night and put his clean tee-shirt and shorts on the bathroom counter for Natasha before he began to clean up the takeout and beer they hadn't had the time to throw out that morning. They weren't rooming together but last night, they'd fallen asleep on the couch, Natasha tucked into his arms as Epic laid beside her. It was one of the last memories Steve would have of the dog, one he would cherish forever. As soon as their alarms had gone off, they were running out the door to face the day he never could've imagined.

He put the two plates and silverware they had used into the dishwasher before he poured dish soap in and turned it on. He leaned up against the counter, his face in his hands as sentiment overwhelmed him and when he heard Natasha turn off the shower, he finally lifted his head.

"What the h-..." He shouted.

Bubbles were flowing out of the dishwasher, soaking the floor at his feet. Bewildered, he shut off the dishwasher, gathered towels, and threw them onto the floor, but bubbles continued to seep from the dishwasher.

"What did you put in there?"

He turned as Natasha came into the kitchen wearing his shirt with a wet towel in her hands that she set on floor.

He sighed heavily. "Dish soap. I swear, it was dish soap!"

"Well, it's not made for a dishwasher..." She quirked her eyebrows at him, her lips turned up in small smile that made his heart thrum. It didn't seem to matter that he had made a mess of the kitchen now that she was smiling.

"This is the absolute, most stupidest product I have ever seen." He mumbled, wondering why in the world it was labeled 'dish soap' if it wasn't made for a dishwasher.

"Just let it run through the cycle. That's all we can do." She replied quietly, stepping onto the towels and wrapping her arms around his neck.

He hummed, picking her up and cradling her in his arms. He tried to step around the towels on the floor, but he abruptly lost his footing and fell onto his ass with Natasha landing in his lap with a surprised gasp. "Damn it, I'm so sorry. I wanted to, I just..." He sighed, at a loss of words about how bad he had messed up.

Her arms tightened around his neck as she tilted her head back and laughed beautifully. "You're such a dork." She giggled. "I adore you, you know that?"

_Well, at least he had made her laugh._

* * *

The sunlight shined through the curtains, it's warm rays casting across Natasha's face as she slept and slowly drew her from her slumber. The tears on her cheeks had dried, but her eyes were raw and her lips chapped from sobbing into Steve's chest for most of the night. He had held her tightly, consoling her with hushed words as he rubbed her taut muscles. She didn't know what she would've done without him, his comforting presence soothing her formidable grief.

She just couldn't believe that Epic was gone - _that she would have to find a way to live without her_ \- that she hadn't been good enough to save her.

She fiercely wiped away the tears that brimmed in her eyes and rolled off the bed with a groan, stretching her back and ambling into the suite's kitchen where Steve was cooking shirtless and humming to himself. Wrapping her arms around his stomach, she rested her cheek against his back, and he placed his large hands over hers. "Morning, beautiful." He said, turning to face her as he kissed her forehead.

Warmth surged through her core as she nuzzled her nose against his bare chest, his soulmate mark gleaming vividly as she trailed her finger across the hourglass encompassed within a star. "Morning, возлюбленная." _[Sweetheart.]_ She said absentmindedly.

_Tell him the truth._

God, she wanted to. She longed for him to know that fate had destined them together, that they were made to be together. Only she was selfish - _terrified_ \- and they couldn't be together, even if their names were written in the stars. How was she supposed to explain that to him? To the man who showed her over and over again that his heart was true, _that he would do anything and everything for her and love every second of it._

"What's it like without a soulmate?" He asked, watching her run her finger over his mark as goosebumps ghosted across his skin.

She was silent, merely shrugging her shoulder as she tried to muster a lie. "It's easy."

_That was the farthest from the truth._


	9. digging her own grave

Bruce Banner had been making eyes at Natasha Romanoff the entire evening. She wasn't oblivious to it - _to him_ \- his eyes on her from across the room as she downed another shot with Clint, to him trying to spark conversation with her as she conversed with Maria. _No_ , she was a spy, and spies noticed everything. She noticed how relaxed everyone was, their smiles and their laughter filling Stark Tower. She noticed how Maria and Sam shamelessly flirted while Pepper and Tony kissed every so often. She noticed the chandeliers twinkling above their heads, the waiters who brought out the food and the bartenders who poured their drinks. She noticed it all... that and how handsome Captain America looked in his blue, button down and dress pants. 

_God, how she adored him._

It had been two weeks since they had buried Epic under the willow tree where she and Natasha used to swim. Steve had made a stunning gravestone and when Natasha didn't have time to lay down fresh flowers, he went to her grave, rain or shine. For two weeks, he had held her as Natasha cried and kissed away her tears. For two weeks, he had assured her that it wasn't her fault - _although, she would always believe that it was_ \- and showed her just how much he had loved Epic and how much Natasha meant to him. In just two weeks, Natasha had began to question if love was more than a fairytale, if someone like her could actually love a man who gave her his world as they told one another the darkest parts of their pasts and their hopes for the future.

_If she could love man she was lying to._

"I just don't understand how you can sleep with him and not handcuff him to your bed so he can't leave... that means you share, right? Cause' I'll definitely handcuff to my bed!" Darcy Lewis, Jane Foster's assistant, winked at Natasha from over her wine glass as they talked about Steve.

A flare of jealously sparked within her, her emerald eyes narrowing as she glared at Darcy. "I don't share." She snapped, scorning the thought of Steve in bed with another woman. She had already claimed him with hickeys and scratch marks down his back, with each moan she drew from him and each time she made him cum. _He was hers._ He was made for her, their soulmate mark on his ribcage for anyone to see that he was taken, even if he didn't know it yet. "Okay, I didn't mean to sound like that..." She sighed as surprise flashed across Darcy's face while Maria merely laughed beside her. It wasn't fair to anyone - _especially Steve_ \- to stake her claim over him.

"Girl, I don't blame you. Go get your man." Darcy smirked at Natasha, swiftly omitting the way she had snapped at her. 

She glanced back at Steve, seeing him talking with Thor from across the room. As if he felt her looking at him, their eyes met, and he took her breath away with a smile. Her soulmate mark flared with searing heat, and she turned back to Darcy as she set down her drink. "You should stick around." She told Darcy with a smirk before she began to make her way over to Steve as if she was drawn to him by an alluring force. Her heart began to race, and she felt butterflies in her stomach as if she was a giggly schoolgirl. Her heels clicked against the marble floors, and Maria said something to Darcy as she walked away, but she didn't notice anything else other than Steve as she held his captivating, azure gaze.

Suddenly, Bruce stepped in front of her, and she was forced to look away from her soulmate. "Nat, how is your shoulder?" He asked, reaching out to carefully take her hand as if he'd done it a hundred times. As he slipped his fingers between hers, she glanced at Steve who had turned his back to her.

"Oh, it's actually a lot better. Thank you, Bruce." She replied indifferently. He was nice although brazen, but she knew he had good intentions, even if he didn't have a way with the ladies. He definitely didn't have a way with her, and she tried to show him that she wasn't interested, that she was deeply in lov-... _no_ , adored another man, but he didn't take the hint. "I was just going to-"

He cut her off with a smile as he pulled her onto the dance floor. "Just one dance." He implored.   


* * *

Steve watched from across the room as Bruce and Natasha danced to a slow song. He tried to look away, to not let his raging jealously get the best of him as the doctor held her close, his hand directly above the curve of her ass where he knew there was a hickey he'd sucked into her skin that morning. He tried to focus on Thor as they talked about Jane Foster and how extraordinary she was. He longed to tell his friend about how much he loved Natasha and that he wanted to label their relationship or, at least, clarify what they were. He longed to push his way in between Natasha and Bruce, but he couldn't. She wasn't his. She had told him that they would never be together, and he had to respect that. He would, no matter how hard it was. He would support her, even if she wanted to date Bruce Banner... 

"I think you should go steal Natasha away for a dance. She doesn't seem too interested in Banner." Thor said as he watched them dance from over Steve's shoulder.

He frowned, glancing back at them again. Natasha had her hands on his shoulders, and they were talking as Bruce spun her around. His heart ached with envy, and he looked back at Thor. "I'm sure she's enjoying it." He grumbled, taking a swing of the Asgardian Ale that coursed through his veins, giving him a buzz he hadn't felt in so long.

"I thought you were supposed to have perfect eyesight." Thor said with a knowing smirk before he walked away, leaving Steve alone with his thoughts that continuously circled back to one another as he reflected on his tenuous 'relationship' with Natasha. There were times he thought that _maybe_ she felt the same way, when she wouldn't let him get up in the morning because she wanted to stay in bed a little longer, when she would show up at his doorstep at two in the morning after a long mission and fall into his arms, telling him how much she missed him while she was away, even if it was just for a day. Then there were times when he knew that she didn't, _that she was hiding something from him._ He didn't know what it was, but he noticed the way she would avoid his eyes whenever they talked about soulmates, the Red Room, and their hopes for the future, the way she would swiftly change the subject or distract him with a kiss.

It hurt that she still felt the need to lie to him. He had once hoped that they were past that, but he had evidently been wrong.

"Hey, solider." Natasha's sweet voice filled his ears, and he turned to look at her as she walked towards him.

His soulmate mark kindled with heat that spread through his body like wildfire, but he knew it was only because he _wanted_ her to be his soulmate, not because she actually was. Omitting the way his mark flared and how beautiful Natasha looked, he set down his drink and sighed heavily. "What are we?" He asked. It was unusually bold of him, but the Asgardian Ale gave him the courage to finally ask her what he had wanted to for so long.

Surprise flashed across her face as she looked at him. "What? I mean - I... I don't know." She said calculatedly. 

It was as if she had stabbed a knife into his heart and violently twisted it. "You don't know?" He repeated, looking away from her as he blinked away tears. He knew it was stupid. She had told him from the beginning that they would never be more than friends, but a part of him had always hoped she would change her mind as he showed her that she could trust him - _that she was his world._

She reached out to take his hand, but he pulled away from her. However, she grabbed it firmly and tugged him forward, hastily dragging him into the empty hallway that led to the sleeping quarters. "First of all, you're drunk. Second of all, I know that I want you. I want you to fuck me so hard that I'll have to call off work because I'm so sexed up. That is, once you're sober enough to consent." She said firmly, grasping the collar of his button-down as she pierced him with her emerald gaze.

He shook his head, putting his hands over hers to guide them away. She was just trying to distract him. "I'm plenty sober, Nat. I just... I can't be your 'friends with benefits' when I want so much more." He said dejectedly. 

"Is that what you think we are? Friends with _fucking_ benefits?" She snapped, her eyes glazing over with anger. His own eyes widened with surprise and before he knew what was happening, she shoved him backwards into the table against the wall, a lamp falling onto the floor and shattering as he stumbled and flailed. "You think we are friends with benefits! No, you have it so wrong. You are mine. Do you understand? You are mine just like I am yours. You have saved my life over and over again; you have given me something to fight for. This isn't about sex... that's just..." _Because you're my soulmate._ "That's just because you're so damn irresistible. I want to be with you - _I do_ \- but I can't. There is something about me that you don't know, and it feels like it’s too late for you to know." She rambled, pressing her body against him as she pinned him to the wall. He could move if he wanted to; he was a hell of a lot stronger than her, but she had him wrapped around her finger.

"Please tell me what you're hiding, Tasha.' Tell me so I can understand." He said, cradling her face in his hands and her gaze softened.

She shook her head. "You would hate me, Steve." She choked out. "I should've told you the moment I met you." _It would've changed everything._

"I could never hate you. _Never_." He whispered.

She leaned up to kiss him, but she waited for him to close the distance that felt like a mile long. She waited and _waited_ , her heart in her throat as the words 'I'm your soulmate,' were on the tip of her tongue. However when he finally leaned down to kiss her, rolling her bottom lip between his teeth before he sucked it, her mind began to spin. He had lit the flame in her core, a blaze sparking to life and spreading like a deadly wildfire. She was digging herself a hole - _her grave_ \- the longer she waited to tell him the truth; he was going to find out one way or another. Yet she was so afraid to lose him, to lose the man who kept her feet on the ground. She knew that a part of her loved him, even if her other half told her that love was for children.

His hand boldly dipped into the hem of her skirt, and he tugged aside her panties, quickly finding her clit and rubbing the bundle of sensitive nerves in tight circles. Her hips jerked into his hand, and he kissed her harder as she gasped with surprise and moaned into his mouth.

_Anyone could walk in on them._

Anyone could come across them in the hallway, his hand in her skirt and a broken lamp on the floor. Yet Steve couldn't find a single _fuck_ to give. He was so fucked, so deeply in love with Natasha he didn't care that she was lying to him about God knows what.

She cried out in frustration as he pulled his hand away, only to turn them around and slam her against the wall as he yanked up her skirt. In one, smooth motion, he pulled his hard cock from his dress pants and thrust inside her as he grasped her thighs and lifted her up the wall.

"Steve!" She shouted wantonly

She threw her head back and hit the wall with a _thud_ , but she didn’t care. She was drowning in the pleasures of having his long, thick cock inside her, his lips on hers, and her orgasm flourishing so powerfully that it was blinding.

He didn't cover her mouth as she screamed, and he didn't hold back as her tight, hot core squeezed him like a vice. With every thrust, she tightened around him, pushing him closer and closer to the edge as liquid heat pooled into his abdomen. _She was his,_ and he wanted everyone to know that she was. "Say it again, Natasha. Tell me that you are mine." He moaned, grasping the ends of her hair and holding her head back as he gazed into her eyes swimming with ardor. 

"I'm yours, Steve. _All yours._ " She shouted.

_She wholeheartedly meant every word._


	10. after the dust settles

People ran for their lives in the snowy village, yelling in Russian as they leapt over dead, bloody bodies that lay in the streets. Bullets whizzed past Natasha's ears, the snipers shooting from every angle as she and Steve ducked behind a car that had been flipped over in the raging war. "What do we do?" He shouted, his azure eyes wide with adrenaline as he looked at her. 

"Wait until they stop to reload and then we make a break for that building, got it?" She told him, reloading her own gun. Her hands trembled, and it wasn't from the cold as her heart began to pound in her chest. They were exceedingly outnumbered and outgunned. She didn't know how they had gotten there, the Red Room's Black Widows hunting them like dogs, and she didn't know why she was the one giving orders. It was as if she'd forgotten the past, her mind only convened on the future as her and Steve fought a losing war. In that moment however, the past didn't matter. All that mattered was getting out alive. Steve's life was in her hands - _she had to protect him_. He always had her six, and she would always have his.

"Okay, Nat. I trust you." He said, adjusting his shield in front of them as bullets clanged off the vibranium.

She pressed closer to him, her face in the nape of his neck as they held one another, and the heat from his body radiated into hers. She knew the snipers would have to reload soon, and she should brace herself to run but even amongst the battle, she didn't want to let him go. She wanted to lose herself in every part of him, to omit everything around them and show him just how much he meant to her. She was done fighting - _done running from the Red Room_ \- and she wanted to live the life she had envisioned with her soulmate, a life full of love and happiness; a life they had fought so hard for. After the fight was over and the dust had settled, she wanted to run away with him, to break away from S.H.I.E.L.D. and being Avengers, to put away her Widow Bites as he hung up his shield for good. "If we get out of this alive, I swear I'm going to marry you." Natasha said adamantly.

_She truly meant it._

"I'll hold you to it." He chuckled, his arms tightening around the arch of her lower back.

She listened carefully, waiting and _waiting_ until the onslaught of bullets began to cease. Her muscles tensed as she prepared to run, and she shifted against Steve as he drew his arms away from her and positioned his shield in front of them. "Ready?" She asked, glancing up at his handsome face. Dirt was smudged across the curve of his jaw, and blood was splattered on his blue, stealth ensemble, but he still took her breath away. He was still everything that Captain America stood for - _that and more_ \- and he would always be the man she loved.

"Let's go, baby." He smiled at her and together, they ran.

He shielded them as she shot at those who shot back with just as much accuracy. She had trained some of them, women who she had once cared about like they were her own sister. However as she unloaded her gun, she showed them no mercy. Her bullets hit their mark, and the women were brought down with cries of pain as they were wounded and killed.

Once they reached the building, Steve barreled through the glass door and pushed Natasha through as he shielded her. She stumbled through the broken doorframe, grabbing onto the back of his suit and yanking him into the building with her.

"Now what?" He asked, his chest heaving as she steadied him with her hands on his broad shoulders.

She hesitated. They were trapped, the Black Widows' like predators cornering their prey. They couldn't outrun them, but she'd fought her way out of situations like this before and with Steve at her side, there was no one they couldn't fight together, nothing they couldn't do together. "Top level." She told him, reloading her gun as they ran to the staircase. "There's going to be more Black Widows in here, but we fight our way up and then figure out a way back down. So stay behind me because they'll come from the front." She said, holding her gun out in front her as they began to climb the winding staircase. Her eyes narrowed as she watched for the rush of a shadow and listened closely for the scuffle of boots, but it was quiet, _too quiet._

"Steve, stop. This is a tra-..."

Suddenly, they were surrounded by three Black Widows running up the staircase behind them as three more came from the front. Natasha shot the three in front of her as Steve fought the ones behind them. His shield struck two of them in the head and then lodged in the cement wall, leaving him defenseless against the last woman's armaments. Natasha turned around and lifted her gun, aiming at the Black Widow over Steve's shoulder. With her heart pounding and hands shaking, she pulled the trigger and the gunshot pierced the air.

_It struck Steve in the neck._

"No!" She screamed as he collapsed.

She shot the remaining Black Widow and fell to her knees beside him, cradling his head to her chest as she held pressure to the bullet wound. "Steve, I'm so sorry." She sobbed, her heart twisting in abysmal pain as he gasped for his breath, his life bleeding into the palm of her hand. "Please, stay with me. I-I can't live without you." She cried, pushing his blonde hair from his forehead as her tears fell onto his face. Her hands were shaking, her lips trembling as she held him close and pleaded for him to stay with her because she was nothing without him. "I love you. I _love you!_ "

"I trusted you." He whispered, gazing up at her.

He took his final breath, his chest heaving for the last time as his azure eyes glazed over.

_She had killed the man she loved._

She screamed and cried as she rocked him back and forth, her cheek pressed against his as her heart shattered. She didn't care if the Black Widows found her, if they tortured and murdered her. _She deserved it._ Steve had died with his blood on her hands, and her soul was blown away along with his final breath.

In her agony, she squeezed her eyes shut and let the dark void consume her in its entirety.

"Natasha!" Clint shouted.

She was shaken hard and jostled from the vivid delusion, making her gasp, and she jerked away from Clint as she looked for Steve's body. As she frantically searched, she perceived that her hands weren't stained with his blood, and she wasn't in a stairwell with the love of her life lying dead in her lap. In that moment however, she couldn't think clearly, overwrought with grief and affliction as everything inside her told her that she needed to find him, to have his six even when he couldn't have hers. "Steve... _Steve!_ " She screamed, pushing herself off the floor, but Clint grasped her shoulders and held her to him.

He covered her mouth with his hand as she screamed again, soothing her with whispered words. "Relax, Nat. It's okay." He hushed.

"Where is he?" She shouted, shoving his hand away from her mouth as she tried to stand up again, but Clint's hold was unyielding, and she trembled against him.

"I saw him a minute ago. You need to shut up and relax." He told her imploringly.

She wasn't soothed, her heart still racing and tears still streaming down her cheeks. "He trusted me... he trusted me!" She cried, grasping onto Clint's shoulders and trying to push him away from her.

"Hey, we could really use Widow's help." Tony's voice broke through the communication system.

"Yeah, that's not going to happen." Clint responded quickly. "Come on, Nat." He murmured, helping her to her feet.

* * *

It was unusually quiet on the jet, Natasha staring ahead blankly as she sat on the bench with a blanket around her shoulders. Although her tears had dried, her hands hadn't stopped shaking, and her throat was unbearably tight from crying. Her heart was in a million pieces as she and Clint waited for the rest of the team to return - _for Steve to return alive._

"You' want to tell me what happened?" Clint asked, breaking the silence between them. He sat across from her, looking at her with concern glinting in his eyes. It had been years since he'd seen her cry, but he had never seen her cry like that, so inconsolable and panicked because she thought that Steve was dead. As he looked at her, her emerald eyes glassy with the horrors the Scarlett Witch had imposed upon her, he realized just how worried he was for her.

"He died... _Steve_." She choked out, blinking back the tears that stung her eyes as she envisioned his death that seemed so real. Every time she looked down, she saw her hands covered in his blood and his azure eyes glazing over as his chest heaved for the last time. She saw their future flash before her eyes, the silver ring she wanted to put on his finger as he smiled handsomely and kissed her breathless.

_He had trusted her._

He had trusted her to protect him and call the shots, but she hadn't been good enough. She was the one who put a bullet in his neck, the one who stole his life away and shot him, murdering him just like she had killed so many others. For once, she wasn't scared of how she felt for her soulmate; she wasn't scared of what she wanted.

She was scared of herself.

"It was only a vision that witch made you see." Clint shook his head, rubbing his face as he stood and began to pace the length of the jet. 

"I killed him, Clint!" Natasha shouted, a lone tear streaming down her cheek as she clenched her fists.

Clint sighed heavily but before he could muster a response, the scuffle of boots on the Quinjet made them both jump as Steve and Thor trudged onto the aircraft. Their faces were twisted with affliction from the fight with the genetically engineered twins who had played them all like fiddles. Natasha jumped to her feet when her eyes locked with Steve's, and he smiled softly. _He was alive._ In that moment, that's all that mattered to her. The staggering weight was lifted off her shoulders as the semblance from the Scarlett Witch faded from her mind, the blue from his eyes enveloping her and chasing away the accursed vision. "Steve... oh my God!" She exclaimed, running up to him and throwing her arms around his neck.

He held her tightly as he brushed his fingers through her hair. "I'm here, baby. I'm here. What the hell happened?" He asked, cradling her face in his hands as she pressed closer to him. He could feel her shaking against him, her fingers desperately grasping onto his ensemble as he kissed her forehead. She was quiet as she looked up at him, and he stared into her emerald eyes.

He could still see the vision the Scarlett Witch had insinuated in his mind, the vision that had seemed so real.

He could still see Natasha smiling at him as she sat at the dining room table. He could still see the little boy in her lap - _the little boy with green eyes and blonde hair_ \- tugging at the hem of his Dodgers tee-shirt that she wore. "Momma... momma." He pleaded, pointing at the brownie on the table with his small finger. "Please!"

Natasha laughed joyfully, handing him the sweet before she set down the little boy, and he waddled around the kitchen, munching on the snack cake and leaving a trail of crumbs. A golden retriever followed behind him, her tail wagging excitedly as she cleaned the crumbs off the floor. "Don't eat that, Liliya." Natasha rolled her eyes, calling the dog to her side with the snap of her fingers just like she had once commanded Epic.

Steve stepped towards her, his heart thrumming as he marveled at the sight before him. He didn't know how he had ended up in the world he longed for, a world he had only dreamt about - _a world he thought he'd never have._ He glanced down at himself, sweatpants and a tee-shirt hugging his toned frame before he looked back up at the stunning woman before him.

_She had a soulmate mark._

It was the same mark he had on his ribcage, an hourglass encompassed within a star on the nape of her neck.

His soulmate, his family, _his life._

She walked towards him, a sway to her shapely hips and a glimmer in her emerald eyes that he knew so well. She stole the breath from his lungs, and his breath hitched in his throat as he was drawn to her. "I need a kiss. Now... stat..." She smirked at him as he took her hands in his, hoping she didn't perceive the slight tremble of his fingers. The same vestige he'd always known flared between them, the heat that kindled in his core and all the way down to his toes as she leaned into him. The world he found himself in was unfamiliar but this - _Natasha_ \- he knew better than himself; he would always know her in any lifetime. The swell of her breasts pressed against his chest, and he grasped her ass, her flesh filling his hands as he pressed his forehead against hers. His breath was ragged, and his heart was pounding.

"Kiss your wife while James is distracted and doesn't see his father groping his mother." She whispered, her eyes fluttering as she arched into him.

He kissed her fiercely, their lips fitting together like puzzle pieces as she opened her mouth and his tongue caressed hers. "God, I love you, Mrs. Rogers." He murmured between kisses, ardor blazing in his core as she kissed him like it was their last kiss. His son - _James'_ \- laughter grounded him, and he remembered that their child was in the kitchen with them as he pulled away slowly.

"I love you more." She whispered, brushing her soft, sweet lips against his in a lingering kiss that was just as enthralling as the first one.

He smiled warmly, trailing his hand up her back and grasping the ends of her long, red hair. He tilted her head back gently, gazing into her eyes reflecting with the same love he had for her - _the same mind blowing, mountain moving, and life saving love._ "That's impossible." He said with the slight shake of his head, nuzzling his nose against hers.

"No, it's definitely n-..." She broke off and began to shriek with laughter as he threw her over his shoulder. As much as he wanted to nip at her ass, James tugged at the end of his sweatpants and grinned up at him.

"Daddy... me too!" He squealed.

Shifting Natasha across his shoulder, he bent down and picked up James, kissing his cheek lovingly as he cradled him with one arm. "Hi, buddy. You' know daddy loves you too right?" Steve murmured, his heart full with reverence as he looked at his son. He had eyes like his mother, but he perceived the freckles across his nose that looked just like Steve's, the soft arch of James' face that looked exactly like him when he was a young boy.

"I love you too, daddy." James smiled.

_His mother's smile._

* * *

Natasha and Steve lay in Clint's guest bedroom, her back against his chest as he mindlessly ran his fingers over her hand. They could hear Cooper and Lila playing in the other room without a care in the world, Laura, Clint, and Tony's joyous laughter filling the kitchen as they played with the children. Steve was focused on Natasha however, not the fact that Clint had a family he had hidden from them for years. Steve didn't blame him, though. Being an Avenger was dangerous, and they put their lives on the line everyday. The world knew them, their lives on public display, and there were some people who hated them, who would murder them and _their families._

"I don't want to talk about it." She whispered even though he hadn’t said anything. She squeezed her eyes shut and wiped away the tears streaming down her cheeks. 

He tangled their fingers together and squeezed her hand gently. "You don't have to. I know you'll tell me when you're ready." He assured her.

"At least the witch left you alone." She mumbled.

 _No, but he wished that she had left Natasha alone._ "She actually didn't, but mine was... pleasant. You were my soulmate, and we had a child; a little boy named James. Weird, right?" He mused.

"I was your soulmate?" She whispered.

He hummed, nodding his head and kissing her forehead before he laid his head down and closed his eyes, envisaging the soulmate mark on her neck.


	11. how to break a super-solider

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have returned to university... updates will become extremely sporadic, and I greatly apologize in advance for this. My goal is to finish this story by the end of the year and then take a break. Watch for updates and subscribe!

The waves crashed along the coastline, white sand and blue water as far as the eye could see. The sun was just rising over the horizon, painting the sky in a dazzling array of colors as birds flew overhead. It had been Tony's idea to take a vacation, to take a well-deserved break from S.H.I.E.L.D. and the precarious missions awaiting the Avengers when they returned from the beach house. He and Pepper had convinced almost everybody to join them on an all-expenses paid trip to their private estate on the coast of Miami, an offer nobody could refuse. Even the Maximoff twins - Wanda and Pietro - had tagged along and were enjoying themselves. That is, once they had learned how to swim. 

The Quinjet had landed two nights ago and mostly everybody was sleeping in, something they hardly got to do as superheroes, but Natasha and Steve, well... they were already wide awake.

"God damn, Natasha!" Steve moaned through gritted teeth, his hands grasping at the comforter as she slapped her hand over his mouth. He was trying to be quiet - _he really was_ \- but she was just so tight and perfect, her eyes rolling into the back of her head and her legs shaking as she hooked them over his shoulders. He thrust inside her harder, deeper, the ball of heat flaming in his core as he drove them closer and closer to the edge.

The headboard hit the wall rhythmically, but Natasha hardly registered that. All she could focus on was Steve, the way her wet cunt clenched around him, the way he moaned and kissed the palm of her hand as she covered his mouth. She lifted her hips with each thrust, making him go even deeper and harder, hitting a spot inside her that had her seeing stars. "St-Steve... I'm gonn-... _ugh!_ " She whimpered, sinking her teeth into her bottom lip because Maria and Sam were staying in the suite next to theirs. He was splitting her wide open - _making her his_ \- and she was so happy and sexed up that she could die. "Cum with me," she groaned. The pressure and heat building inside her was nearly unbearable, making her twist and squirm, shake and tremble. When she was connected with Steve, she swore that heaven existed right _fucking_ there.

His head was spinning, his vision blurry as he stared down at her beautiful face scrunched with mind-blowing pleasure. He was trying to hold back, to bring her to her orgasm first because it was always about her. She was his world, and he would give her orgasm after orgasm before he ever reached his own. This time, however, they would cum together. Her wet cunt quivered around his cock, her silk dripping between them and down their thighs... they were so close. He wanted to taste her, to pull out just to make her orgasm with his tongue so he could lick her like a lollipop, but they had another four days for that. Four days to do whatever they wanted, even if that was fucking each other until they both passed out. Who knew the one thing to break a super-solider would be sex with the woman he loved more than anything?

"Stev-..." She began to shout, but he bent down to kiss her because he knew they'd never hear the end of it if someone heard them through the walls.

He was balls-deep inside her, the tip of his cock ready to pop as he stared down at her, his eyes wide in awe. He fumbled between them, pressing down on her clit, and they were right there. _Together_. Thrusting inside her as deep as he could, he came inside her as she came around him, clawing at his back and arching off the bed as tears streamed down her cheeks. He knew it was the best kind of tears just like the ones in his eyes - the only acceptable kind of tears.

Natasha felt drunk off power, feeling utterly beautiful as they came down from their high, and he slowly pulled out of her, his cock dripping with their cum. Tightening her legs around his shoulders, she quickly flipped him onto his back and scooted down between his legs. He gazed down at her as she took his cock into her mouth, sucking the cum off him once, _twice_ , and then pulling away when his legs shook and he yelled her name. She licked her lips and laughed breathlessly, collapsing on top of him.

He wrapped his arms around her, sponging kisses along the column of her neck as she giggled again. "You, my darling, are a minx." He huffed against her neck. He tasted the sweat on her skin and as much as he wanted to kiss down her body and fuck her with his tongue, he hadn't caught his breath and he was for one of the very first times _exhausted_.

"And I adore you." She murmured, tucking her head into the nape of her neck and closing her eyes. They had been saying those words often and she knew one day, they would be replaced with ones even more meaningful. She would await that day patiently but when it would come, she didn't think she would dread it. She might even welcome it because Steve was hers, and she was his - _because love wasn't for children._

She laid atop him, catching her breath and drifting off to sleep peacefully, dreaming of the man in her arms and their future together. She stirred hours later, a dip in the bed drawing her out of her slumber. She groaned, annoyed, and turned over to bury her face in Steve's chest, only to realize his side of the bed was cold and his strong arms weren't around her.

"Uncle Steve told me to wake you." Lila grinned cheekily when Natasha blearily opened her eyes. Lila's hair was dripping wet and so was her bathing suit, soaking the bed sheets. "It's almost eleven."

Natasha mustered a smile, even though she wasn't particularly fond about being woken up by a child who had just been swimming and was now sitting on top of her. "Lila, can you grab my bathing suit?" Natasha asked, swiftly remembering that she was naked under the covers just before she sat up and flashed the young girl with her chests covered in hickeys. Clint would never let her live it down if she scarred his child for life.

Lila jumped off the bed and tossed Natasha her bathing suit hanging in the bathroom. It was still damp, but it would have to do; she was planning on swimming later anyway. "Hurry, Auntie Nat!" The young girl called as she ran from the bedroom with a pep in her step that Natasha definitely didn't have.

She hissed through her teeth as she tugged on the wet bathing suit that felt like ice on her skin. She then dotted waterproof makeup over her soulmate mark, a routine she thought nothing of now. Dragging her feet lazily, she made her way into the kitchen where her teammates sat around the dining room table, conversation and laughter filling the room.

She only had eyes for one person, the one person who turned to look at her as soon as she stepped into the doorway. Steve smiled handsomely, standing up to pull her chair out in a gesture that _still_ made her heart thrum. She didn't think she'd ever get used to everything he did for her, and she didn't know how she'd gotten to be so lucky.

"Good morning, baby." Steve hummed, brushing his lips against hers in a kiss that made heat sliver up her spine, even though she was deliciously sore from all the love making they had been doing. "You look beautiful."

She kissed him back before they sat down together, and she took his hand underneath the table. The secret was out, and their teammates knew they were dating. Although, Steve had never asked her to be his girlfriend, she really didn't care much for labels. Nonetheless, they were 'official,' and even the public was starting to catch on after the paparazzi released photos of them slow dancing in the garden one evening. She was glad that her friends knew about them, that her and Steve didn't have to run around like horny teenagers who couldn't keep their hands off one another, even if that's what they were.

"I really like your hair curly, Natasha." Wanda smiled shyly, looking at her through her thick eyelashes. Wanda didn't have any makeup on, and her hair was damp from swimming earlier that morning. As the days turned into weeks, both Wanda and Pietro had morphed from village, terrorizing villains into typical teenagers - or young adults as they liked to be called. Even after almost losing his life, Pietro was still a wisecrack and just as chipper as he'd been from the moment Natasha talked to him while he was lying in a hospital bed. Wanda, well, she was still an enigma. Natasha had taken her under her wing and shown her the ropes of being an Avenger. The girl, only a few years younger than herself, had gotten inside all their heads, but Natasha couldn't get inside hers. Most of the time, she had no idea what she was thinking. As much as the girl utterly vexed her, she could truly relate to both her and her brother.

"Thanks, Wanda." Natasha smiled, taking a sip of Steve's orange juice and leaning back in her chair.

"The Black Widow doesn't seem so scary now." Pietro smirked, nudging Darcy in the side as he leaned into the brunette sitting next to him. Darcy grinned as his arm went around her, a smile on her face that Natasha recognized immediately. It was the kind of smile that said _'Come get me,'_ the kind of smile she gave Steve all the time.

She raised her eyebrows at them, and Darcy looked at her from across the table. "Soulmates!" She said excitedly, showing Natasha the small mark on her wrist, a dozen lines running parallel to one another, as Pietro pulled down the hem of his shirt to show off his on his chest.

"I'm happy for you guys." She said softly. She felt Steve squeeze her hand, a comforting gesture as he evidently thought she was disappointed because she didn't have a soulmate when they were surrounded by them. Little did he know the dirty, little secret she had, the one thing he didn't know about her that would change their lives. _God, she really needed to tell him._ Although, she kept telling herself that and whenever it seemed like a good time to sit him down and rock his world, she found an excuse not to. She was truthfully scared. She was so wrapped up in him now that she couldn't imagine her life without him. Yet, she had been lying to him for two years and if he left her, she frankly wouldn't blame him.

"You're thinking too hard, darling." Steve whispered in her ear, reaching up to brush her hair over her shoulder and kiss the shell of her ear. She shuddered, her eyes fluttering as his soft lips caressed her skin. She was thinking way too hard just like she always did; he could practically see the wheels turning in her head. He wanted to assure her that she didn't need a soulmate, that he was hers to love for the rest of their lives, even if the stars hadn't aligned for them. If he had to get in a damn rocket ship and move the stars around, he would. _Just for her._

"Save it for the bedroom!" Clint admonished, covering Cooper's eyes who sat next to him. The little boy whined with annoyance as he tried to push his father's hand away, making Steve laugh as he pulled away from Natasha.

He stood from the table, dismissing himself because he desperately needed a shower. When Sam had awoken him around nine that morning, he had grudgingly unwound himself from Natasha and went for a run with his friend. It was miserably hot and humid in Miami and although running in the deep sand had been a great workout for them both, he was sticky with sweat, and he knew he probably smelled like sex. Stripping out of his clothes, he took a cold shower and emerged from the bathroom to find Natasha sitting on the bed scrolling through her phone - _thinking too hard._ "I'm surprised you're not on the beach." He mused, tying a towel around his waist as he walked up to her and kissed her forehead. He just couldn't keep his hands and lips off her. 

"I was waiting for you, slow-poke." She rolled her eyes. "When did Darcy and Pietro realize they were soulmates?" She then asked, sounding inquisitive but there was a twinge to her voice that he heard only because he knew her so well.

"The moment Darcy and Jane landed this morning." He said softly as he dried himself off and tugged on his swim trunks. He remembered the way they had looked at one another as soon as Darcy stepped off the jet, the way Pietro reached out to draw her to him and ask her what her name was. It was a moment Steve wished he wasn't there for, a moment that felt too intimate and private for him to watch. "Wanda is actually happy about it, even though I thought she might not approve."

Natasha laughed softly. "She probably knew Pietro and Darcy were soulmates before they did." She mused, shaking her head to herself.

"Yeah, just like she knew that I love you." Steve chuckled, only to realize that he had said the word _love_ , the word Natasha didn't believe in. He had longed to tell her for so long - _too long_ \- and it was a relief to finally confess how he felt, even though she was looking at him like he'd grown two heads.

Her phone hit the floor with a _thud_ , making her jump, but she didn't pick it back up. "Did you just say what I think you said?" She choked out. She stood to her feet, but her legs were shaking and her knees were weak. _He couldn't love her._ Not when she hadn't told him that they were soulmates, not when he didn't know that she had been lying to him from the moment they met, the moment their hands touched and in her heart, she knew. The room was spinning around her, and she felt like she was going to be sick. She had to tell him now... _she had to._

"N-... yes, I did. I love you, Nat. I have for a while now." There was really no denying it. Why would he, anyway? He _loved_ her for, for crying out loud. He wanted to shout it from the rooftop so the world knew.

"Steve..." She said, tears stinging her eyes and blurring her vision. This was never how she wanted it to go. She had never planned for him to fall in love with her, and she had never planned to fall in love with him, so deeply in love that she was crying because she was going to hurt him, and he may never forgive her.

He walked up to her and cupped her face with his large hands, brushing away the tears that began to arch down her cheek. "I love you more than anything." He implored, pressing his forehead against hers.

"You can't." She said, her throat unbearably tight as she tried not to sob. She pushed away from him, not daring to look at his face because if she saw the hurt in his eyes, she would surely begin sobbing. "Hold on."

She went into the bathroom, and he respectfully waited in the suite, wondering what she could possibly be doing. He wondered if this was the big secret, the one thing she had refused to tell him. His heart was pounding and his stomach twisted with nerves; he couldn't remember the last time he was so anxious about something. He hoped she felt the same way, that maybe they stood a chance against the world. Even if she didn't, he hoped that she would give him the chance to change her mind.

He looked up when he heard her footsteps on the floor... he didn't notice it at first.

_And then, it was like he was back in his vision._

His eyes widened as he gaped at the mark on her neck - _a soulmate mark_ \- the mark identical to his own; an hourglass encompassed within a star: the Black Widow and Captain America. A spy and solider who were never supposed to be friends, much less lovers.

Tears were streaming down her face, her bottom lip trembling as she looked at him - _really_ looked at him for the very first time because she wasn't lying to him anymore. "I've known since the first time we slept together." She choked out, covering her mouth with her hands as a sob pushed through her lips, one that she had been trying so hard to hold back.

"Two years ago?" Steve gasped. He wanted to cry, and it wasn't the good kind of tears that brimmed in both their eyes. _She had been lying to him for two, damn years._ A spy, a spy who couldn't let go of her past, even for someone she cared about. That is, if she even cared about him. His entire body shook, and he stumbled backwards into the dresser. The one person he had trusted, the person he thought he knew - _loved_ \- had been misleading him for two years. She was his everything, but she couldn't even give him honesty.

"I'm so sorry. I can't say it enough, but I wanted to tell you, I really did." Natasha cried, fiercely wiping her cheeks as she tried to compose herself.

As much as Steve wanted to draw her into his arms and soothe her, to let her know that he still loved her even though she had lied to him, he couldn't. "Natasha, I just... I can hardly look at you." He choked out. The room felt ten times smaller than it was, his heart racing and his mind running in circles. _He had to get out._ Yanking on a shirt, he began to throw together the bag he'd packed for their vacation. "I know I should be relieved, excited even, but you've been lying to me about something that involves both of us. I mean, Jesus Christ, I had dreamt of this. I wanted you to be my soulmate but that was before I knew you _still_ felt the need to lie to me. I thought I knew you, but I didn’t know you were still a liar!" He shouted, zipping up his bag and throwing it over his shoulder.

"Are you leaving?" Natasha cried, stepping towards him.

His heart twisted painfully, but he had to go. _He had to._ She had been his future, his everything, but she had lied. She had manipulated him and led him to believe they couldn't be together, even though they were soulmates... _she had rejected him._ "Why did you lie to me about this? Is there anything else you haven't told me?" He asked bitterly, not answering her question. Although, his forbearance was all she needed to know.

"I... I don't know why I lied but now, you know everything about me. Please don't leave. Jus-just tell me what I can do to make this better." She said, her face crumbling. “Please... _please.”_ She had never begged for anyone - _never asked for anyone to stay_ \- but Steve was different. She loved him; she needed him, and she couldn't let him walk out of her life like this. However, she knew if she loved him, she had to let him go because she truly didn't deserve him.

"I know nothing about you. Everything I thought I knew was a lie." He said, a lone tear streaming down his cheek as he turned around. He didn't look back at her.

"I love you, Steve. I understand why you're leaving but please know that _I love you.”  
_

He slammed the door shut and tried not to cry as he heard her sob.


	12. because she promised

Natasha's secret was out. 

Like a flag flying in the wicked wind, her soulmate mark glowed vividly on her skin for all to see, the mark she had once tried so hard to hide. She didn't cover it anymore... what was the point? The man she loved - _who had been hers to love_ \- had left her, and she had to let him go because she loved him, because selfishly holding onto him was hurting him. Steve had left Miami, leaving her to shamefully cry on Maria and Wanda's shoulders before they pulled her off her knees and forced her to pull herself together. Who knew the Black Widow would scum to love, a broken heart that shattered like glass? She didn't know where he'd gone, only that he was completely and entirely avoiding her and ignoring her calls. She was weak, pathetic. The epitome of someone she never thought that she'd be, someone she never wanted to be. 

Bruce had been kind enough to prescribe her pain killers to ease the pain of being separated from Steve for over a month and a half, but the pain never really faded. It was always there, mocking her, a punishment for lying to Steve for too, damn long even though the real punishment was being away from him, him shutting her out because that's what she deserved, and she understood why he had. Every morning, she awoke feeling nauseous and threw up the dinner she had forced herself to eat the night before. Her body hurt, her chest ached, but it paled in comparison to the pain in her heart. _God_ , she was a mess, and Fury insisted she and her teammates complete a mission in the heart of Russia. They weren't a team without Captain America, and she wondered if he would be there. Even if he was, it's not like she could drag him away and plead for forgiveness. The mission _had_ to be completed, even though it was really the last thing she wanted to do.

"Are you done puking your guts out, Nat?" Pietro called from outside the locker room. He sounded more concerned than he did annoyed. Since Steve had left, he and Wanda, sometimes even Darcy, had taken it upon themselves to watch over her, staying the night at her apartment during the weekdays. She really didn't mind, and she actually enjoyed their company. Although, she was rather annoyed with him now.

Heaving for the last time, she squared her shoulders and let her hair fall around her face. "Yeah. I'll be out in a second." She called. Walking over to the sink, she quickly brushed her teeth and looked at herself in the mirror. Her soulmate mark stuck out like a sore thumb, but no one dared to comment upon it since she was the Black Widow, after all. She knew S.H.I.E.L.D agents gossiped about her, however. Many of them had seen Steve shirtless... he was all over the internet, and they quickly put the two and two together. She knew Fury tried to keep the rumors at bay, to nip them in the bud but it was hard to, and she tried her best to ignore them all.

When she opened the door, it bounced back at her as she hit Pietro who was standing closely behind it. "Ow." He grumbled, stepping back and rubbing the bridge of his nose.

"Sorry..." She smiled sheepishly. Strapping on her widow bites, they walked to the Quinjet that was rumbling and roaring to go.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" He asked, a hand on her lower back as she lost her footing while climbing the aircraft's steps. "Does Fury know how sick you are?"

"Pietro, please. I'm fine." She huffed, stepping onto the Quinjet, but Pietro didn't even give her the chance to see if Steve was there.

"Natasha, you are _extremely_ sick. How many times have you thrown up today because I've lost count?" Pietro sighed, grasping her arm so she couldn't walk away from him. His hold was gentle but firm, like a caring brother who just wanted her to be okay. She knew he had good intentions, but he had struck a nerve in her core.

_She was fine._

Even if she wasn't, even if her stomach was churning and her heart was aching, she had to pretend that she was fine.

Before she could snap at him, before she could even wrench herself out of his grip, there was a touch on her lower back, a touch she knew so well, one that sent sparks up her spine. She turned around on the heels of her boots, her emerald eyes wide with disbelief as she looked up at Steve _fucking_ Rogers. His azure eyes pierced her like shards of glass, making her heart flutter and goosebumps ghost across her skin. Then he spoke and suddenly, she was fuming with anger like she hadn't been away from her soulmate for over a month. "What's wrong?" He asked, his orbs glistening with concern as he looked her over. His eyes lingered on her - _their_ \- mark before he looked back into her eyes.

She didn't have any right to be angry. He had every reason to leave her and brush her off like a speck of dirt on his shirt. Nonetheless, she was angry like a raging bull because he had left her when she _needed_ him, when she needed someone to hold her hair back as she threw up and rub her back as she curled in bed. He had left her after she told him that she loved him, that he was her soulmate, and she had pleaded for him to stay. "Don't pretend you care." She hissed as she stalked past him, threw down her bag, and sat down in the pilot's seat with a huff. She knew he was gaping at her, even though she didn't turn around. It definitely wasn't how she expected she would react when she saw him again, but maybe it was better than falling to her knees and begging for him to take her back. Maybe pretending to hate him was easier than loving him.

_No, it definitely wasn't._

"Don't throw up all over these controls." Tony mumbled beside her, his gaze shifting to her as he buckled himself into the co-pilot's seat.

She tried to brush it off. She really did, but it seemed everyone was pushing her buttons, and Tony was _never_ an exception. "I swear to God..." She grumbled. He glanced into her emerald eyes, perceiving the flare of acrimony, and he backed off immediately. He raised his hands in surrender before he converged his focus onto takeoff as Natasha did the same.

Taking the controls, she guided the Quinjet onto the runway as her teammates took their seats and buckled themselves in. She could hear Steve conversing with Wanda, and her heart twinged as she listened to his husky, deep voice that had whispered in her ear so many times before. She knew she had to focus... she had to pull herself together and focus on the mission. There were significantly more important matters at hand and lives were at stake.

The radio _beeped_ abruptly, drawing her from her contemplation. "Cleared for takeoff, Agent Romanoff." Maria said into her headset. 

"Copy." She replied to her friend. She grasped the controls tightly and drove the Quinjet forward, guiding it into the air. It wasn't one of her most graceful takeoffs; she jostled the left wing, making the jet dip underneath them. Tony grumbled beside her, and she swallowed thickly, staring ahead at the clouds that whizzed past them and the never ending sky that was as blue as Steve's eyes; his blue eyes that had once looked at her with so much love but now regarded her so heedfully. 

"Ready to set it to autopilot?" Tony asked, unbuckling his seatbelt as they reached altitude after a few minutes of ascending.

She shook her head. "No. I'll fly." She said quietly, grasping the controls tighter and guiding the jet through the sky.

Behind her, her teammates bustled about, preparing for the mission as they talked and joked around like nothing had changed. For them, nothing had. For Natasha, everything had changed but in a way, things were also the same. Her and Steve had always promised to protect one another, to always have one another's six no matter what. She would still take a bullet for him even if he wouldn't do the same.

_She had promised._

The flight was long and mind-numbing. The minutes ticked by, turning into hours that Natasha tried not to count. Tony tried to draw conversation from her, encouraging her to at least explain what was going on, but the weight on her shoulders was weighing her down like an anchor.

She heard the distinct crinkle of a wrapper, and she smelled peanut butter wafting from behind her. Scrunching her nose, she tried to keep her eyes ahead and focus on the controls. The smell had never bothered her before but over these past few weeks, she could hardly tolerate it. Suddenly, her stomach began to churn and nausea overwrought her, making her see double. "Tony!" She shouted, covering her mouth with her hand as bile rose in her throat, burning and sloshing in her stomach.

"What?" He exclaimed as he came to stand behind her. He took one look at her, perceiving her flushed cheeks and wide eyes and swiftly took over the controls before the Quinjet went down. "Fuck, Natasha! You should've stayed home." He snapped, but she was already stumbling into the bathroom.

She leaned over the toilet just in the nick of time and threw up what was left in her stomach, which frankly wasn't much at all. She heard footsteps behind her, and she felt his touch, the way he pulled her hair away from her face and sighed heavily as he rubbed her back. "I'm sorry you don't feel good, Natasha." Steve murmured, sounding utterly guilty as if he had been the one lying for two years.

She was too dizzy to push him away, her head spinning and her stomach still churning. His presence was comforting, soothing the ache in her heart as he held her. When he stood up, she wanted to reach out and pull him back to her, but he was only getting up to fill her a cup of water before he swiftly returned to her side. "Thanks." She mumbled, closing her eyes as she drank the cold water that was like a assuage to her stomach.

Just like Steve was an assuage to her heart. 

* * *

_"She's been sick since you left, Steve. It's because of the soulmate bond. Her body doesn't handle it like yours since you have the serum." Bruce had explained._

How could he have been so stupid?

He should've never left.

Natasha had told him that she loved him, that she was his soulmate... the person he had dreamed about his entire life. She was even better than his dreams, an angel sent from the heavens above to draw him from the depths of despair and show him that he belonged in a world that had been so cruel - _that he belonged to someone._ He loved her, damn it. He loved her long before he knew she was his soulmate. He loved her yet he had left her. He had left her, even though he had never questioned his ardor for her, even if he had questioned exactly who she was.

He had only insisted that she go on the mission just so he could see her again, even though Fury had told him it wasn't a good idea. At the time, Steve hadn't thought anything of it, but he should've known something was amiss. When had Fury ever suggested the Black Widow sit out of a mission? _Never_. He should've waited until they returned to Russia to rekindle his relationship with Natasha, to show her just how much he loved her. Yet it was his fault that she had to fight even while she was sick because she was too stubborn to stay on the Quinjet. _It was his fault she was sick in the first place._ When he left, he had only been thinking of himself. He hadn't thought of Natasha and their bond, the way the severance would torment her because that's how it always was for soulmates. He had only been thinking of himself... a selfless leader in a war of hearts.

"Captain, watch your six!" Pietro shouted from afar, his voice echoing throughout the snowy forest. 

Steve ducked just in time as an assailant barreled through the thicket, yielding a knife as long as her arm. Using his shield to block the attack, he kicked the woman's legs out from underneath her and knocked her unconscious with a swift blow to her temple. He looked away from her pale face, hardened and scarred from years of battle, to his teammates that fought around him. The fighting was beginning to wane, the dangerous terrorist cell brought down relatively quickly despite their advanced weaponry. They were no match for the Avengers, and all that was left to do was douse the embers of their connections and unearth the logistics of their operations. Since Steve didn't want Natasha fighting, it was her job to download and destroy their files. She had glowered at him when he told her that she wouldn't have a combat role but to his surprise, she didn't contend with him.

Breaking away from the battle amongst the forest, Steve jogged to the building that the terrorists had operated out of for years. The deep snow slowed him down, but he plowed through it with one person on his mind. He knew Natasha had backup, but his end of the strike was complete, and he figured that he could make himself useful while guarding his soulmate. 

_Little did he know, she would be the one to protect him._

He was ambushed just before he reached the building, half a dozen men and women surrounding him with strong tasers and automatic rifles. They shouted at him in Russian, telling him to get down, stay down, and let go of his shield. Everything happened so fast... one moment, he was being subdued, the tasers like lightening through his body and the next, the terrorists were unconscious, their bodies splayed around him.

It was as if he'd blinked, and there she was beside him. _Natasha_. His beautiful soulmate who had saved him once again, single handily bringing down the men and women like the extraordinary fighter she was. He sighed with relief as he looked into her captivating, emerald eyes, and he wondered if she would punch him if he kissed her right then and there. Well, she would most likely stun him with a widow bite if he did.

"And you told me I shouldn't be in combat." She quipped with the roll of her eyes, glancing away from him and over his shoulder as she avoided his gaze.

"Are you done here?" He asked. He knew it wasn't the time to argue with her. He didn't want to, anyway. All he wanted to do was pull her close and tell her how much he loved her, that she was his everything, and he would be hers forever and always.

"Yes." She replied shortly, turning the dial to heat up her thermal ensemble that Tony had designed for them.

They began walking back to their extraction point, and he instinctively reached for her hand. As their fingers brushed and vestige coursed through them both, she looked at him as if he'd said something utterly vulgar. He quickly realized what he had done and pulled his hand back. "I'm sorry... it's a habit." He said, flush rising to his cheeks as she pinned him with her gaze.

"It's fine. I don't hate you. I'm just mad at you, even though I shouldn't be." She shrugged casually, expertly masking her sentiment like she had done for years.

He stopped, reaching out and boldly taking her hand. He wanted her to see that he loved her, that he was stupid and selfish. He _needed_ her to see that because if she didn't forgive him, he didn't know what he would do. "I will do everything to apologize for leaving. I was sel-..." He began to say, but she cut him off with the shake of her head.

"Steve, let's not talk about this. Not right now." She sighed, pulling her hand back and turning away from him.

His heart twisted painfully, but he understood; he had to. "Okay. I understand." He replied quietly, dragging his feet through the snow as he followed Natasha. Tense silence encompassed them, silence so thick that her knife could slash through it.

The woods were so quiet, so hauntingly beautiful, that it brought back memories of training as a Red Room assassin. She was taught that they were never really safe, even if it appeared that they were. Not in a place like this, at least. She knew Russia, the rough terrain and the heinous people out to get them, and her senses were heightened and sharp as they walked through the snow; she knew what to look for and the sounds to listen to. It allowed her to see the movement through the thicket before Steve did, the flash of a shadow just a few yards ahead as someone raised a gun and pointed it directly at her soulmate.

_She couldn't lose him._

She had lost so much; the world had been so cruel to her - _to them both._ She couldn't lose Steve, even if that meant giving him her last breath so he could live. She didn't hesitate... she knew what she had to do because she was nothing without him, because he deserved everything the world was too cruel to give him. 

"Steve!" She cried, lunging forward in the snow. Her heart was pounding, adrenaline coursing through her as she shoved Steve with strength she didn't know she had. He stumbled to the side, and she felt the bullet pierce her left abdomen. She didn't feel any pain at first. She did, however, feel someone grab her from behind and drag her a few feet away from Steve who didn't even have the chance to react before someone was holding a gun to her head. The man's hand was shaking, the barrel cold and bruising against her temple. As the milliseconds ticked by all in the blink of an eye, excruciating pain began to spread from her side to her back. Her knees were weak as the man forced her to stand up, bearing most of her weight with her back to his heaving chest.

"Я сказал тебе уронить щит!" _[I told you to drop the shield!]_ The man shouted at Steve, his eyes wide with insanity.

Natasha tried to focus on Steve, to look into his eyes and let him know that it was okay, that he needed to save himself because she couldn't fight anymore, because she had nothing left to fight for.

"Я пристрелю ее. Я, бля, сделаю это!" _[I'll shoot her. I'll fucking do it!]_ He yelled, shoving the gun against her temple, his hold unyielding and cruel.

Steve's heart was pounding and for one of the first times in his life, he was _terrified_. He was terrified of losing Natasha, of losing his soulmate right before his eyes as he watched helplessly. He didn't know what to do; all he knew was that he needed to save her no matter what it took. Steve shifted forward, his shield clutched in his hands that shook violently.

When he stepped forward, Natasha cried out as a second bullet pierced her right side. Her knees crumbled, and the man let her collapse in the snow. He pointed the gun at her head as he stood over her, staring at Steve and daring him to move again. "Я же сказал, что буду!" _[I told you I would!]_

Steve couldn't see her from where he stood, but he saw her blood seeping through the snow. She was going to bleed out in minutes, and he felt panic bubbling inside him. His love, his whole world would be stolen from him. He wouldn't even get to hold her as she took her last breath. "Please, don't shoot her. I'll do anything. Take me instead!" He begged, dropping his shield. _He would do anything._ He should've taken the bullet and the one after that.

_He would've._


	13. one in a million

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a few more chapters left. Once again, I am drowning in college work (online classes are HELL) so updates are extremely slow. I truly apologize for this. I don't know when the next chapter will be.

Steve Rogers couldn't hear anything other than the sound of his racing heart as he stared at the man pointing a gun at Natasha. The seconds were ticking by, precious seconds of the life Natasha had left. He was trembling, his mind running in circles as their life together flashed before his eyes. He had to do something - _anything_ \- but the man just stared at him, a glint in his eyes that chilled Steve to the bone. It was clear that he wanted Steve to move, to fight him just so he could shoot Natasha. However if he stood there, shaking like a leaf in his boots, she would bled out right before his eyes. How was he supposed to choose when the wrong decision could kill her because then, how was he supposed to live without her?

In the stillness of the forest, he could hear her heaving gasps, her body fighting to hold onto the little strength she had left. She was fading fast and slipping right through his fingers. "Что ты хочешь от нас? Деньги? Мой щит? Я тебе все дам!" _[What do you want from us? Money? My shield? I'll give you anything!]_ He choked out, stumbling over the Russian that he hadn't spoken in so long. He hadn't spoken the language since he left Natasha alone in Miami... if he only he would've stayed and forgiven her right then and there. Maybe they wouldn't have been sent out on this mission, maybe she wouldn't have been shot because he would've been good enough to take the bullet for her.

"Вы не можете дать мне то, что я хочy." _[You cannot give me what I want.]_ The man said, the corners of his lips turning up in a malicious smirk.

Steve wanted to cry out with frustration, his fists clenching as he longed to kill the man who held so much power over them with one, single bullet. He was playing them like a fiddle, trying to push Steve to his breaking point so he'd give up, so he'd yield entirely to his demands by using Natasha's life as a leverage. Only the man didn't realize that Steve would do anything to save her, that he was past his breaking point and already broken. Tears were streaming down his face, his eyes flickering back and forth to where Natasha lay, to the man who held steadily but was utterly unstable.

"Don't move, Steve. Don't do it. We're coming. I'll tell you when." Tony whispered through their earpieces.

Steve felt a sliver of relief as their teammates realized what was going on. Only he wasn't sure if he could wait... _if Natasha could wait._ He could feel her pain through their bond, the way she was slowly being submerged in darkness he wasn't sure she would resurface from. Yet he could feel her own relief from taking the bullet for him, how at peace she was because she had saved him. A sob tore through his throat, a cry that he hardly recognized from himself. He couldn't remember how to breathe because _his world, his love,_ was dying, and he didn't know how to save her. He couldn't lose her, not when he had just been given the chance to get her back.

"Okay, Steve. On three, cover Natasha." Tony spoke through the earpiece. 

Steve hardly had time to understand what his team's plan was before Tony began to countdown.

"1... 2... 3!" 

Gunshots pierced the air as the rest of the Avengers slaughtered the man who dared to hurt one of their teammates - _one of their family members._ Even in the deep snow, Steve didn't think he'd ever moved so fast to cover Natasha. However as soon as the gunshots started, they immediately ceased and Steve rose to his knees to cradle Natasha in his arms. He frantically tore off his ensemble, numb to the cold, and applied pressure to the wounds on her abdomen, only to realize that there were two exit wounds on her back. "Stay with m-me, baby." He pleaded through sobs that shook his shoulders. He ripped apart the fabric and tied it around her as best as he could, his hands shaking violently and his ears ringing. She was limp in his arms, her eyes closed and her face as pale as the snow. Panic overwrought him, and he braced her against his knees to lean over her protectively. "Look at me..." He cried, cradling her face in his hands. "Open your eyes!"

She didn't move, but her eyelashes fluttered.

_She heard him._

He could feel her sharp exhales against his neck, the way her body fought to close the wounds and heal her as her life bled from her. He didn't care that he was crying, that everyone was around him and trying to get him to let go of her. He couldn't lose her; he couldn't let her go because she would be stolen away, and he held her so tightly that he dared God to try and take her away from him. He wasn't thinking straight - _he knew he wasn't_ \- but how could he as he cried and begged for more time with his beautiful, stubborn, and selfless Natasha?

His teammates tried to pull him away from her, Pietro grasping his shoulders and shaking him gently. "Steve, come on. Let her go!" He said desperately.

It was when Bruce pushed his way through everyone that it drew Steve out of his anguish, the doctor's hands on two of Natasha's wounds as he began to hold steady pressure. "She will die if we don't treat her immediately. Let her go, Captain." He said calmly.

His words reached Steve, a soothing voice in the disarray of losing his soulmate. It dawned on him that he would be the one to kill her, to force her to take her last breath if he didn't let her go; he couldn't be the one to save her this time. Slowly drawing back and laying Natasha down, he looked at Bruce through the tears that stung his eyes. "Save her." He begged.

"We will do everything we possibly can." Bruce said assuredly and then he began giving orders to their teammates while Steve watched helplessly. He watched as they injected her with dozens of medications and plugged the four wounds as best as they could; Pietro, Bruce, and Tony rushed her to the Quinjet while Wanda wrapped a thermal blanket around Steve and assured him that Natasha was stronger than all of them combined and would pull through like the fighter she was.

As Steve stood in the corner of the Quinjet and watched Bruce work on Natasha, panic and dread consumed him, battering his body and twisting his stomach. His knees gave out from underneath him, and he slid down the wall, burying his face in his hands as tears streamed down his cheeks once again. "I'm so sorry, Nat." He whispered between sobs that shook his shoulders. _If only he had been better._ He could've saved her, could've killed the man long before he got his hands on Natasha and pierced her with bullets. He _should've_ never left her because soulmates were supposed to be together forever and because he loved her, because she was his entire world.

_Because he should've been the man she deserved._

* * *

Hours had passed and every time Steve looked at Natasha lying in the hospital bed, tears welled in his eyes. She looked so small, so fragile, wires and tubes going into her body, pumping her full of medications that Steve couldn't even pronounce.

The surgeon had told them, _"She got lucky. The bullet missed vitals organs, and we didn't even have to put her on a ventilator."_

Lucky definitely wasn't the right word... luck be damned. Natasha deserved so much better, and Steve knew it should be him lying in the hospital bed. He would've given his life for her without a second thought, would've jumped in front of her if he had been good enough or taken the man down long before he even had the chance to raise his gun, but fate was wickedly cruel, and fate be dammed.

The chair he sat in was digging into his back, but he refused to move, watching over her like the solider he was devised to be. He held her hand as if it was her lifeline, his sole purpose in life to be by her side like he hadn't left her in Miami almost two months ago. He caressed her cold skin with his thumb, drawing soothing circles on her hand as he listened to her soft breathing and the steady beeping of the heart monitor.

It had only been a few hours since she had made it through surgery and was moved into the recovery room. Their teammates took turns sitting at the bedside beside Steve, but the clock had just ticked past midnight and now, it was just him and Natasha like it was always supposed to be. He finally had the chance to talk to her, to tell her what he had longed to for weeks. Even though she was asleep, undoubtedly unable to hear him, he had to tell her now, and he would over and over again after she woke up.

Leaning over the bed, he pressed his forehead against her hand and closed his eyes. "I'm so sorry, my love." He whispered, his throat insufferably tight as tears pricked his eyes once again. The pain in his heart was nearly unbearable. "I'm the biggest fucking asshole for leaving you, and I should've understood why you didn't tell me about your mark. I know you were scared, that you've never been in love with someone before, and you never thought that you would find your soulmate. You knew I would do something shitty, like leave, and I know that's why you didn't tell me after you got to know me... because you didn't trust me even after two years, and you had the right not to. I will spend the rest of my life making this up to you, showing you that you can trust me and showing you how much I love you. I never thought that I could fall more in love with you, but I do, more and more, every single day." He said, lifting his head and kissing her hand in a silent promise to her.

"Shut up because I love you too."

He gasped in surprise as he heard her voice. It was groggy and hardly a whisper, but she was _awake_. "My love..." He choked out. He frantically hit the call button for the nurse before he kissed her forehead and sat back in the chair, relief entirely overwhelming him as her stunning, emerald eyes met his.

She mustered a weak smile, her eyelashes fluttering as she regained her bearings slowly. "Everything you said is not true. Stop blaming yourself." She murmured, pulling her hand back from his to push aside the blanket and look down at the thick bandage around her abdomen. "Fuck, this hurts." She groaned lowly, laying her head back against the pillows and reaching for his hand again.

"Yes it is, Natasha. D-" He began as he took her hand, but she cut him off with the shake of her head.

"Steve. I'm serious." She sighed.

He frowned but was quiet as the nurse bustled into the room, a clipboard in her hand and a bright smile on her face as she began checking Natasha's vitals. "Everything looks good, and your little one is doing just fine. Tomorrow the Obstetrician will come in and talk you through everything." She said.

"My what?" Natasha frowned, her eyes snapping open to look at the nurse as if she'd grown two heads. _Her little one._ "What the hell does that mean?"

"What?" Steve echoed. Natasha glanced at him and found that he was staring at the nurse with the same dumbfounded expression on his face as she had.

"Well Ms. Romanoff, according to our ultrasound, you are two months pregnant." The nurse said with understanding look in her eyes as she realized that neither Steve or Natasha had known.

Natasha's head was spinning, her mind suddenly numb as her stomach dropped. _Pregnant_. It wasn't possible. The Red Room had sterilized all the graduates; she still remembered the painful procedure so vividly. Her and Steve had unprotected sex, but the Red Room had told them that they were infertile - that it was _impossible_. However, the impossible had happened before; she had met Steve Rogers and fallen so deeply in love with her soulmate. Was it possible that she was still fertile, that Captain America - _her soulmate_ \- had super-serum who could make her pregnant?

"I'm going to be sick!" She gasped.

The nurse reacted quickly and set a bin in her lap as she threw up what was left in her stomach. "I'm, I-I'm infertile. It's not possible." She choked out, hot tears streaming down her cheeks as the foul taste of bile burned in the back of her throat.

Steve had stood quickly to hold her hair back, but she knew he was just as shocked and as dumbfounded as she was.

"The ultrasound confirms that you are pregnant, Ms. Romanoff. I'm going to give you some time to process this, but just hit the call button if you need anything." The nurse said before she left the room as if she hadn't just given heart-stopping, mind-spinning, _life-changing news._

Natasha clutched the bin in her lap, fighting the nausea that made the room spin around her. "I've been sick since you left, but I thought it was for a different reason." She said slowly, not daring to look at Steve. She would've never thought that she was pregnant but now that she knew, it all made sense: the sensitivity to specific smells, the morning sickness, and how fatigued she became after what was once an easy workout... "I should've known..." She groaned. "I've been drinking... I was just shot... what if the baby doesn't make it?"

Why should she care anyway?

_Did she want this? A baby?_

A part of her always had - the teenager who had thought she had a lifetime of love and happiness ahead of her - but a part of her had accepted long ago that she wasn't made for the domestic life, that she was a deadly weapon who never diverged from a mission. Could she completely change who she was to provide for another human - _an innocent?_ Could she be so selfless to give her body, her heart, and her life to a child of her own?

The conflicting thoughts hit her all at once but beside her, Steve hadn't spoken a word.

What if he didn't want this?

She knew he had with someone else long ago. _With Peggy._ He had wanted to settle down and have a family with the woman in his past, _not Natasha._ His silence said more than his words ever would, and she knew this was _all_ a huge mistake. Not the baby, but _Steve_. "You can leave, you-know. If you don't want this... you're not trapped if that's what you're thinking." She said. Pushing his hands away from her, she set down the bin and leaned back against the pillows with a heavy sigh.

_She wanted this... a baby._

Of course she did. She was two months along... the choice had already been made for her; it was too late to get an abortion, and she didn't want to give her baby up for adoption anyway. Even if she was alone, even if her soulmate left her, she would raise her baby. She would be the amazing and selfless mother hers had been before the KGB had torn them all apart, even if she didn't have a man at her side because a woman _never_ needed a man.

Suddenly, Steve grasped her shoulders and drew her from her thoughts. "Are you crazy? Why the hell would I feel trapped? I love you... I love this." He said firmly as he pierced her with his azure gaze that struck her to the core.

She stared back at him, seeing right into his soul through the sea that was his orbs. He wasn't going to leave her... he was _happy_ about this just like she was, even if they hadn't found out about their child under the most ideal circumstances. "Did you just fucking call me crazy? You are the one who got me pregnant with your super-sperm!" She exclaimed.

His wide eyes full of guilt, his flushed cheeks, and his shocked expression made her laugh even as she tried to bite it back. Maybe she had been overreacting. _Just slightly._

Hearing her laugh made him smile, and he sat down on the bed beside her as he carefully wrapped his arms around her. "Did I hear those words just come out of your mouth?" He chuckled as he carefully pressed a kiss to her forehead. "We are in this together... we always have been even if I was the biggest dick to leave you in Miami."

"I didn't tell you I was your soulmate after two years, Steve. You had every right to leave." She said. Just as his lips parted to argue with her, she cupped his handsome face and shifted closer to him even as pain shot through her abdomen. "Didn't your mother ever tell you not to argue with a pregnant woman?"

They both began to laugh and suddenly, everything seemed to be okay.

* * *

"Wanda, you are driving me crazy." Steve said.

He glanced up at the young girl as she braided her hair while loudly humming the catchy song from the Disney movie they had just finished watching. His eyes were bleary with exhaustion, and he longed to squeeze himself into the hospital bed with Natasha, who had fallen asleep two hours ago, but his mind was still running in circles.

"Sorry." She laughed softly, tucking her knees underneath her and looking at Natasha with something akin to adoration in her eyes.

_She was pregnant._

They had a baby on the way - _his soulmate_ \- his love. It was the most unexpected yet wonderful surprise he could've never imagined. He knew he was meant to spend lifetime after lifetime with Natasha, but he didn't know that they would start a family of their own. He had thought it wasn't possible, and he had never longed to have a child with her because he was happy to just be by her side. Nonetheless, he was overjoyed but utterly terrified. He wasn't ready to be a father, and what if he wasn't any good at it? He hadn't been good enough to protect Natasha from getting shot... surely he wasn't good enough to protect her _and_ a child. He knew Natasha would be the most incredible mother, but she and their child deserved better than him. Captain America wasn't enough, but he had to be because no one could _ever_ tear him away from Natasha or their baby.

Comfortable silence settled over he and Wanda until Steve spoke to quiet his racing mind. "Do you remember when you made me see that vision? When Nat and I had a little boy?" He asked as he ran his thumb across the back of her hand. Was that their future? _Happiness? Peace?_ A life not spent saving the world but nursing a baby and cleaning up messes? It was what he wanted - to settle down with Natasha and not have to worry if they would return home in one piece - and he had for a while now. A life with a baby seemed just as daunting as being an Avenger, but he wanted that life too. He wanted it more than he had ever wanted to be an Avenger.

"I know what you're going to ask, but I don't see the future. I only could see your bond." Wanda replied softly, glancing up at him.

Steve didn't believe her. "So you didn't know that Natasha would get pregnant?" He asked as if she would suddenly concede that she had known all along that they would start a family.

"No. I didn't know that Captain America would knock-up the Black Widow." Wanda laughed, her lips turning up in a smirk.

Steve bit back a laugh, but his stomach still churned with nerves that he had never felt before. "I'm serious, Wanda." He rolled his eyes. "I'm going to be a shitty father."

"You? A shitty father? Absolutely not. You and Nat will make the _best_ parents. I cannot see the future, but I am certain of that." Wanda said sharply, sitting up in her chair to look at him from across the beside. "Things happen for a reason. You may not believe that, but I do." She said. "That's life, isn't it? Figuring out why things happened - the good _and_ the bad."


	14. permission required

The darkness consumed Natasha, a blindfold over her eyes that heightened her senses entirely, and she could feel her heart pounding in her chest. Her hands were tied to the board above her head, her wrists were aching, and the blanket underneath her nude body rubbed her uncomfortably. She was exposed and utterly vulnerable, on display like a trophy to be claimed, a mark to be overthrown. She had little dignity left, but she still had her pride, and she would hold onto that like it was her lifeline because that's just who she was.

_The Black Widow._

She heard footsteps against the hardwood floors somewhere in the room, the _creak_ and _groan_ of the floorboards. Adrenaline coursed through her body, her legs tensing to kick out at anyone who dared to touch her as she lay in such a vulnerable position. She wished that she could look at the man who had restrained her, to stare him in the eyes so he could see that she would never submit to _anybody_. 

She was the Black Widow, made of marble - _unbreakable_.

Her heart began to race when she felt him lean over her body, his breath ghosting across her breasts and making goosebumps rise on her skin. She shifted away from him but the restraints held her in place - _right where he wanted her._

"You will yield." He whispered.

Her pride swelled in her chest, but it felt as though her heart had skipped a beat as his husky voice filled her ear. No matter how much she had told herself that he had no affect on her, his strength, his dominating presence, she couldn't lie to herself. There was just something about _him_ , about the way he had her restrained, exposed, and how much he was determined to make her his... to claim her: _mind, body, and soul._

"No, I won't." She snapped. She lifted her knee to kick out at him, but he grasped both her legs and pinned them to the bed. The bed springs groaned under his weight as he kneeled over her, and her stomach fluttered as he pulled her legs apart. She was spread open for him like a butterfly, and he sat between her thighs like he owned her. She felt his searing gaze on her bare pussy, and her blood ran cold despite the heat between her legs.

"So, so beautiful." He said, sounding breathless. _She hated it._ He was evidently getting off on the sight of her naked, blindfolded, and her hands tied above her head. Perhaps he was a sadist, a man who _thought_ he could dominate a woman by simply tying her up. Perhaps he was a mere creep or perhaps he was a nobody who yearned to be someone, a twisted, restless soul who thought trying to dominate the Black Widow would earn him a fragment of self-respect.

"You're lucky I'm tied up or I would cut your fucking dick off." She hissed between her teeth.

She growled lowly as his large, coarse hands, scarred from years of battle, slid up her shapely thighs to cup her swollen belly.

"If you would've done that earlier, we wouldn't have this bundle of joy." He said.

_So much for role play._

"Steve!" She laughed, unable to muffle her giggle. Her nerves had swiftly dissipated as her attention was briefly drawn to their growing baby. She wasn't showing _that_ much, but she felt as though she had lost all her appeal as the sexy Black Widow with a bloated belly and broadening hips. Nonetheless, Steve insisted she was beautiful _over and over again_ and every time time he did, her heart thrummed.

"Well that's one way to kill the mood." She said as he laughed. It was hard to forget that their child could hear them, that the baby was between them as they made love and was always in the room with them. She had thought that role playing would help her relax and forget that even though the baby could hear their parents, they couldn't understand and would never recall the dirty words and wanton screams that echoed through the room.

Steve had eagerly blindfolded her and tied her hands like she had done to him so many times, but he already had her mind, body, and soul that she had zealously given to him. For now, however, she was pretending that he didn't.

" _Mhm_... you just look so beautiful like this. I should get you pregnant more often." He hummed, his hands sliding up her sides and his fingers rubbing her sensitive nipples in slow, tight circles.

Her core clenched deliciously as heat diffused through her abdomen. "I was just starting to get into it." She whined.

"Oh, don't worry, love." He murmured, one of his hands suddenly dipping between her legs to slowly spread her slick folds as the other continued to thumb her breasts. She gasped, her hips arching into his bold touch. "We aren't done because I haven't made you mine yet." He said, leaning down and sponging kisses across her jaw.

"I will never yield to you." She choked out, trying to maintain the persona she had before he mentioned their child. She had never been much of a screamer - had never actually made noise during sex because it was never about her pleasure when she fucked a mark - but Steve had changed her in every possible way. She hadn't thought she could be any louder as Steve pleasured her... until she had wound up pregnant, and she had become so, so sensitive. His teasing caresses drew moans and cries from her that she had never heard herself make, and she knew Steve _loved_ it. It was as if his new mission was to make her scream and cry from such mind-blowing pleasure. "Never..." She hissed through her teeth.

He chuckled huskily, his thumb pressing against her swollen clit as his tongue caressed her pounding pulse below her ear. Her toes curled into the blanket, her legs beginning to shake as white, hot pleasure spread through her core like wildfire, the blaze burning bright through her abdomen and down to her toes. "You will _want_ to submit to me, Natasha Romanoff." He whispered against her skin. His lips brushed across her pulse, her jaw, and up to her parted lips, making her inhale sharply. "You will _want_ me inside you, to cum around my cock as you scream my name. I promise you that because eventually, my fingers and my tongue won't be enough."

_Fuck._

She had heard Steve talk dirty before but _never_ like that.

She was in for a hell of a night.

He sucked a mark into her neck, a claim that screamed, " _Mine!_ " as if her soulmate mark wasn't enough. She writhed and twisted underneath him, his hand on her breast pinning her down as his other teased her pussy with light caresses. His index finger dipped between her folds, sinking inside her once, _twice_ before he drew back to touch her inner thigh. She wanted to push him away yet pull him closer all at the same time. "Let me go." She said through her teeth.

She could feel his smirk against her skin as he sponged kisses down her body, stopping every couple of seconds to suck harshly at her skin before he soothed the mark with his tongue. "You'll be begging me to let you cum." He whispered.

Her response was a wanton cry as he closed his mouth over one of her nipples. The sensitivity was almost painful, pleasure roaring through her and _demanding_ a release as he alternated between swirling his tongue around her nipple and massaging her breasts. The stimulation wasn't even close enough to bring her to the crest of her orgasm, and her abdomen cramped with a tight ball of heat. ' _Don't beg_ ,' her pride whispered. "I swear I will kill you..." She stuttered, gasping, _writhing_. He merely chuckled, pulling back to kiss her stomach - _their baby_ \- before he focused his attention exactly where she wanted him.

"Sure you will, my love." He chuckled huskily, his nose brushing against her inner thigh as he blew warm breaths on her wet pussy. "You are mine... this _beautiful_ pussy is mine." He hummed. She was blindfolded, but she could feel his searing gaze on her, his azure eyes that she knew so well taking in the sight of her wet pussy, her creamy silk dripping between her folds and down her thighs. Her cheeks flushed vividly, and she tried to shift away from him, but he grasped her hips and held her still.

"In your dreams." She whispered hoarsely. She wasn't sure how long she could uphold her act, the role-play they had worked hard to devise, when all she wanted to do was scream Steve's name and beg him to fuck her. She blindly grasped at the handcuffs restraining her as Steve licked boldly between her folds before he swiped his nose across her clit and inhaled sharply. 

"Mine." He hummed, angling his head to sink his tongue inside her wet heat. 

_In and out. In and out. In and out._

Her mind was spinning, her legs hooking around his broad shoulders as his vast, rolling muscles flexed under her thighs. "Fuck!" She cried, her orgasm unfolding through her lower abdomen. Each swipe of his tongue in and through her pussy made her core clench, her orgasm building and flaming inside her _and then_ , she was right there. Her toes curled and her back arched, but Steve suddenly pulled away and it was as if a bucket of ice water had been dumped upon her.

" _Ugh!_ " She groaned, pulling against the handcuffs. It was almost devastating the way her toes uncurled in the sheets and the way heat unfurled in her core. "I hate you... I hate you." She gasped for her breath as he pulled back completely, the loss of his touch entirely staggering. It was almost painful, the way heat left her body and her core clenched with emptiness.

Underneath her, the bed shifted, and she heard the sound of frantic rustling - _Steve underdressing._ She wished that she wasn't blindfolded, that she could see her handsome boyfriend standing over her; his thick cock that made her mouth water, his vast muscles like a mountain range, and his captivating, azure eyes that regarded her with so much _love_. She groaned again, envisaging Steve and his body that she knew so well - the man she knew inside and out. Her better half and her soulmate.

"You good?" Steve chuckled. He gazed down at _his_ beautiful Natasha, her body on display for him like a piece of artwork. She was an utter masterpiece, a vision that took his breath away. He could see her legs shaking and if he looked hard enough, he could see her bare pussy clenching as her orgasm faded.

She yanked hard against the handcuffs, and Steve was glad he had bought the padded ones. "Fuck you." She grumbled.

He leaned over her on the bed, his hard cock already straining against his stomach and dripping with pre-cum. " _Oh_ , Natasha. Shouldn't those word be 'fuck me'?" He murmured. He inhaled sharply as he grasped his cock and pleasure shot through his spine. He could've came just by eating Natasha out, but it all had to wait.

It was all about his girl tonight.

Stroking his cock slowly, he braced himself over her and pressed himself between her thighs. As he rubbed himself between her folds and teased her clit, her silk coating his length, she moaned and sunk her teeth into her bottom lip. Leaning down, he kissed the corner of her mouth. "I love you." He whispered as he slowly sunk his cock inside her. He moaned as her tight pussy clenched around his cock, a ball of heat flaming in his core and spreading down to his toes.

"I love you too." She gasped.

He stretched her just like he had the very first time, the delicious, mind-numbing stretch of Steve's cock that made her pussy clench around him. Her back arched, and her legs hooked around his thighs as he pulled out slowly, only to thrust inside her abruptly, the snap of his hips against hers, the sound of their skin slapping and her wet pussy squeezing his cock.

"You are mine." Steve moaned, his hands grasping her breasts as he rubbed his thumbs over her hard nipples.

She bucked her hips up to meet his deep thrusts. "No, you are _mine_." She gasped. Her orgasm built inside her core, flaming and tightening as her mind blanked until all she could think about was Steve and how much she loved him.

"Changing your mind?" He chuckled, grasping her thighs and hitching her legs around his back. He thrust inside her harder and _harder_ , groaning and moaning huskily as his cock throbbed inside her pussy.

"Um..." She shook her head. She would win this game; Black Widows never lost, and they were supposed to be masters of sex. This was her territory, not Steve's.

He thought differently, however.

Suddenly, he pulled out and she cried out in vexation. It was almost painful as her orgasm unfurled through her core and the cramp in her belly tightened until it was nearly unbearable. She felt him shift down her body, and his fingers swiftly replaced his cock, but it wasn't enough. Curling his fingers in and out, his palm ground against her clit, making her twist and squirm in pleasure. "Чертовски дразнить!" _[Fucking tease!]_ She hissed, lifting her knee to hook around his back and throw him off her. He caught her leg before she could kick him, however, maintaining the punishing pace with his fingers directly against her g-spot.

"I wouldn't tease you if you would just submit to me." Steve chuckled huskily, leaning over her and sucking her nipple harshly. The pain was a stark contrast compared to the pleasure shooting up her spine.

She was so close. So close to her orgasm and so close to giving herself to Steve entirely. "I-I just need..." She panted, arching her hips into his hand as she tried to grind her clit into his palm.

He suddenly jerked away from her, leaving her empty and utterly embittered. She cried out, not caring if anybody in the compound heard her. "Fuck me!" She shouted and for the first time that night, he yielded to her command.

Hitching her legs over his shoulders, Steve thrust his throbbing cock inside her wet pussy and slammed his hips against hers, the sound of their skin slapping filling the room along with their wanton moans and cries.

"Say it, Nat because I'm yours." Steve moaned, his cock hitting _that_ spot inside of her that only he could reach. "I. Am. Yours."

He had her. _All of her._ She urged him harder, faster, and deeper with her legs over his broad shoulders. Her head was spinning and she felt lightheaded, the ball of heat in her core tightening as each of his thrusts punched loud cries from her until the sound of their skin slapping became inaudible.

"I love you, and I am yours forever." She finally gasped, her eyes fluttering open to look up into Steve's. She found that he was already gazing down at her with love reflecting in his glassy, azure eyes. Cupping his jaw, she drew him down to her and brushed her lips against his. " _Forever_." She breathed.

"I love you." Steve gasped, pressing his forehead against hers as he drove them to the cusps of their orgasm together. "Cum, Natasha. Cum with me, angel."

She was in his palm of his hand just as she had him wrapped around her finger.

_His wish was her command._

The ball of heat burst in her core like a ardent wildfire as she felt Steve's hot cum fill her throughly. The tight walls of her pussy clenched around his cock and she _screamed_ as her abdomen muscles seized and she orgasmed. She felt it through her entire body, her toes curling in the sheets as her back arched underneath his broad frame, pleasure shaking her entire body. Above her, Steve cried out her name in euphoria, groaning and moaning as his hips stuttered and he held himself deep inside her, grasping frantically at the bed sheets. Their orgasms began to dissipate as they came down together, and Natasha jolted with powerful aftershocks that shook her entire body as she yanked against the handcuffs. "Oh, N-Nat. You are perfect - beautiful - _extraordinary_." Steve whispered hoarsely, gasping for his breath as he dotted kisses on her soulmate mark. Hovering over her for a precious moment, he unlocked the handcuffs and pulled off the blindfold. He then sighed contently and rolled off her, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her over his chest. "You okay, my love?" He murmured.

Natasha was bonelessly spent despite the ache in her wrists and the lights that made her blink harshly. She closed her eyes again and nuzzled her nose against the nape of Steve's neck as they caught her breaths. "I'm perfect. Utterly perfect." She whispered.

He chuckled huskily and combed his fingers through her tangled hair.

Comfortable silence settled through the room as she dozed in and out of sleep with Steve running his hands through her hair and down her back. It was when he shifted and sat up that she awoke and sat up with him.

"What?" She asked, tucking the sheets around her chest and peering up into his azure eyes that regarded her with so much love.

"We should talk about tomorrow." He said, wrapping his arm around her shoulder as they settled against the headboard together.

"About?" She mumbled, feigning ignorance even though she knew exactly what he was talking about. She just didn't want to have _this_ conversation that would decide their future together.

He gave her a look - the look she knew so well - and she stifled a laugh because Steve could be such a smart-ass. "You know what I'm going to do Steve... I'm going to side with you because I want to, and need, to be at your side especially now that I'm pregnant. I can't do this alone."

There was supposedly a government official coming to the compound tomorrow to discuss The Sokovia Accords, a legal contract that the United Nations would have control over the Avengers and everything they did as 'enhanced individuals.' It was so much deeper than it seemed however, and some of them wouldn't sign because so much was at stake - because they knew how it would change their lives and divide them even more. She knew Steve _couldn't_ sign. He had been made by the government - he knew how dangerous their agendas were - and he knew the situation better than anyone else. However, the Avengers would be torn apart because some weren't signing The Accords, and things would never be the same again.

"I just... you would be put in so much danger if you didn't sign." Steve sighed.

She knew exactly where he was going with this conversation. "No." She snapped, shaking her head and pushing away from him. She could hardly envisage _not_ being at his side and giving birth all on her own.

He grasped her arms gently, guiding her back to his broad chest, and she couldn't help but yield to his tender touch. "We have to think about our baby, Tasha. You need hospital care, to see the OB for checkups and to give birth in an actual hospital. If we are on the run, you and our child are at risk. So many things could go wrong." He explained.

_God damn, he had a point._

She was too proud to admit it, however. "So you're telling me that I need to sign The Accords? You're going to make that decision for me?" She raised her eyebrows at him, glancing up into his blue eyes that widened abruptly.

"No, no! I didn't mean to sound like that. I just... God, I'm thinking now that I need to sign so I can be by your side." He murmured, his fingers mindlessly twirling her hair and rubbing her soulmate mark.

He would... it seemed he had no choice. He couldn't leave Natasha to fend for their child on her own. They were his world and everything he lived for. He would make that sacrifice and somehow help Bucky in the shadows.

_He had to..._

Natasha sighed heavily and shifted to gaze up at him. "No, I don't want you to sign. I want you to do what you believe in. I will sign for our baby but after everything calms down, we can meet back up. I'm definitely not giving birth without you because I need to squeeze your hand until it's numb." She said after a moment's pause.

He admired her for making her decision so quickly, but it still didn't soothe his angst.

However, she saw right through it just as she always had. She was his strength, the person who had kept him going through all these years.

"No matter what happens, I know we'll find our way back to each other." Natasha whispered, cupping his jaw and kissing him. "I love you."

_"I love you too. So much." Steve whispered._


	15. it was the sex

The waves crashed along the coastline, the setting sun embellishing the sky in a beautiful array of colors. The sand warmed Wanda's bare feet as she walked along the beach, and Bucky strode beside her, a steady, comforting presence that soothed her whirling mind. She squeezed his hand in hers, his thick fingers between hers like a lifeline that kept her feet on the ground even as the world spun rapidly around them.

Being on the run was a hell of a lot harder than she thought it would be, but Bucky made it a hell of a lot easier. She wasn't quite sure what she would do without him.

She would probably be as lost as Steve was without Natasha by this side.

It had been over seven months since the Civil War between the Avengers, and her and Bucky, along with Steve and Sam, had found their place in a tiny Spanish town along the coast where no one knew who they were and what had gone down in America just several months ago. Most of residents didn't even have internet access which made it the perfect spot to hide from 117 countries who considered them all to be war criminals.

"She should be here by now..." Wanda huffed, stopping in her tracks to look around the beach, but no one was in sight. It was just her and Bucky, the sound of the ocean filling the silence between them.

"Relax, doll. I'm sure she'll be here soon. Natasha is still pregnant, right? She moves slow." Bucky chuckled, squeezing her hand reassuringly.

Wanda hadn't told Steve that Natasha had called her phone in the middle of the night a mere week ago and was planning to reunite with them on the coast. In a way, Wanda wanted to surprise him but in another way, it felt too good to be true. She had talked to Natasha for over an hour, but there was still the nagging voice in the back of her mind saying that it wasn't actually the red-headed spy and it was all one, big trap that she was dragging everyone right into.

She huffed again, her stomach twisting with anxiety as she wondered if this was all a giant mistake.

"Why the hell are you two holding hands?"

Wanda's heart began to race, and she pulled her hand away from Bucky to spin around on her heels to look at who had spoken.

_Natasha._

A very pregnant Natasha stood a few yards away from her and Bucky as if she had appeared out of thin air. Was Wanda dreaming? Surely she was too good to be true and the woman in front of her was some sort of apparition that she had conjectured in her head. It wouldn't be the first time. The woman surely looked the same although, her hair was longer and dyed to a natural blonde color. She had the same pregnancy glow and the same, infamous smirk as she had eyed Wanda's hand clasped in Bucky's.

_With that smirk, it had to be Natasha._

"Oh my God, Nat. You are huge!" Wanda squealed with excitement, running up to her friend that she had missed so much. 

"You better shut up, Maximoff!" Natasha snapped with a soft laugh, tucking her arms around Wanda and pulling her as close as she could with her protruding belly between them. " _Ugh_ , I've missed you." She whispered, and Wanda pulled back as she felt Natasha shudder with a sob, her tears dripping onto her neck. "Pregnancy hormones." Natasha explained with a laugh, fanning her face with her hand as Wanda raised her eyebrows at her. Natasha wiped her eyes and smiled as Wanda placed her hands on her belly.

"Hi, my little angel." Wanda murmured to the baby. "You've gotten so big."

Natasha smiled as Bucky came to stand beside Wanda, a kind smile warming his face as he watched their reunion. He didn't have a good history with her - he had tried to kill her three times now - but he had to make it up to her somehow since she was Steve's love, after all.

"Speaking of which, where is her father?" Natasha asked, brushing her hair behind her shoulder before her eyes widened as she realized her slip up.

"A _girl?_ " Bucky echoed, excitement bubbling in his chest.

Natasha's flushed with color, glancing away from them bashfully. "I couldn't wait anymore... I had to know." She mumbled, resting a hand atop her belly with love reflecting in her emerald eyes.

"A girl! I'm going to have a niece!" Wanda squealed, jumping up and down like a child on Christmas who had been given the best present. "Steve is going to be so happy."

Grasping Natasha's hand, they walked back up the coastline to the row of houses lining the beach and to a charming house with a wrap around porch. It looked like something out of a Home and Garden Magazine that Natasha would read in the Obstetrician's office when she got tired of waiting. "This is your safe house?" She asked with disbelief.

"It's nice, isn't it? We've been lucky so far." Bucky replied.

Natasha's heart began to race as Wanda and Bucky grasped her arms and helped her up the porch, the sound of voices from inside the house filling her ears. Her legs and feet ached from the long plane ride, but it was all worth it as she saw her teammates and most of all, Steve. It had been far too long since she had seen her man, felt his loving touch and captivating kisses. It had been far too long since she had gazed up into his azure eyes and felt his hands caress her belly. Seven, long months had worn her down, the hiding and running extraordinary exhausting, even more so now that she was pregnant and due in less than a month. She had gotten lucky, just as it seemed they had, being able to settle down near a doctor she trusted with frequent visits from Clint, Maria, and Fury that kept her sane. Now, she was going to go _insane_ if she didn't see Steve soon.

Wanda opened the front door and the smell of freshly baked cookies wafted from the kitchen where she could hear Sam and Steve talking. Her soulmate mark sparked to life in the way it hadn't for so long, warmth spreading through her body and enveloping her wholly. She couldn't help but sigh contently, and the conversation in the kitchen instantly ceased as Steve had evidently heard her sigh. She wondered if he recognized the sound as her, but she wasn't dumb. Of course he had because not a moment later, he was stumbling into the doorway like a desperate man, grasping onto the wood with shaking hands as he stared at her, seemingly asking himself if she was real. She smiled, stepping towards him, and suddenly his face crumpled as tears arched down his cheeks.

Rushing towards her, he swooped her up into his strong arms and held her as closely - yet utterly gently - as he could. "I missed you so much." He cried into the nape of her neck, kissing her soulmate mark and every arch of her face as she clung to him and cried tears of her own. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I left you. I love you so much."

"We agreed on it." She laughed through her cries, soothing him by running her fingers through his hair and across his chest. "Don't apologize. I love you too." She assured him, and his grip became a little less desperate and a little more relaxed.

Behind them, she heard Sam laugh joyfully and she shifted to wrap one of her arms around their friend before she turned back to Steve as he set her down on the floor.

"Never in a million years did I think I would see the Black Widow ready to pop." Sam smiled smugly as Steve bent down to kiss her belly.

As if their little girl knew who he was, Natasha felt a kick, and Steve did too as a smile brightened his handsome features.

"Yeah, I thought it was impossible... was a bit afraid my water would break on the plane." She replied, letting Steve grasp her hands as he helped her lower herself onto the couch.

_She had missed this - him._

Never before had someone taken care of her, mostly because she had never let anyone. It had been harder than any mission she'd ever had to go through her pregnancy without Steve. Sure, Clint and Maria were there doting over her and holding her hand through ultrasounds, but it wasn't the same. He knew what she needed without her having to ask him for it. He knew when she needed her back and feet rubbed and when she just needed time to sleep, when she needed a mind blowing orgasm - or several - to ease her cramps, and when she just needed to hold him close as he told her that she could go make it through the pregnancy because she was the strongest women he knew.

He sat beside her and she immediately curled into his side, his hand on her belly like a lifeline to their souls that had knew one another in lifetimes before.

"You better not go into labor tonight." Wanda laughed, sitting down on the other side of her and taking her hand.

Natasha laughed. "We still have a few more weeks to go."

* * *

"I thought you said we had a few more weeks left!" Steve laughed nervously as he lifted Natasha into the car as Sam, Wanda, and Bucky crammed into the backseat.

They had all awoken to Natasha crying out in surprise as her water broke and as slow as her pregnancy had passed, it was coming to an end quickly... _too quickly._

Natasha groaned as another contraction twisted down her spine and curled painfully throughout her entire body. "It... it was the sex!" She gasped, clinging onto Steve's arm until the pain began to dissipate.

Behind her, their three friends groaned but both Steve and Natasha ignored them.

He gave her a bemused look as he stood still and let her cling onto him. "What does that mean?" He asked, trying his best not to let his voice waver. His heart was pounding, and he was the most anxious he'd ever been in his entire life. He had dreamt of this... _planned_ for the birth of their child... but all his plans had gone out the window as he became overwhelmed with nervousness and utter excitement when Natasha had gone into labor just a few hours after arriving in Spain. He had to stay calm, however. _He had to._ Natasha needed him to keep it together so she didn't have to.

"I read that sex induces labor!" She snapped, starting to catch her breath as the contraction dissipated. Steve gently eased her hands off his arm to walk to the other side of the car, started the engine, and peeled away from the curb to the hospital, thankful he and Wanda had taken the time to find an Obstetrician and book a delivery room ahead of time.

Before he could reply to her interesting perspective on why she'd gone into labor early, Natasha was hit with another contraction, each one more painful than the last. He longed to grasp her hand and tell her how brave she was, how extraordinarily beautiful and perfect she was, but he had to drive the car and shift gears. From the backseat, Wanda reached around and coaxed Natasha through it as Steve tried to keep his eyes on the road and not drive them into a ditch because it was the last thing that needed to happen.

"The contractions are coming really fast now..." Sam said apprehensively, earning him a glare from Natasha, but Wanda hushed her before she turned around to snap at him as Bucky told Sam to shut up.

The bright lights of the hospital finally came into view, and Steve pulled up to curb at the entrance where people bustled in and out even though the sky above was dark. Steve swiftly shifted into park and rushed to the passenger side to help Natasha out. "This. Fucking. Sucks." She hissed through her gritted teeth as Steve wrapped his arms around her and lifted her out of the car.

He smiled sympathetically as she glanced up into his eyes that shone with adoration that gave her the confidence she needed to tell herself that she _could_ do this - that she _would_ deliver their baby no matter how hard it would be.

Wanda rushed into the hospital ahead of them while Sam and Bucky jumped into the front seats of the car to find a parking spot in the busy lot. Wanda soon returned with a nurse and a wheelchair which Natasha _almost_ refused until she was overwhelmed with another contraction that stole the breath from her lungs and not in the good way like Steve often did. "Чёрт ... чёрт ... чёрт!" _[Shit... shit... shit!]_ She groaned, feeling tears begin to arch down her cheeks as she grasped onto the arm supports of the wheelchair as the nurse rushed her down the hallway, talking hurriedly to Steve, but Natasha couldn't focus on any of their conversation. "Something... I think something is wrong." She heaved for her breath, making the nurse, Wanda, and Steve look at her alarmed. "... doesn't feel right." She muttered, reaching for Steve's hand and squeezing _hard_. She didn't know what it was, but she had a sinking feeling that made her heart pound and her stomach twist in a way that had nothing to do with labor.

"Let's get you set up in bed and we'll check everything out." The nurse assured her. "Your room is already set up."

It all happened so fast: one second Natasha was curled uncomfortably in the wheelchair and the next second, Steve had lifted her into the bed as nurses hooked her up to dozens of machines, inserted an IV into her hand, and prepared for an ultrasound. Sam and Bucky had returned by the time they had unbuttoned the hospital gown and began the ultrasound, and her friends sat on the other side of the bed for support.

When the nurse's expression suddenly changed and she set down the probe, Natasha felt her heart drop. _Something was really wrong._ She glanced up at the doctor, and he looked into her eyes immediately, leaning down beside the bed. "Your baby is breached, Natasha. We're going to take you for a C-Section right now, do you understand?" He said, speaking English in a thick accent. Even if he had spoken Spanish, she would've heard him loud and clear.

She became overwrought with emotion, fiercely wiping her eyes as tears welled in them. "No, no. I can't do this. This was not the plan." She cried. She hadn't wanted to cry - that wasn't the plan either - but she knew how at risk their baby was in a breached position. Everything had been going so well... what had changed?

The doctor left the room to prepare for the surgery as the nurses bustled about and began to prepare as well.

"You can do this, my love. You are the strongest person in the world, and you aren't alone in this. I won't leave your side." Steve said, even though Natasha knew how worried he was. He was putting on a brave face for her and despite it all, she couldn't be more grateful.

Hiccuping with a sob, she leaned forward and kissed him softly. "I love you." She mumbled. A nurse smiled apologetically as she interrupted them to prepare Natasha for the OR.

Bucky, Wanda, and Sam were ushered into a private waiting room while Steve shoved himself into a gown and entered the OR a few minutes after Natasha had been wheeled inside. The doctor was already scrubbed in and as soon as Steve leaned down beside Natasha, she tucked her head into the nape of his neck and closed her eyes. "I love you." He spoke into her hair, taking her hand and resisting the urge to hold her as the nurse had instructed him not to do while she lay on the table. The curtain separated their view of the C-Section, and Steve was glad it was there as the doctor began his work. He didn't thing he would be able to stand the sight of her open on the table and as strong as Natasha was, she hadn't wanted to see it either. "Just think, love. We'll get to hold her in just a few minutes." He told Natasha encouragingly. "You will make the most incredible mother."

He had cried for the second time that night when Natasha had told him they were having a girl but in that moment, nothing mattered but Natasha and their child making it through the delivery.

"Couldn't be an incredible mother without the best father." She mumbled, her face twisting and he frowned with worry.

"Are you in pain?" He asked.

"No. Just lots of pressure." She sighed. She had wanted to have a natural birth but that all had gone out the window just as all her other plans. She had no choice but to go with it and listen to Steve's voice as the doctor worked. She couldn't envision doing this alone.

For a while, it was quiet and then, a cry pierced the silence. A loud cry that warmed Natasha's heart as their baby was brought into the world. The curtain was swiftly dropped and the doctor held their baby up to Natasha and Steve. "We need to examine her to be safe, but all looks good." He told them with a smile.

Natasha whined impatiently, wanting more than anything to hold her baby girl as the nurse took her away and the doctor began to stitch her up. Beside her, Steve laughed joyfully and squeezed Natasha's hand. "You did it, Nat. Look how beautiful she is." He gushed, kissing her gently.

After a few minutes that felt like hours to them both, the nurse called Steve over as the doctor made the final stitch to Natasha's stomach. Tears streamed down his cheeks as the woman carefully placed their baby girl into his arms, and he walked over to Natasha who had began crying herself.

Laying their little girl on Natasha's chest, Steve leaned down beside them as she turned her head to them and they pressed their foreheads together, gazing down at their perfect little girl. They were silent, but no words needed to be spoken. _This_ was where he belonged... beside Natasha and their daughter's side. This was the perfect moment because every moment with Natasha was perfect.

"Has mom and dad decided on a name yet?" The nurse asked.

They had talked about her name briefly, but Steve truly didn't care what it was as long as she come into the world as a healthy baby.

"Tatiana Sarah Rogers." Natasha smiled, kissing Steve gently as tears ran down both their cheeks.

"Perfect. She's perfect... you're perfect." Steve hummed. "Wanda might pass out from excitement when she sees her."

Natasha threw her head back and laughed in the way that made Steve breathless. 


	16. the endgame

_"I'll see you in a minute."_

Her last words echoed in his ear, the way her fingers had curled around his, a soft squeeze of reassurance before she pulled back and took her spot beside Clint. Steve had gazed into her emerald eyes gleaming with hope, a small smile on her lips that made his heart thrum and his soulmate mark pulse.

"I love you." She had mouthed.

"I love you too, angel." He had mouthed back.

Now, Natasha really was an angel.

Clint had come back alone, tears shining in his eyes and his hands shaking. Panic had immediately overwrought Steve, the kind of panic that made his heart pound, and it brought him to his knees. "Where is she?" He had gasped, staring up at Clint with desperation reflecting in his eyes.

"Sh-she sacrificed herself." Clint shuttered. "For the damn stone!"

She was gone, and Steve's heart was in a thousand pieces. He _wanted_ the grief to destroy him, to chip away at his resolve until he couldn't take the agony of losing his soulmate anymore. He had to stay strong, however, and it was so much worse. He had to for their little girl, and he had to tell Tatiana that her mother had died. Somehow - someway - he had to explain to their six-year old daughter that her mother wouldn't hold her again and wouldn't kiss her forehead as she sung her to sleep. Somehow - someway - he had to figure out a way for them to live without the brightest ray of sunshine that held them together all these years.

Tears were streaming down his face as he stumbled through their empty house after Clint had drove him home. He was lost without the woman he loved, the woman he was entirely devoted to and the reason he lived. He could hardly breathe, sobs shaking his shoulders as he fell into their bed where Natasha had lay just a few hours ago. He buried his face into her pillow, inhaling the smell of her fading shampoo and lotion as he clutched the pillow to his chest. Rolling over onto his side, he blinked through the tears in his eyes to gaze at one of their wedding photos as he brushed his thumb over his wedding band. He remembered the day in Wakanda like it was yesterday; how stunning she had looked, how happy she had been. He had cried for fucks sake as she had walked towards him with Clint by her side and a smile on her face that made his heart thrum. He could still recall her vows that had took his breath away, even though his breath had already been taken from him the moment he had met her for the very first time.

He had never really caught his breath since then.

_"I thought I didn't have a place in this world, that my only place was in the shadows to do KGB and Hydra's dirty work... to try and wipe out the red in my ledger. Then, I met you and our world's fell apart at our feet and the only thing - person - I had any faith in was you." Natasha had said, stepping closer to him to cup his jaw, and it was as if they were alone, not in the middle of their wedding. "You - Steve Rogers - the only person who believes in me when no one else does. The one person who stays at my side, who waits for me and forgives me despite all that I've done. It's not because we're soulmates... I mean that in it's own way is extraordinary special... but because you are the most incredible man, and I am proud to be by your side. I can't promise you much because of who I am, but I can vow to always stay by your side just like you've always been by mine. I can promise that I will always be there at the end of the day, lifetime after lifetime... I promise I will always love you, and nothing will ever change that. Nothing has shaped that, not even the mark on my neck, but you and everything that you are. Nothing - no one - but you, Steve Rogers. Forever and always."_

"You promised!" He cried, his throat aching from sobbing and his chest twisting painfully as her vows rung in his ears. "You promised, Natasha." He breathed, grasping into the frame of the photo with trembling hands and brushing his thumb across her beautiful face.

He knew had to pull himself together before Pepper dropped off Tatiana, but he wasn't even sure how he could look at their daughter with her mother's emerald eyes and sweet smile. He wasn't sure how he could make Tatiana dinner without his wife sitting at the counter as she helped Tatiana with homework, without Natasha coming up to hug him from behind and tell him how much she loved him.

How was he supposed to go on without her?

He sobbed into the pillow until his throat hurt and his heart ached more than it ever had before. He hadn't realized that he had cried himself to sleep until he awoke to his daughter jumping onto the bed with him and tucking herself under his arms. "Daddy!" Tatiana smiled at him as he wiped his eyes and blinked down at her.

"Hey, honey. Where is Pepper?" He asked quietly. He wasn't even sure how to explain to Tatiana that her mother had died, and he hoped that Pepper hadn't left the house yet. They hadn't been as close as she and Natasha, but they were still friends and her presence was appreciated, even if she only stayed for a while.

Tatiana turned in his arms to look up at him with her emerald eyes. Steve's heart twisted painfully, and tears welled in his eyes once again as he saw his wife reflecting in them. It seemed his tears were never ending. "She started dinner. She said she'd stay for a bit but that we had to talk first." His daughter said.

Steve sighed, hugging Tatiana to his chest as he closed his eyes. She was too young to know about the mission, about going back in time to save the world, but she had known that today was a big day for her parents. "Do you remember our talk about heaven? The place where good people go after they pass away?" He choked out, willing himself to stay strong. He imagined Natasha's hand on his shoulder, her voice in his ear telling him that Tatiana needed him to be strong. "Your mom died, honey. She went to heaven today to save so many people... to save us."

"When is she coming back?" Tatiana asked, her voice delicate and innocent.

Steve's heart clenched painfully, and he wiped his cheeks as tears began to arch down his face. "She... s-she won't. Her soul has moved on. She's in heaven, and she'll watch over us, even though she won't be here physically." He said, his voice breaking with a sob.

_If only it had been him._

As selfish as it was, he had hoped to die before his wife so he wouldn't have to live a day without her. Now, he had to stumble through the dark with his daughter hoping that Natasha would guide them to the light.

"She's gone... she's not coming back?" Tatiana asked carefully. She was a smart little girl, but Steve knew she couldn't comprehend death in it's entirety. He knew years of therapy lay ahead for both of him, years of compassionate talks and years of tears that he would hold his daughter through.

"Yes, Tatiana. Mommy is gone. She died." He cried. He was already tired of fighting, already straining under his grief and struggling to see through the darkness that already consumed him.

Tatiana sat up and looked at him, tears in her own eyes. Steve wasn't sure what she was feeling - what was going on in her mind - and he wished that he could understand. Reaching up, he brushed away her tears and mustered a somber smile.

"Are you sad too, daddy?" She asked, her face crumbling as she began to cry.

A sob pushed past Steve's lips as he nodded. "Very sad and it's okay to feel this way." He whispered.

Tatiana nodded and curled against his chest as they cried while Pepper tried to muffle her sobs in the kitchen.

* * *

The sky above swirled with dust from the final endgame battle, the devastation that lay waste to what had once been the Avengers' Compound. Their lives lay in ruins, memories destroyed and burned in a fiery fury. As the fire sizzled out, so did the fight in Captain America's heart. His legs were shaking, his entire body aching, and he knew they were fighting a losing battle.

Thanos was strong - _too strong._

The Avengers had fought for so long, too long. A long battle that almost seemed futile without the rest of their team... without Natasha Rogers by her husband's side. For a brief moment, even as Steve Rogers stared down Thanos with determination glinting in his azure eyes, he wondered how his wife would've reacted when they found out that he was worthy of Thor's hammer. It was still an unfamiliar feeling to hold the weapon in his hand, a sheer contrast to his vibranium shield that he had fought with for so long. The hammer was impressively powerful just like his shield, _but it wasn't enough._

The stones, all in the palm of Thanos' hand with the Infinity Gauntlet, were powerful enough to bring them all down in a fury... _to bring the world down._

Steve knew he had to try and bring a stop to the end of the world for Tatiana. He had to try for his daughter and for Natasha because they’d never want him to give up.

_Even if he died trying._

His shield was broken, and his heart was in a thousand pieces, but he wouldn't give up, even if he was a lone solider charging into the fray of a precarious battle.

As Steve and Thanos' stared at one another, a smirk began to tug at the corner of Thanos' mouth that set Steve on edge. "In all my years of conquest, violence, and slaughter... it was never personal, but I'll tell you now, what I'm about to do to your stubborn, annoying little planet, I'm gonna enjoy it. Very, very much." He said proudly as if he'd already won.

Before Steve could muster a response, his mind still reeling from the blow from Thanos, there was a crackling in the earpiece of his helmet.

"Hey Cap, you read me?"

Steve's eyes widened in surprise, and he looked around, recognizing the voice immediately.

Could it be? Was it possible?

"Cap, it's Sam. Can you hear me?" Sam repeated into the communication system.

A swell of rapture surged through Steve's chest, something he hadn't felt in so long as he heard his friend and teammate who had been turned to ash in The Snap. For a moment he wondered if he was envisaging things, but Sam's voice sounded too real to be a fragment of his imagination.

"On your left." His friend said.

A yellow portal began to form behind Steve, and he turned around to look at the profound display of magic.

Hope and triumph flourished in Steve's chest as he watched his friends and teammates, who had once been turned to ash, emerge from the portal.

_It had worked._

The time heist had worked!

Steve could've shouted with elation. They had a team: soldiers, warriors, and fighters. They had a chance against Thanos and his army! In that moment, standing strong and proud together, that's all that mattered to Steve because they had a chance to save the world.

"Avengers... assemble!"

They charged into the fray and this time, the Captain wasn't alone.

* * *

The walk across Vormir was somber and eerily quiet. The sound of Steve Roger's boots was the only thing he could hear, the crunch of dirt and the sound of his breathing filling his ear. He walked with his head held high and tried not to wonder what Natasha had been thinking about as she walked to her death.

As much as Steve had not wanted to go back in time to return the stones, he had to.

It was his mission.

He had to see where Natasha had died, where she had fallen to her death and his entire world had stopped turning. Before he had left, Clint had explained Vormir to him and a part of Steve hoped it was possible to bring Natasha back, even though Bruce had explained that it wasn't.

He had returned the other stones to their rightful places and saved Vormir for last _just in case._ Just because he couldn't let go of the hope that returning the Soul Stone would bring Natasha back.

_He couldn't let go of her._

Of her memory, of everything she had stood for...

Sighing heavily as his throat tightened, Steve began the climb to the crest of the mountain. He relished in the way his thighs burned and pain flared in his chest where Thanos had landed a callous hit; it was a distraction from the grief that threatened to bring him to his knees. He wasn't sure how long he had climbed - whether it was minutes or an hour - but when he finally reached cliff where Red Skull stood guard, the ghostly figure greeted him lamentably. "Steven Grant Rogers, son of Sarah." The revenant said, hovering above the ground as his vestment fluttered around him.

His fists clenched with anger as he saw the man who represented such a dark part of Steve's life before he had been frozen in ice. "I'm here to return the Soul Stone." He ground out through his teeth. "And I thought you died after touching the Tesseract."

"You see, death is a fickle thing. I am not dead nor am I alive. Nor is the stone which no one has returned before." Red Skull mused.

As much as Steve longed to send his fist through Red Skull, he suppressed the anger flaring in his veins. It was no use to unlade his rage onto Red Skull; he did not control the Soul Stone as Clint had explained. He was simply a guard for Vormir and a representative for the stone that he could never possess himself. "Is it possible to return this damned thing?" Steve asked. A thousand questions whirled in his mind but most of all, he hoped that he wouldn't have to bring the stone back with him and find a safe place for it.

"You can certainly try." Red Skull replied wistfully.

Steve huffed at his vague responses. "Will it bring my wife back?" He asked with hopefulness. "Or could I get h-her body?" He stumbled out, trying not to think about what she would look like after the fall. They could have a proper funeral, a memorial that would never surmount to the Black Widow herself. He could have a place to ground himself to, a place to - at least - talk to her and hope she could hear him from wherever she was in the universe. "I'll sacrifice myself if it'll bring her back." He rambled, tears blurring his vision. He was a desperate, heartbroken man who had never wanted to live a day without his soulmate.

"Who is your wife?" Red Skull asked, indifferent to Steve's emotions.

"Natasha Rogers." He replied quickly - _proudly._

"Ah, the Black Widow... well, a soul for a soul is an interesting concept. Perhaps it could work both ways. Perhaps it may not." The man - _or what once_ \- said before he stepped back and gestured for Steve to take his place at the peak of the cliff.

_Please bring her back..._

_Take me instead..._

_Tatiana needs her mother..._

_Natasha deserved so much better..._

Steve began to pray desperately before he closed his eyes and dropped the stone off the cliff.

* * *

Steve awoke suddenly, a deep-rooted chill in his bones from being on Vormir that began to swiftly dissipate. For one brief, precious moment, Steve thought the stone had brought Natasha back. He could feel his soulmate mark flare with warmth that he hadn't felt in so long, however when he opened his eyes, he found himself lying on the platform with Sam and Bruce standing over him, trying to pull him to his feet. He quickly concluded that he wasn't dead, and he wasn't on Vormir. Natasha wasn't by his side, and his broken heart was simply conjecturing the thrum of his mark. _She was gone._ He hadn't even been able to bring back her body. He had failed, just like he had failed over and over again throughout the years.

It should've been him... _it should've been him!_

He began to cry, his shoulders shaking with sobs as he covered his face with his hands and willed God to end it all. He couldn't do it without Natasha. Tatiana would be okay, but he wouldn't. How could he survive without his soulmate? How could the world - his world - spin without Natasha at the center of it all?

"She's gone... sh- I couldn't bring her back!" He cried, gasping and heaving for his breath that was stolen from him with every sob that tore his throat apart painfully. He didn't care that there were eyes on him, that he was supposed to stand up and stand strong no matter the circumstances. He was supposed to guide his team, but he wasn't Captain America anymore. He just wanted to be the Steve Rogers that Natasha and his daughter saw him as; a loving husband and doting father. He just wanted to be the man who woke up early to make breakfast with his daughter to surprise Natasha in bed. He wanted to be the man who took his family to the beach and built sand castles with Tatiana while Natasha leaned against his side and watched them.

He wanted a life with his family and that's all he'd ever really wanted.

"Steve!"

Her voice echoed in his mind as if she was right in front of him. It was as if he could feel her touch that struck him to the core, as if her fingers were curling around his own.

"Steven Grant Rogers, you idiot! Get out of your own head!"

Suddenly, his hands were jerked away from his face. It wasn't Bruce or Sam but if it had been, he just might've slapped them.

When he finally opened his eyes and blinked away his tears, he definitely didn't want to slap the person holding onto him.

"You're not real." He gasped. 

_Natasha._

She looked real, but she couldn't be. He had to be dreaming... maybe he was dead.

"I'm here, baby. I don't know what the hell you just did, but I'm here." Natasha assured him, tucking herself into his lap and pulling him to close to her.

He didn't care if she was real or not, if he was dead or dying. She was with him, somehow - _someway_ \- and that's all that mattered.

Natasha felt his desperate touches, the way he held onto her and kissed every part of her face. It broke her heart to see her husband utterly wrecked, a broken man who thought he'd lost his soulmate. However, she would heal him just as he had healed her. "I love you, Steve. I love you so much." She said, imploring him to see that she was real... _alive_. 

"I love you too, Tash. Did it really work?" He asked.

"Yes. I promise it did." She said with the same smile that had always took his breath away.

"Dude, it really worked. You gotta' pull yourself together now." Sam chuckled, patting Steve on the back.

He laughed with relief, and Natasha pulled him to his feet. She still had a thousand questions that Bruce and Sam hadn't been able to answer when she suddenly re-emerged into existence. She could hardly fathom it herself, but the shock had worn off, and she was _home_.

Well, she technically wasn't home. She didn't know where she was, but she was with Steve and that's all she really needed.

Other than her daughter.

"Mommy!"

Natasha pulled back from Steve as Tatiana sprinted across the yard. Behind her, their teammates began to come from the cabin, surprise flashing across their faces before elated smiles lit up their features. She caught her daughter as she jumped into her arms, wiping both their tears, and Natasha returned to Steve's side as everyone began to surround them.

The last one out of the house was none other than Tony Stark.

He looked awful, but he was very much alive just like she was.

He walked with a limp, his arm in a cast and his eye swelled shut. He looked like he had been to hell and back, but maybe he had because it seemed nothing was impossible anymore.

"We missed you, Nat." He smiled at her, a toothy grin that had her biting back a laugh.

"What the hell happened to you?" She asked.

"Long story, but we got time." He smiled. "We all got time in the world."


End file.
